I sang in church!
I do think that the service was really special, and it was really great to be a part of God's Spirit ministering to people in the congregation through our voices. For the two years we've attended this church I've helped the drama ministry a little bit (Got to direct a sketch last year, and 3 from the church were in MISSING BODIES cast, some of them have been in workshops, I had to even say "no" about being involved in helping produce their Christmas drama this year, which was quite an honor to be asked, but wrong timing for me to jump in on the project...).
A few months back I met for lunch with the drama leader and the Creative Arts pastor. That's when the "secret" got out that I'm able to sing. I told them about the Bank commercial/song and being invited to sing in the 3 Men and a Boot concert. I didn't mention that I thought it was very sad and strange that my homosexual anti-God friends have gotten to know me faster than people in the Creative Arts Ministry of my church. In fact the first time I had a meal with someone from the Creative Arts ministry I was desperatly lonely (probably a certifiable nut case) and that person said, "Oh, now that we know you're here for awhile, we'll have to figure out how to use you." Now, I'm sure it was an innocent statement with no intention to hurt, but I allowed Satan to twist it in my heart to mean "YOU'RE not worth getting to know, as a person, and I'm kind of threatened by you, but I'd sure like to 'USE' you for what you can do to help me." Wow. It really hurt at the time, but God has healed that hurt and used those circumstances to confirm his work for me here in Singapore.
Anyhow, I can no longer be just a bench warmer every week at church. I believe they are supportive of my time being mostly invested in connecting with Christian and non-Christian dramatists beyond our local church, so I don't feel pressured to and guilty that I can't spend my weekends singing with the choir.
Oh how I much prefer singing when the lights are off on in the house and I can't see the audiences faces (reactions) to me! It's less intimidating to sing "in character" in a spotlight, than to be myself up there...Even though Rolling Hills Covenant Church is so much bigger a church, I didn't ever have that feeling there, or the church I grew up in, since it was always like singing for family and friends :-)
Given we have so few we can call "friends" at church (the couple from our last newsletter who were recently married have been so sweet to us!), and I'm so obviously a white lady in a sea of Asian faces (and don't ever want to come off high and mighty as "the foreign expert"), I was feeling a bit more "scrutinized," and downright scared to sing! But, the choir was warm and friendly to me in the practices, someone gave me a "Creative Arts Ministry" t-shirt, and once I survived the first service without messing up the words (or passing out!), God really worked to heal my heart about all this past baggage and made me feel "a part" of this congregation instead of still a visitor after 2 years attending.
This experience from the past 2 years has really shown the light for us on how newcomers to churches can get really lost and struggle with meeting people. With James and I solid followers of Jesus and are really committed to the local church I think how much harder for many people finding their way back to church, or trying out God for the first time...They are a little nervous about it, wondering what God might be doing in their lives. Surely they find it intimidating and easy to be invisible. They are not necessarily going to know how to get involved in the body life of a large church.
Our church here has what I've called "the gauntlet" of ushers at the main door to greet you when you come in. Which is great to have people so friendly and warm, I mean REALLY friendly! But combined with my depression and lonliness the first couple of years, and an inability to find anyone at church we could get past "hello. God bless you. nice to meet you. hallelujah." with, this "gauntlet" felt so shallow and fake to me. I dreaded it as a necessary evil to endure in order to enter the worship service. See I told you, I'm a certifieable nut case! But one who can now identify with all the rest of the hidden hurting people who cross the threshold of our churches every weekend.
Anyhow, we sang this song from the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir "He's Been Faithful!" Wow! It was one of those songs where the choir comes in beautifully in the chorus. It was really sweet. And I think the word got out among the 20or so person choir about our not knowing many people, 'cause they were all REALLY friendly to me, and the congregation was busy looking at the words on the screen so I didn't feel so scrutinized, and when I did connect with people's eyes, they were smiling. A young actor friend and her blues band/guitarist boyfriend came to support me, and when I saw them in the audience they were BEAMING, then I knew how God could work through the lyrics in their hearts and lives which made me really happy to see them there. All in all, I feel that through this invitation to sing, Jesus has used this weekend to heal hurts probably not just with me, but with other individuals in the ministry as well as the congregation. Healing that probably we'll have to wait till heaven to hear all about! This is just my story. :-)
Love,
Kimberly
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