5/17/2014

Transitions Seminar!

I enjoyed leading this morning focused on Transitions, and had great feedback from the ladies who came, and have put together some good notes, based on Terry Walling's Book Stuck (shown below) and Jim's synthesis of Managing Transitions, by William Bridges.

With the women, we spent 2.5 hours. In a second time with the same material, we took 4 hours. Jim did it once with the staff of an international mission group who was moving their HQ to a different country. They took two days. CRMS has DVDs of Terry teaching his version of it in a Seminar in Singapore, 2009. It's flexible. 

(I did last week in Vietnam with two couples who are planting an independent church. Jim set up this new group which started in February. I was going along to help him lead the mentoring lessons we do called Focusing Leaders Network. It turned out they also wanted drama training. That was easy. In February, I had an evening with twelve from their church, and this trip, they brought together Sunday School leaders from 10 churches to do a full day on Using Drama to Teach Children. I have a blog where over the years, I have posted up drama training notes for anyone who needs ideas.)





        

5/16/2014

On being an Empty Nester

One of my friends once told me,

"The most realistic goal of parenting in the teenage years was to not hurt each other so much between 15-18 that you can't mend your friendship later as adults."

Harsh. But realistic.

My youngest, still a teenager, isn't quite an adult, but getting there. He's in boarding school (yes, there's a story behind that). He and I had a sweet conversation this weekend for Mother's Day. We just talked and talked like old friends. The teacher overseeing the call told us we had to "wind it up" we were talking so long. 

Of course absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I'm sure, come summer, when we're together in California, we'll have our share of readjustments to being under the same roof. 


But, he IS maturing. And so am I. There is hope.

I miss seeing him so much that I snagged this screen capture while talking. It's a long time not being able to see him more than 6 months, between January 3 and July 10th. I try not to think about it, it makes me really sad. 


The sadness also gets mixed in with my still being mad at him. 

For Jim and I, children came later than we expected. And then those children left earlier than we'd expected making us early empty nesters. We're getting used to it, but still I feel I've been robbed of at least 3 years of having my children under my roof.

How do I deal with that mix of emotions? Humor. Before they left, I took spiteful photos of the state of my home on the days I wasn't a terrible nag. Those photos have come in handy on those days when I miss him so much.




4/30/2014

Headed to Vietnam to Join Jim

(This was an update to Enc Inc a group of friends in Fullerton CA who keep in touch and are interested in what we're doing)

Jim leaves for Vietnam on Friday. I follow him on the 5th to stay with him and help out thru the 15th. I am so thrilled for him in the groups he has. So much potential through these men he meets with...for impacting the future of the church in Vietnam. I am always touched to see who God opens doors with for this humble man. He's trying to inspire them to get writing about the things they are learning so that as they grow, there will also be books published by Vietnamese on spiritual life and maturity. 

I will get to do a drama workshop there the 10th/11th. It's funny how these opportunities pop up from time to time, even though I don't seek them out. It's so easy for me, and they LOVE IT and LEARN so much! Last trip I did just a one evening thing with a group of 12. They were amazing!


Am also praying for a meeting to move forward with a partner on a book project for Vietnamese Christians based on the Sacred Pathways concept in Gary Thomas' book and Mrya Perrine's book that followed (after her dissertation) What's Your God Language? It's a stretch, but it's an idea that won't go away. So I'm acting on it.

The REAL LIFE drama for us recently was that March 31st Jim hurt his knee that has already been desperate for replacement. For much of April we've been assessing whether he needs to return to US immediately or if, with careful rest, it will get better enough to grit it out until our planned home assignment in mid-November. I'm happy to say we are staying put and marching forward with his planned trips. He's been telling those mentoring groups that he can't be as accommodating as previous trips...on motorcycles, up stairs, mountain paths, etc… the meetings have to come to him, cancelling the Hong Kong trip because there is TONS of walking/lugging luggage on public transportation…so, I'm really glad a decision has been made. And I'm relieved that we do not have to rush in goodbyes, or end anything abruptly.

I felt like I am on hold in some ways, just because I know we are moving back in November, and reluctant to dive in too wide relationally in Malaysia. I also don't want to wear out commuting in to Singapore multiple times a week. I get into Singapore on Mondays for meetings, and usually one or two other days. A mentoring group, who also helps me plan a monthly spiritual retreat for women. Jim's knee business had me pause even more. 

In this waiting time, I have a bit of new direction for my future: doing more writing and Speaking.  It came after 
  • helping with an event where we hosted a Christian speaker/writer in January (I was underwhelmed), 
  • a small speaking engagement I had in Feb for The Group.
  • followed by a little sold out concert i had a 30  minute set for in march. 
  • Then, there were two random exhortations that I need to be writing…specifically about one particular story. 

So, while waiting for Jim's knee to tell us whether it could get better, or needed to return to US, I started writing on one of my back burner book projects… transforming into a story a journal I kept in 2010. It was the first few months that the neighbour girl (stray child) Yi Hui started hanging out at our house.


After 4 weeks is already 130pages! It's really amazing to me how much happier and energetic I am when working on a creative project.

4/11/2014

Save the Trees

The large seeds, nearly the size of golf balls had dropped from to the ground after a heat wave. This was followed by a few good days of heavy rain. All around on the ground many of these seeds had managed to take root and new trees were growing up among dozens of other lifeless seeds. "How is it," I wondered again, "that some take root and others don’t?"

The hired gardeners for this neighborhood come every few weeks with their weed whackers. They comb the earth and hack at anything that is more than an inch from the ground.

Grass.

Weeds.

Seedling trees.

It was only a matter of time before these young plants would get destroyed.

Walking my dog Jack I decided one day this week to rescue a few of these seedlings. So I took along a plastic bag and a trowel for our walk. I looked around for the strongest most mature seedlings.

It turned out to have been a bad day to have forgotten insect repellant. Hungry mosquitoes were a nuisance, and hundreds of ants crawled up my feet and into my pant legs. They were all making me their breakfast. I gave up my rescue operation after about 15 minutes with only seven seedlings and just as many squashed and bloody mosquito bites. These plants, no taller than my hand, and their bulbs with at least a three inch  taproot, had been rescued. They had been rooted out and carried with me back to the safety of my rooftop garden.

I put each of them in some water and then later placed them in some well composted soil. I am eager to see if they survive. It’s strangely thrilling to imagine where they might eventually thrive.

This morning I was better prepared for my mission. I was covered with insect repellant and got an earlier start to avoid the heat.

A short walk from my house, where the seedlings has been most plentiful, I soon discovered the tragedy.

The gardeners had been there only a few hours before me. Perhaps it was yesterday as the cuttings were fresh. They had come sometime since yesterday morning anyway. All of those dozens of small seedling trees I had seen earlier this week were gone. Hacked down with the tall grass.
Disheartened, I decided to make a search for broken stems. I looked among the grass and cuttings for bits of the young leaves that were lying on the ground. This way I might find the bulbs with their strong taproots, and still save some.

I searched and found one bulb, then two.

The mosquitoes left me alone today, swarming still, but only hovering near my repellant sprayed skin; never alighting. Scanning. Scanning. Carefully looking for more bulbs to save.

But I was having a difficult time finding any. I sat down on the ground under a large tree, where I saw some young broken leaves. The ants also left me alone today as I ran my hand along the grass cuttings and uneven ground hoping to come across a broken stem or bulb.

I found another two and gave up. Even if I found more, I reasoned, they probably would not survive after the trauma of the week whacker.

I called to the dog, who had been lounging in the grass and panting after chasing a few birds and enjoying the freedom beyond our front gate. He ran quickly to me knowing a treat was in my pocket. I grabbed his leash and picked up my bag of brokenness and my trowel.

No sooner had we started off for home, than I noticed a multitude of seeds lying around a nearby tree. Some were fresh and green, others had blackened skins their bottoms nestling into the earth. None had taken root yet.

It occurred to me that these might be the best to collect. To save.

They hadn’t sprouted yet.

They hadn’t been damaged either.

They were certainly in the wrong place to ever hope to become a mature tree. At some point these seeds which might soon begin to sprout, would eventually become the victim of next month’s weed whacker. In a matter of time any of these seeds which might manage to sprout, will get cut down like the older seedling siblings I had been routing around for earlier.

As I picked up more than two dozen seeds, it was all somehow symbolic to me.

This way it was easy. No digging, no roots to be broken. No chance of transplanting shock.

The seeds could come back with me and find a safer place to be nurtured and sprout.

As I walked back I thought of the children of the world in places where they are targets of human trafficking. I thought of all the passion that people of this generation have for, and their mission of rescuing young people who are in horrible places and forced to do horrible things.

I thought about the long term lack of success these rescue operations experience. The trauma and psychological damage done to the human seedlings who had begun to sprout in those dangerous places is devastating. The chance of lasting change from a permanent transplant to a safer life is very slim.

It’s not just a matter of going out and taking these kids away from their place of slavery. So many of them, after a rescue, and nurture, and counseling, and skills training, end up going back to the place of bondage instead of making a healthy life in a safer less dangerous place.

In Thailand. In China. In Ukraine. In Moldova. In the Philippines. In Romania. In Nepal…everywhere this is happening.

And I thought of those who are called to work with younger children. Those who are giving education, or housing to the orphans who might have eventually been victims of trafficking? These kids are like the multiple seeds on the ground. They have not taken root in the awful life of slavery. They have had the trauma of falling from the parent tree, but have not yet experienced the hacking off of their youthfulness. They are easier to rescue. There are no roots to dig out. Their tender broken stems won’t get crushed even more in my bag in the process of trying to take them back to safety.

It’s certainly not as interesting to pick a bunch of seeds up off the ground as it is to dig out the seedlings. There’s no drama. It’s a bit more boring, and will take more mundane nurture to see them sprout.

But I’ll bet in the end, years from today, there will be more healthy trees because I rescued the young ones before they’d sprouted, taken root, or gotten wacked.

I’m certainly not saying that rescuing trafficked slaves is a useless enterprise. My insight from the seeds today is that we should ramp up our efforts in pre-empting the slavery.

We’ll have more flourishing forests of strong adults if we give even more attention to  gathering up the lost seeds and nurturing them before they are broken.

Time will tell if I am wrong about this.

4/10/2014

WE CAN DO SOMETHING! be a modern abolitionist

Made a blog for my friend yesterday. Activist Angel Corrigan is building an English library for a school in Nepal. Students have been rescued from sex trafficking. We CAN do be modern abolitionists by supporting the on the ground workers who are helping these kids!

Check it out from this link.


3/20/2014

March Folk Hymns Concert (March 15th). Script

All the Way My Savior Leads Me When my big boys were little guys, I would often sing these old Folk Hymns to them at bedtime. Just like my mom used to do when I was small. They’re grown now. 21 and 17. But even now I’ll just bet you, they wouldn’t mind me singing them to sleep. On occasion… Rarely. Well, probably just to humor me. They’re good boys. This is such an important memory for me of singing these old time songs, or having them sung to me by mom… in the dark after getting tucked in and feeling safe. There are 25 minutes left of this simple concert tonight. I hope you won't think of it as silly, but I want to wrap up this little concert and sing for you as if…well, as if I’m your momma; especially if you didn't come from a loving family, or a family with the sweet bedtime ritual of lullabies. That experience is something you should not have missed out on, and I’m sorry for that. I want to make up for it tonight. I want to invite you to remember what it felt like to be small and enjoy these next few songs as a child might, or with a child’s heart. Soften a little. Relax. Forget the worries and airs you have as a grown up. Let me sing for you and let you feel safe.


Listed below are the other hymns in the set. Interested in the recordings? I have some sweet recordings of these songs from rehearsals with Meng Cham. 
Send me a private message and I'll email you what you want. Or find them on dropbox here.

Savior Like a Shepherd Lead Us
Savior Like a Shepherd Lead Us was originally written for children, but it ended up being loved by adults. I’ll bet you will find it in nearly every 19th and 20th century hymnal around the English speaking world.
 There’s even a true story from the civil war in US about a Union soldier who started singing it when a confederate soldier was going to shoot him. Because the confederate soldier’s mother had sung it to him as a child, he didn’t have the heart to shoot. Years later, when attending a revival meeting, that old confederate soldier heard the soloist Ira Sankey sing it. Afterward he asked Ira if and where he had served in the Civil War. It turned out that Ira Sankey was the singing soldier and this song had saved life!

Tell Me Why
This next song is so old and traditional that no one knows who originally wrote it. But I fell in love with it in the early 90’s when Sesame Street produced an album called “For Our Children” with old rockers singing various tracks. Billy Joel, Little Richard, Bette Midler. It was Hit Me With Your Best Shot Pat Benetar who had sung this sweet song. Here’s Tell Me Why:

I Need Thee Every Hour
In 1872, a housewife, Annie Hawks, is said to have come up with these next lyrics while she was doing her chores around the house. Thank goodness she wrote them down and Robert Lowry, who was quite prolific at hymnwriting and an influential music educator, learned of it and wrote the music. I’d love to tell you more about Robert Lowry. He is credited for writing the earlier song Savior Like a Shepherd Lead us, and one much more famous: “Just as I Am” But that’s not what’s on the program. This one is.

Jesus Paid it All
We’re going to switch it up here for one song, and get a little countrified on you. Once I started looking over all the choices of the old folk hymns, it was hard to come up with a short list for you. I had forgotten about many of them, but this one brought back happy memories from childhood, so it made the cut.


Softly & Tenderly
And now we’ve come to my last one to close out this Folk Hyms evening organized & curated by Dawn Fung. Thank you Dawn for your vision and putting it together for us! And the Artistry staff. Thank you for serving us. And you all too. Thank you for coming tonight. It was such a treat to sing for you. Here’s one last song for the night.

2/21/2014

It All Now Seems So Normal

Can it be that I’ve lived in Asia more than 10 years now?

Some days, it never once strikes me that I’m the only blond for miles; an oddball foreigner. I go about my day, doing the tasks one does to keep the gears of life running, not thinking about my blessed and unusual life being in the midst of fascinating sights and practices and languages. I don’t think about the ethnicity of some of the sweetest friends I’ve ever known, I just think how great it is to be a godmother, or how soon I’ll get another foot massage with Namiko, if Yi Hui will stop by or how I should probably do more jazzercise than the once a week trip to the Clementi Sports Complex with my next door neighbor Jeannette.

Some days, however, I try not to leave the apartment because I don’t want be a head taller than everyone else in the supermarket line again. Ever.

I might very well have been the only Caucasian person on the flight I took to meet Jim in Ho Chi Minh City that week. I didn’t really notice.

I talked nearly the whole time with Brian, a young salesman for a new English multiplatform magazine for enjoying life and culture in Vietnam. He was a bit afraid of flying so I just kept him talking. We talked and talked about family; about his schooling in Singapore; about soulless people of the city; about the vibrancy of developing countries like Cambodia and Vietnam; about personal productivity systems for keeping a hyper-creative person organized and realistic. About experiences in life that make have made me absolutely convinced that it’s more than just “fate” but that there is a personal God who knows and loves us and wants us to know him as our Heavenly Father.

“I’m so encouraged to meet a person like you.” He said.

“Yeah?”

“Forgive me, but, it’s just that…for your age…you have so much life.”
I laughed.

“It’s encouraging to think that in your 50’s you can still have so many ideas and thoughts. And that you enjoy life.”


“Well, the way I see it, I’m only a little more than ½ way to the end of this side of eternal life. I got a long, long lot of time left.”

1/01/2014

ExPat Marriages w/Traction

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It's a wild and sometimes slippery road.

Resolve this new year to get a grip on the question “Why can’t he be more like me?”  Don't miss this opportunity to start 2014 in Singapore with some other women who are on a similar journey.

Join us for a 1/2 Day tune up on understanding the man in your life.

Speaker Poppy Smith, author of Why Can’t He Be More Like ME?: 9 Secrets to Understanding Your Husband, is a spiritual life coach and former expat wife. Her desire is to help women live resilient, spiritually fulfilling lives. Her upbeat, empathetic instruction offers hope and practical wisdom to better understand yourself and your spouse. Her book will be available for purchase at the event. More about Poppy: www.poppysmith.com

Counselor Margo Husthwaite will focus on bringing financial harmony to your marriage and safeguarding your marital assets in the event of an emergency. This expat wife and mother will share valuable insight into living life abroad. In her private practice in Singapore, Margo offers individual, couples and family counseling. Her practice works from the premise that true inner health begins with good mental health. More about Margo: yourtimesg.weebly.com

Cost – AWA Member $50  / Non-Member $75
Price includes Morning Tea, Lunch, Seminar Materials, Lucky Draw Prizes. Venue – American Club, Colonial Room. 10 Claymore Hill, Singapore.

It's coming up quick! Invite some friends & sign up through the AWA Office +65 6734 4895 (credit card) or drop by or mail the AWA, 10 Claymore Hill, M-F 9:30-4PM (checks/NETS).

Monthly Mondays Resumes February 3rd. Marraiges with Traction Facebook Event Page doesn't secure a spot, but you can join the duscussion as we look forward to our time together.

Margo Husthwaite

Happy New Year

Hope to see you on the 22nd for Marriages with Traction!

Poppy Smith