A Meditation on Proverbs 3

It was nearly 11PM.
This 5'10" fourteen year old sat across from me at the table
and recited Proverbs 3 perfectly.
I watched his still whiskerless lips form these words of wisdom literature:

"My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity." v1, 2

It had been a long school day and there would be a quiz in Bible class in the morning.
When did this 9th grader, taking 2 honors classes and 10th grade Geometry,
and in football practice everyday past 6PM, have time to memorize a chapter of the Bible?
His grades for the 1st quarter came this week.
Straight A's.
How does he do it?

"Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil." v7

And I think as he recites, did we shun evil last night?
With great anticipation, he and little brother had put together their Halloween costumes.
I hate that it has become such a big thing here,
But we approached it as a case study,
a kind of cultural anthropology lesson,
that would yield a bag full of candy.

At 14 he knew he was a bit old for trick-or-treating,
but this was his chance to experience what American kids do
on Halloween. So we ventured out to block parties and
haunted houses to see what it's like.

"My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in." v11, 12

Today, from the stands I'd watched him on the football sidelines.
Cheering on his teammates who play regularly both offense and defense.
He patiently and keenly watched the score creep ahead of their opponent
with a wide margin.

He was waiting to be sent in for his chance to tackle or block someone.
He was wanting and dreading for just one more opportunity to prove
that he can execute a good hand off or pass as quarterback
in a real game.

I watched him on those sidelines and knew he was yearning again:

Wishing he were a better athlete.
Wishing that he'd not feel so anxious that there's only one more game left after today.
Wishing that this didn't have to be just ONE year living in USA.
Wishing that he were like the rest of the 9th graders who can play all 4 years together.
Wondering what it would be like to get stronger and better and be part of the team together all the way through their senior year.

He's experiencing failure for the first time
Since the summer he's worked harder at football than he's ever worked at anything.
And playing well is something he desperately wants. In the end --
And it's almost the end --
to not measure up to his own expectations for himself.

Oh how my heart aches for him as I watch him go through it.
This is a new kind of discipline from the LORD for him.
The LORD who loves him more than I, and has chosen to limit his skill and opportunity
to play this sport he's crazy about.

I know from my experience that even though it hurts,
Depth of character is not carved without pain.

"Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act. Do not say to your neighbor, "come back later; I'll give it tomorrow" - when you have it with you." v27, 28

In a twist of God's ironic plan for this boy,
he did finally get sent in for the last defensive play of the game.
It didn't happen.
The clock ran out.
Maranatha 37 - Brentwood 14.
Minutemen are the winners.
Tyler's feeling like a loser.

"For the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared." v26

Now, later this same evening, we sat in silence
when he'd finished reciting the whole passage.
Proverbs 3.
Word for Word.
With precise inflection to every sentence.

"It's in your head. Well done. You've got it down." I paused. "But what about your heart? What's going on in your heart about this passage?"

I looked to him. He stared silently at me.

"I don't want to talk about it now," he said working hard at his stoicism.

"Do you have confidence that it's really true? If I were you, I'd be wrestling with it."

And then it came out. Confirmation of everything I've just written above. The yearning. The heartache. The insecurity as a teenager in another new setting, in a new culture. The reluctance to dive in and really enjoy new friends knowing the clock in USA time has only got 8 months left of the year.

"Ah Tyler," I choked out. "The Lord does love you. I want to tell you that I know it's true. I want you to come through this knowing that his love for you is deep and faithful. My heart aches for you that you've not realized your dreams for this football season, but as much as I love you, I know He loves you even more.

"When I walked through these same lessons as a teenager, the conclusions I made were that God didn't really love me. That he is capricious and mean. I kept moving on as a Christian living on the surface of faith and quoting Scripture I'd memorized. Even Proverbs 3. Trying to believe it. But in my deep heart I felt He couldn't be trusted. It's only been recently that I've realized I was wrong. That He wanted to use those hard experiences to make me stronger in character and softer in compassion toward others. What happened instead is that, in my misunderstanding His discipline for me, I became harder and angry and less gracious. I don't want that to be your experience.

Through tears we talked about the new empathy he's gaining for those kids whose physical limitations means they'll never even get to try in school sports; or for those who struggle and can't measure up in other ways. Many kids struggle in academics, or speaking in front of a crowd, or in their confidence relating to others and making friends. These are things that he's always succeeded in almost effortlessly.

After a short prayer for him to know deep in his heart God's love for him, for God to meet him with peace in these places of yearning, we tossed out our kleenex, and he lumbered off to bed.

"When you lie down you will not be afraid, when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet." v24

Oh LORD, you alone can make it so.