I was asked weeks ago to sing an old hymn for church this coming weekend.
When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.
Oh boy. It’s no coincidence that at the same time I was asked by someone else to write an article, give my sage advice, on this subject: “Should Christian Artists Work in Church for Free?” I thought I had settled this for myself long ago; but in the last few days, I’ve discovered a deep root of bitterness and hurt in my heart. Why did God make me this weird “Artistic Type?” And why in God’s earth, even if we reach a certain level of excellence, why is an artists’ work rarely validated by a paycheck? I realize now I’m still working through my issues with the Lord about my worth. He made me to be what I am, and he REALLY LOVES what he made. Yet, I still find these deep beliefs or fears that I’m just this funky little minister’s wife with an unusual hobby that can keep me busy while he does the IMPORTANT stuff. I want to be important too.
Forbid it Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God.
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to your throne.
I know I should be able to do what God’s made me to do even if people were throwing rocks at me, and here I am whining because others’ callings can also give them a decent salary. What am I whining about? God has faithfully and generously provided for me. My life is about as glorious as any could be this side of paradise. SO WHAT if I’m not getting “validated” by a check with my name on it! Jesus didn’t have a good career either. I think I’ll go back to the lyrics of the song I’m singing this weekend and ask our Savior to continue his work in my heart on this.
Were the whole realm of nature mine
[Were that I had a bigger paycheck than even Bill Gates],
That were an offering far too small.
Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul…
Demands my soul,
Love demands my soul,
My life, my all.
Though not up on the Createlevoyage website yet, you can see my unedited article.
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