My Reflections on 2015

If you’ve been my friend for more than a year, you know my drill at the end of the year...

LOOKING BACK

This year Iearned to.. 

I can now use the remote controls.* Hand lettering on a chalkboard, and watercolor bleeds as a base to calligraphy. Wordswag. Shoot a handgun (on Tyler’s 22^nd)

(*don’t hold your breath for gaming)

Oh yes! I learned that my irritation at the sounds of other people’s eating noises is not uncommon. It’s called Misophonia. Others’ throat clearing, coffee sipping, chewing noises are sometimes unbearable. Like I can’t hear anything else and I want to leave the room. This article made me know I’m not alone in this struggle to live with (and try to hide) the irritation. http://www.wsj.com/articles/annoyed-by-loud-chewing-the-problem-is-you-1445277757

I grew most in…A Scripture verse, passage or book that was important to me was…

Ephesians 4:21-24 teaches us:

… when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Also Colossians 3:8-10 ESV

But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.

2015 brought a lot of learning about spiritual strongholds and walking in freedom from them. So many dovetails into this topic and intentionally digging in research and reading. The cycle of Shame, Fear & Control. Listening to teaching from Restoring the Foundations. Essential Teaching, and Walking it Out (30 days of emails with links to short teaching that came after I bought the pack of essential teaching http://stores.rtfresources.org).

Another Scripture passage that meant a lot to me was… Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thess 5:16-18

Job 33:31-33 Pay attention, Job, and listen to me; be silent, and I will speak. If you have anything to say, answer me; speak up, for I want to vindicate you. But if not, then listen to me; be silent, and I will teach you wisdom.

The best book I read last year is… (What did you like about it?) I GIVE YOU AUTHORITY, Charles Kraft. I have thought a lot about how Christians tend to live accepting things that hold them down, or seem beaten down with various spiritual conflicts that they’ve come to accept as the norm rather than living victoriously or having a hope for change.

Memorable Song or Movie: After he had passed away, "Good to be Alive” was playing on the radio in my father-in-law's car the first time I got in to drive the car. It was as if he were sending a message from the grave.

The best word of advice or encouragement I can remember: “Think of eternity and live backwards from that.”

One of my best adventures was…  March: While Jim recovered from surgery I drove with the dog Jack up to SLO to stay with Tyler for the weekend that happened to be St. Fratrick’s Day disaster (early in the morning, a frat house roof caved in and kids who’d been standing on it were hospitalized). August: Taking Cameron to Liberty Univeristy and getting him set up in the dorms, and then driving to Ft. Benning with my brother Kevin to see Tyler in his new home there. The first time since college days that Kevin and I had a long stretch of time to talk with one another. This happened again in October when he was in LA for business, we had dinner together. It was nice to relax and enjoy uninterrupted time after all these years.

I saw/knew God was doing something when… February: Howard fell and went to the hospital (the beginning of the end) a day or two after Jim was off his Rx pain meds and could drive after knee replacement. The women at the River invited me to their retreat and the praying they did before, and the supportive community that deveopled after that (thanks Lyn Woodruff for including me!) November: Inviting Stefan Dyer to come from Mississippi to have Thanksgiving week with us. Being able to encourage him after having had to drop out of school, and his good friend dying in a car accident, and being too thin to enlist in the military, and being homeless.

July: I had a chance to go to Chiang Mai Thailand for an Arts in Mission conference, and an extra week in Singapore beign a gyspy and visiting many people I loved and sharing some about the book I’ve been writing. Was able to change my flight from Thailand to get an extra day in Singapore (not without great effort! “No way, but not ABSOLUTELY no way.”). Prayerfully asking God about our return to Asia and the potential of living in Chiang Mai, and everytime I thought about it, it was distasteful to me…even to think about it. I just kept thinking, “I’m DONE with living in Asia.”

A real gift from God was… being invited to share feedback on the February Missions Conference at our church, and that led to working on the Conference for 2016. Getting to know the others on the team, and seeing if I can help build stronger bridges with our sent missionaries has been a real answer to prayer.

Something I really enjoyed doing more of was… taking long walks with the dog exploring local beaches and parks. Playing the guitar, even taking lessons. Calligraphy and embroidery.

I was really brave when…  I volunteered to help out at Drama [CHAOS] Camp at church. Way too many kids/teachers ratio! I stayed behind while Jim went to Vietnam and Thailand, I was going to help Jim’s mom “sign the papers” for a retirement community. That didn’t happen.

My thoughts/prayers often turned to... Gratitude. Being mystified that we have it so easy compared to others who suffer. Syrian Refugees and their need for home, their openness to the Gospel, and the relief workers who share with them. My longing to DO something. My mother-in-law…as her husband was dying and then later as she had to grapple with life as a widow again (and Jim as he tried to support her in it). How do we love and support her and show her honor when I don’t like how she’s acting and what she’s saying? A new friend, from a Bible Study, as she wrestled with how to parent her teenaged adopted daughter. She had started disappearing – running off, and getting involved in dangerous activity.

I’m still trying to learn what God wants to teach me through this hard experience...But I think perhaps, it’s: My strong emotions NOT coming the day before at the Army commissioning (which would have been appropriate), but after. After living overseas and never being able to be the host events when my family is together, I was SO excited to have that opportunity this year. There were two chances in a row: Cameron’s grad in May, and then Tyler’s in June. In both cases, my family would change the plans I had made. I had an emotional  "melt down" at the end of the day at Tyler's graduation. The following week I snapped at my dad, and realized that I have a lot of resentment I need to work out with the Lord and figure out how to roll with or confront my family in the future.

One of the happiest memories I’d like to freeze in my mind was looking across the lawn at Cameron after his High School graduation. It has been a long road of love, hopefulness, cheerleading, anxiety and frustration, coaxing, near despair, heaps of money, and tough love that led to this day. Cameron had only attended The King’s Academy for his Senior year and yet, it seemed he was dear to everyone in this community. He cared about others and they cared about him. He even had one friend from his previous Military school who drove 15 hours to come surprise him that day. As I watched him make his rounds of hugs in his cap and gown, I sensed the Lord say, “He’s going to be okay, this kid. No matter what, he’ll always be surrounded by friends because he is a good person.”

Other happy moments: December: Suprising Cameron on his flight back from Liberty U at Christmas. Would he make the connecting flight in Atlanta where his grandparents and I were waiting on to surprise him?? Then, the very next day, Tyler surprised us by coming 4 days early for his visit turning 3 ½ days with us to a full week! Jim had said, “I’m running some errands that are Christmas surprises.” And came back with Tyler. The campfire we four had at White Point Nature Reserve, San Pedro. Alone for hours on a beach in Los Angeles, California. Oh, yes, and spending hours making a crazy dinoaur banner for Tyler at his graduation.

Something I’m looking forward to in this New Year… Finishing Put Off/Put On and publishing it somehow. Whether through am established publisher, officially or self-published, I want to finish it so I can start on another! I also want to start putting together ways to communicate the content, in a talk…in a seminar…with devised theatre…

NOTE: HOW Reflections GOT STARTED: A number of years ago, with 5 young and beautiful Singaporean theatre friends, I started these reflections and Post it note Resolutions. A year ago last January I had the privilege of sharing the exercise with my "Seasoned Sisters;" friends in California. Last year we set up this facebook event. This year we started discussing the reflections in our home group (we're attending a new church plant Redemption Hill Church) Joelle Chiow drew her highlight. It's featured here!

It's really rewarding to reflect and look over the past years and see what's been accomplished, then look ahead with a sense of expectation.

Putting Down Some Roots

Friendship Park, San Pedro. Taken September 30, 2015

I’ve never been very good with plants. Jim used to tease me when after 2 weeks, a houseplant I’d purchased was brown and wilted. If we wanted to have plants in our home, we’d have to make it part of the monthly budget. I’ve always been a plant killer.

However, three moves and three countries ago, I developed a longing for a garden. 

I was more like a compulsion. 

I wanted to be a part of the process of seeing fruit come from plants that had grown from seeds or seedlings I had planted. And for some reason, the plants I started in my styrofoam grocer boxes flourished. I passed my year old Malaysian garden on to a homeschooling family I had met there when we moved. They were thrilled, I felt like I was giving a child up for adoption.

They are just plants. Weird. I would ask the Lord why my heart had this new love that followed me to the the USA one year ago when we came back for a year’s Sabbatical. Doesn’t the putting around in a garden distract me from the work of ministry? Spending time with people? Writing an encouraging note? Preparing a Bible Study? What’s with this hunger to put my hands in dirt and see things grow? I took some birthday money and bought pots for our San Pedro balcony and started another garden, thrilled that in this small space I had 27 varieties of seasonal plants.

Deep down, I knew what was behind it. And even as I write I know, but I am reluctant to tell. 

I want to put some roots down. After 11 moves in 4 countries, in 18 years. I dream of sitting under a mature tree that I’ve seen grow. Perhaps part of it is that I’m starting to have a subtle symbolic reaction to pulling up roots from the hard fought depth of relationships we had cultivated there. Perhaps it’s that I’m coming out of denial about what it means to be an empty nester, my role of cultivating those little seedling boys of ours is over and they are off somewhere else becoming mighty oaks.

So. Here we are. Exactly 12 months into a one year Sabbatical and I feel like we’ve only just started here. Coming alongside aging parents who have suffered a lot of loneliness because we made a choice 18 years ago to move to Asia. Coming alongside women who need encouragement as they step into ministry roles, or are disempowered by the glass ceiling for strong women in evangelical churches. Coming alongside a couple of at-risk teenagers who need an auntie mentor. Coming alongside a team at our sending church who is planning next years Missions Conference. For years I’ve had a blog about Blooming Where I’m Planted. This year has been no exception. 

I suppose we have to be making plans to move on. While both Jim and I now sense God has confirmed we need to be in the USA for a season, primarily for our parents’, Jim still feels strongly about continuing his investment in the Christian leaders in Asia. 

I could go anywhere. 

But I’d prefer it to be where I could put down some roots.