Letter to a Friend - at the end of our 2nd year in Singapore

FINDING SOME OLD CORRESPONDENCE ON MY COMPUTER:

Your letter arrived last week when my folks were here for 2 weeks around Thanksgiving. Mom and dad came right after the boys finished their school year. They are great travelers, and good sports. The weather was nice (I'd say even "cool" but I know they wouldn't!). What a whirlwind! Jim tried to keep business as usual with ministry appointments and teaching. Jim’s had quite a bit of traveling this fall. I’m really happy to see him succeeding at what he does well. Language study in China, and getting started here had its place in humbling both of us, but it’s nice when in ministry to feel you are making a visible & significant contribution to Kingdom work!

Compared to your responsibilities, I don’t have a plateful, and avoid using the word “busy,” but I had a meeting last night starting at 9:30PM (about ideas for an Easter musical -- this guy writes for TV, but doesn't write well for stage, and the drama leader asked me to meet with the two of them to help them brainstorm) It was fun to meet, and be creative, but can you believe that time?

We sent my folks to the airport at 4:30 AM yesterday, Lili went home for a month to Indonesia on the 6:30AM boat (first time since living with us and first time home after giving her life to the Lord). It was a LONG day catching up, and regrouping! Then, Jim and the boys left for China this morning at 6:30! I stayed behind for 4 days and will meet up with them on Wednesday. We’re all excited about spending the Christmas season in China again. Our Chinese connections there are such an open slate for understanding the real meaning of Christmas, and this window of naivite and openness will only last so long! As much as I miss being in Christmas pageants, nothing beats teaching Christmas carols to English language students in a Communist country. And being in a place that so resembles the political and economic culture that Jesus was born in is profoundly worshipful for me. Who’d’ve thought I’d change my Christmas decorating tastes so drastically?

It is SO weird to think that I am the ONLY person in the house right now…what a treat! Going to try to catch up on administrivia (we both hate it so it piles up, especially when some of it is having to re-do because of computer problems). Having the time alone will more than make up for the tasks on my to do list.

I was sad to read the tone in your letter about this “season” of your marriage. You are often in my thoughts and prayers not just because you’re my friend, but because you’re my friend who has no small amount of responsibilities (even if your partner were pitching in more, it would still be HUGE). I hope that the art class works, or you find some way to be connecting and enjoying just the two of you. And putting some fun in your life!

I do remember to pray for you regarding your struggle with your weight. I must have written something insensitive and I’m sorry for that. Really. When I think about how you describe the daily struggles and being robbed of your joy, and wanting to be a victor for the right reasons. I naively want to argue with you, and tell you to take it easy on yourself! You must be being too hard on yourself! …and then I stop and think that I trust your judgments about me, so why can’t I trust your own judgment on yourself? I do hope you are not walking this path alone and that there is an encouraging trustworthy friend, or a program, or group… in addition to your prayers and your understanding of God’s grace on those days when you aren’t “victorious.” I just hate to think of you unhappy.

For us, God has given gracious clear windows these last few weeks, in giving us specific guidance, and answers to prayer, even in small details. Confirming we are in the center of his will – even about plunking down that wad of cash for a car – which caused more than a little flinching on our part as you can imagine! It still is so mind boggling and scary… I’m a bit paranoid about getting in an accident. I was in a monsoon-ish rainstorm today and pulled over for more than an hour to let it pass.

Our lease was up last month. We didn’t find a suitable/affordable place to move more centrally, and felt that after buying a car, then next priority was finding a school where Tyler could be in morning session (almost all schools have 1, 3 & 5^th go to school in the afternoon). The school which was our 2^nd choice originally has now gone to single session and has approved a transfer for Tyler (which is amazing to me – there are only about a dozen schools in the whole city who have only morning session…and we just “happened” to be on campus, looking around, when Tyler’s previous principal called the new principal about his transfer…turns out they are friends, and now the new principal knows that we had a good relationship with the previous school…You know Chinese and the guanxi system…it does help to be a friend of a friend!)

We had thought about holding Cameron back this year. But his teacher gave me some very reasonable reasons for keeping him on track (even though he is the youngest in his class with a cutoff date only 16 days past his birthday). He’s developing really well, and has matured a lot as he approaches 5.

Tyler did exceptionally well on his exams and his attitude about homework has improved. This is a comforting relief, since we have NOT followed the local culture in giving the boys extra “tuition” classes (tutors), with the hopes that they will still stay up with the others. That Tyler and Cameron feel successful in school while still having some semblance of a life where they can play, and be children…that is a BIG relief. We still have not found another American family who has put their children in the local school system, so you can imagine the self-doubts that can creep in!

My playwriting students are loving the course, but NO ONE has had the time to actually start writing anything!!! I'm giving them December off to catch up...while I go to China (and try to do some writing myself!). It's been enough of an outlet for this “ministry” of mine to re-ignite my passion and keep mommy happier at home (to have creative challenges besides what's for dinner, making Chinese lanterns out of recycled materials, and using crazy voices while reading storybooks). A few theatre acquaintances have turned into real friends for me in the last few months...and that has been a great answer to prayer. It was specifically what Jim said was my main problem the last 4 years: no weird friends.

Jim has been in a 4 year relational desert too (but isn’t this typical of all men?). He hasn't found any guys he enjoys and can see on a regular basis, though he's working on it. Outside of the group of pastors he’s mentoring, and his involvement with some missions leaders, he meets once a week with one Singaporean who's a bit older, but has never been discipled or grown much in his walk. We’ve come to realize that for emotional health, we need to cultivate some friendships with some other Americans. There is a family we know who has a 9 year old son. The husband is a New Testament professor, and the wife is the American School librarian & music teacher. They’ve been here 12 years (sent out from Byron McD’s former church in Yucaipa). As we’ve gotten to know them (through baseball last year) we respect and like them, though they are pretty straight arrow Conservative Baptist types (if you know what I mean, and I know you do from your AWANA circle!). We're also praying about starting a group for mentoring recently married couples who are also connected with theatre somehow. We have about 3 potential couples in their early 30’s who have expressed an interest…or have hinted about wanting that…and I know of 2 other potentials.

P.S. (Added the next evening when I turned on the computer to write something new)

AH! WOW! The new Microsoft Office has a great feature: It recovered what I was working on last night…so it isn’t lost after all. I may call you later anyway, to hear your most recent news. This goes in the mail tomorrow! -K

At Least Singapore is Cleaner than China

Jim’s hobnobbing with SW People’s advocates out-of-country this week in Chiang Mai… I think they were smart to ask him to facilitate the planning of it this year. It is SO up his alley in networking. Yeah JIM!

Kids are still in Singaporean school and this week will finish their second full year: K1, and P2. Tyler still complains about the Chinese writing but gets lots of kudos around town everyday for his verbal skills, so that helps (though I CRINGE at his Guandong accent!!). We have made a few friends in the neighborhood and actually found some little boys to play with, in our building, who converse at home in Mandarin, AND are about the same age. Never mind that they are physically & verbally abusive of their poor mother, and only like to play Nintendo, watch Digimon, or eat junk food. When Tyler and Cameron go up to those kids house (not super often thank goodness) I am on my knees!

I’ve found a few theatre friends, which has helped my outlook on everything else! They needed me as much as I needed them and I’m regaining some of my dormant passion. I was starting to worry that those kinds of “go for it” feelings were going to end up only in the history of my youth and young adulthood. I’ve been teaching a class on Playwriting. I agreed if they would call me a facilitator instead. I DON’T do lectures. 30 adult believers from a number of clubs here in town…and they are learning a lot (So am I – Having people “write from what they know, about values or issues important to them gives great insight into the culture!). They are really hungry to have a creative outlet! But they have a LONG way to go!

Still plugging away at learning Chinese – trying to keep up with Tyler’s P2 studies. It is not beyond the realm of possibility that we’d come back to live in the motherland someday. But for now we’ll just have to visit, and keep our hearts open and vision clear. We’ve sure missed the adventure of China. Singapore is stifling!

Letter to Cameron's Birthmother 2001

1 November 2001

Dear Crystal,

We so often think of you and hope you are doing well. It is nearly a month before Cameron turns 5 and you will be so pleased to hear that he is growing into such a fine little boy. I wish I had time right now to make a picture review of his year, like I did last year, but it’s been a busy season, and I’ve had some computer problems…so, I’ll get this written now, and find the right pictures to catch you up on your most beautiful creation.

He is still the MOST delightful little boy I’ve ever known. His kindergarten teacher says that he starts her day every morning by telling her how wonderful and beautiful she is. Though he is the youngest in his class, in a bi-lingual school, he is not just keeping up, but doing as well as any of the other kids. He is now reading very simple books – has learned how to sound out English words, and he recognizes many Chinese characters too. He’s learning a little Malay/Indonesian too! He can write (even has spelling tests!) in both Chinese and English. He also loves memorizing verses (see the list of those he’s committed to memory – he’s quite amazing!) We have a chin up bar at home and he’s learning to pull up on it to build his muscles. He wears one of his 3 Superman costumes almost every day.

Like a typical little brother, he follows what big brother likes and so we have a lot of talk in our house about Digimon and Pokemon (cartoons) and Dinosaurs. This year Cameron is now old enough to play together with Tyler and since they have similar interests, they are very cute when they are getting along (they bicker quite a bit, but that’s pretty normal. They love each other a lot too!). We spend a lot of play time building forts out of mattresses and sheets, and dressing up in costumes.

We had a great time this summer in California – Disneyland, Legoland, California Adventure, a trip up the coast, to the mountains, on a boat, on the train…It was a perfect 6 weeks, crammed full of adventure and love from Grandmas and Grandpas, Uncle and Aunt, cousin (Cade now 2), and loads of friends who wanted to spoil the children!

We’re looking forward to a visit over Thanksgiving from my parents. We’re counting the days until they come! This year we will go to China in December, Indonesia & Malaysia in January, and to Venezuela in June next year. Hope to fit a trip to Cambodia in there too as the boys have some missionary friends who live in there. So he’s going to need new pages in his passport soon! Tyler has begun doing some commercial work for the Disney channel (the satellite in Singapore serves all of Asia, Middle East and Australia, so Tyler has been in some ads for Australian market), Cameron is so photogenic, but is a bit camera shy. He’s wowed the directors, but still doesn’t want to cooperate in camera. I bet this year he’ll get some work too – he’s so adorable when he puts on the charm!

He still loves puzzles. He has started to play some educational computer games. Luke is still his best friend, but he often talks of a girl named Vanessa in his class…he

says he likes her because she’s fat! His best friend in school is a little boy from Hong Kong. So, Cameron is learning to speak English with a Singaporean accent too.
We have a maid who lives with us (common in this part of the world!) and she loves the boys, and Cameron LOVES her too. She didn’t get passed 1st grade in Indonesia, so she likes learning things with him.

If you saw him you’d probably see things about his personality that are a lot like you! Since we didn’t know you very well, we wouldn’t see these things, but you would. They are surely there. He has the cutest way of praying, and running, and the positions he is in when he sleeps. He’s completely hopeless right now when it comes to eating neatly, but he is so polite, and sensitive. He is not easily offended, can be a great actor (when it comes to crying, or being punished, or caught doing something naughty), makes the funniest faces…

I imagine sometime this year he will begin to understand that a woman named Crystal Cooper brought him into this world, and gave us the precious privilege of raising him and having another son. He notices, but still doesn’t make an issue of why his skin is brown (beautiful, perfect skin, by the way!). He is surrounded by so many races, that he doesn’t feel different, and it hasn’t been an issue. He sometimes hears us use the word “adopted,” when people ask why he looks so different – but e often find that Asians don’t even consider this…they just think he doesn’t look as much like us as Tyler does! I am so glad for the very sweet letter you wrote to him, and the pictures you passed on. They will mean so much to him as he gets older.

You are, as always in our prayers with thankfulness.

These are the verses Cameron has memorized (New International Version)

Psalm 119:105 1 Chronicles 16:34
Mark 10:43 1 Peter 5:7&8
John 14:15 Matthew 6:9-13
Genesis 1:1 Psalm 119:11
Ephesians 6:1 Mark 10:27
Psalm 56:3 Psalm 100
Proverbs 3:5-6 Philippians 4:11b
Ephesians 4:32 Galatians 5:22
Proverbs 15:1 1 Chronicles 4:10
John 3:16 Isaiah 41:10
Ephesians 6:10-11 Deuteronomy 6:5
Philippians 4:13 Psalm 133:1
Romans 5:8 Romans 3:23
Matthew 7:12