from JUNE 2009:
Though I’ve been working hard the last few years to figure out how to do a paperless existence, I still love keeping a handwritten journal. There’s something humanizing in our techno world about the feel of your hand across the page as you make note of significant (or insignificant) thoughts, events, insights and quotes that crop up in our otherwise ordinary lives.
In the fall of 2008, exhausted after one too many international moves, and facing the reality of life in our 21st century Depression, I found myself having less and less on my mind that I wanted to write down and let anyone, even if it's just me, remember. The handwritten journal turned into one long chronicle of a pity party. Among other physical issues, I was having a losing minute-by-minute losing battle with “taking every negative thought captive” and was diagnosed with depression.
One of the antidotes for this was starting an exercise of "choosing joy." I bought myself a little 2009 week at a glance and made a pact with myself that everyday I’d write only the highlight, or even multiple highlights, of each day. When I look back on this year, I don’t want to remember any of the doctor visits, disappointments, frustrations of living abroad, or just living.
I want to remember the good. I’m sticking in the business card from the nail shop where Lori took me for my birthday manicure. The theatre or movie ticket from a night I got out of the house (Jim Carrey’s “YES MAN” was one of those outings!). The rare note from my 12 year old son that says “you are awesome.” It’s becoming a little treasure book. I’m letting go of the fact that I irretrievably lost my journal from last year when I was back in USA. It was a significant year of growth and healing with loads of written down wonderful lessons sorting out the past that I was hoping to ponder. I’m choosing joy. God has new things for me.
Scripture says his mercies are new every morning. With this joy journal, I’m keeping track of it.
At the end of every week, I pick the highlight of the week and put it in red pen over the week. Verses from Scripture which have significance also make it in red, along with any other insights I hear or have about what a joy it is to be alive and called by God to be his hands and feet and physical presence in this word. He’s got a reason to wait on setting up that “all things new” kingdom. Who am I to think I know better than him? He’s got me here, and now, for a reason.
Already I can flip through the book to celebrate what a good year it’s been. And at this writing, we’re just at the halfway mark. The theme of my year has become “His strength is made perfect in my weakness,” as day after day, week after week, I get tangible evidence of Jesus’ mercies also at work in the lives of those I cross paths with, and see him working through me despite (or maybe because of) my weakness.
K!Mberly
BTW: I put the "!" in my name in 2001 to remind me to "choose joy" when I was in another valley of depression. My doctor here believes it may be a chronic problem of low seratonin levels in my brain, but now I'm choosing joy. I'm just grateful I live in an era where there is medical help for a person with my condition!
December 2009 update: I'm still writing the daily/weekly highlights, but one week in November, every day of the week reads,
"I'm so convinced of and secure in God's tender, amazing love for me, that any other highlight pales in comparison."
It's true. You know, as a believer that the worst days of life here are the closest we'll ever get to hell and that we have nothing but joy to look forward to eternally, life is a breath and we can put up with ANYTHING!
