What hurt so badly those days was that in the FIRST week of September 2001 I'd had
neighbors and their children in my home making lanterns for lantern festival, and having tea, and getting a group together to go swimming. Then 2 days later, nothing but the twin towers collapsing was in the news and I felt like we were invisible in our neighborhood.
EVERYONE in the world was watching it on TV and talking about it for days on end, and watching and reading how the world was reaching out to their American friends around the world in this time of pain...
Everyone in this town knows we're Americans (They also know how much rent we pay, and that our boys speak Chinese, etc.). Yet NO ONE in Tampines looked at or spoke to me, for a week! On a National scale, when something was put together publically to memorialize those who died (held at National Stadium), it was the American Association who organized it. The Singaporeans did not know how to or didn't value responding with compassion.
At first, because of how painful it was personally, I was angry. Almost hateful. We were so pitifully needy, we all wore t-shirts that said AMERICA to church the following weekend. We wanted people to know we were Americans, hoping someone would speak to us after the service, but no one did. NO ONE! I wanted someone to bake me a casserole, or at least say, "Wow, I'm so sorry about what happened in your country. It's really tragic." But there was just this icky SILENCE.
When people finally said something it was,
"Did you know anyone who died?...NO? Oh, that's good."
(GOOD???)
or
"I'm sorry I didn't say anything, we were all THINKING ABOUT you, I just
didn't know what to say."
Over the months, my anger turned to pity, to compassion. I started looking out my HDB windows to the hundreds of windows within my view, thinking about what kinds of unprocessed pain hides behind these doors. It has grown in me a deeper compassion for the people of Singapore. Going through this painful expereince taught me in a deep way how people are emotionally and socially incabable of handling greif. Mine was deep, but still not entirely personal, or life changing, BUT how much more painful, and "disfunctional" for those who live ALL around us who cannot process the Japanese occupation, or poverty, or loss of a loved one, or abuse, or miscarriage, or infidelity, or retrenchement, or, or, or.... I think I'm much more compassionate for having gone through the post 9/11 experience in a cold country.
To be completely fair: I'll have you know that two friends did call the day of the tragedy, and when I was talking with dear Nora Neo about a week later, she made me a pie! I am so thankful they did. I think if NO ONE had, I may have given up! I may have forced Jim to take me back to the comforts of home (or Tarshish, like Jonah and run from His clear call to be here).
I believe that in time, we are going to LOVE Singapore, not just from our WILL, but by the grace of God with ALL our HEARTS.
