How I have thought and prayed over your letter these last couple of weeks! I was so sorry to hear about how the economy has affected your financial stability, dreams, and not the least important your faith in God's goodness...
You said,
I LOOK AT PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT SEEM SO STRONG IN THE LORD AND SO DEVOTED TO HIS PURPOSE AND THEN HAVE TO ASK MYSELF IF MY PROBLEMS ARE BECAUSE I AM TOO CAUGHT UP IN THE WORLD'S VALUES? LIVING IN PALOS VERDES AND BEING SURROUNDED WITH PEOPLE THAT SEEMINGLY HAVE MONEY TO SPARE AND MOMS THAT GET TO STAY HOME WITH THEIR KIDS AND TAKE TENNIS LESSONS.....I HONESTLY STRUGGLE WITH THE SIN OF ENVY AND JEALOUSY.
You are right to say that I don't know you well, but I do know you well enough to observe that you've faithfully been making lemonade for as long as I've known you.
And it doesn't help to live where you do, and have all the tennis moms and PV Homes and school district etc etc to compare yourself too, and what with the Big PRAYER OF JABEZ being all the rage last year...how can you not get depressed when you feel you've been faithful to the Lord, and ask for fish, and get what seems like stones instead...YES! I do understand that.
I knew before we came back on our last visit to USA "home" in June that it would be was the first time I would wrestle with the green-eyed monster.I'd be seeing the lifestyles of my peers, and old friends, and what assortment of things their kids are involved in. I knew because I was experiencing such dissatistfaction with my own circumstances, I knew that the grass of PV would be MUCH greener!
Sitting here at home this month, reading through Christmas newsletters, gives me some of those feelings and doubts again...WHY are we investing our lives like this, when we could have had THIS???? And I revisit with the Lord what is important to HIM, and I feel confirmed in my life's decisions....and then I start wrestling with being judgmental!!! So, see, I'm not such a saint!!
I'm not going to be quick to say "Oh NO you're not too caught up in the world's values!" because I don't know what God's purposes are in bringing you two through this current valley. But I do know that an antidote is to get your eyes and heart off those who (seem to) have more, turn off the TV (with the ads), even go media free for a week or so, so that you don't get bombarded with what you don't have, or aren't like...and it that isn't weird or extreme enough, dedicate yourselves to praying this month for the poor, the destitute, the oppressed, the persecuted.God will use it to bring perspective to your current situation! In those years at RHCC as our friends nearly all bought houses, and we stayed in our apartment/condo, it always helped me to have friends and connections with people who had much less than I did!
There are so many more of these kinds of humans in this world than there are the kind who live in the neighborhoods just above you on the hill...that's such a minute percentage of these "haves" in the world. AND God's promises and love is just as profound and real to the rest of the world's population as it is to Americans, even the blessed welfare recipients in the USA who at least know there will be SOME money coming in. I feel like I'm lucky to have a relationship with the peasant mother of our babysitter in China; she rarely have more that potatoes to eat all year long (if that) and RADIATES the love of Christ, and is confident (most of the time) in his goodness to her. It is SUCH a matter of perspective isn't it? Ah, now I'm rambling... Bless you and keep faithful as you wrestle with these things.
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