Son, I have been most proud of you this year for the way you have
become more tender toward those you care about; including the Lord.
As a warrior and a gentleman, my prayer for you is that you will
continue to learn from Him and your mentors, how to be a godly Soldier;
how to be genuine in your surrender to the Lord when your learning to
never surrender to your enemy. That you will learn to be as “on guard”
against the schemes of your unseen enemy as you are learning to be
against the seen.
So much love for you,
On Sunday for Mother’s Day worship services for The River Church, at the Beach and Norris in Palos Verdes, I’m going to be doing a monologue that I wrote in 1993 for someone else to perform at Easter that year. I wrote it when you were 6 weeks old and I was discovering what motherhood was all about. These many years later I have the opportunity to perform it myself. Fitting to do it now after having seen you survive the suffering of Ranger School this year, and that you are in a career where you willingly put yourself in harm’s way.
Being your mom has inspired this monologue:
He was my firstborn.
With him I experienced the first time for a lot of things...the first to feel move inside of me, the first to nurse at my breast...the first sweet baby to fall asleep in my arms. Even if he hadn't been conceived of the Holy Spirit, he would have been special.When I looked into his face as a man, I could not help seeing him at all his stages – that sleeping baby, the playful and happy child, or that adolescent who seemed to blossom overnight from a smooth skinned boy into a muscular man. These are things that mothers cherish in their hearts.
We did the best we could in raising him. It was often awkward, knowing who he was. I mean, think about it.
Imagine us, teaching him to pray. “Okay, little Ye'shua, (creator of the Universe) come here. Let’s pray before
bedtime... Yes, to your Father …yes the one in heaven... Yes to your true father! Achh.” You see?
Sometimes...most times...I felt so inadequate. And exhausted. But even though I fumbled around, a lot, Yahweh gave me peace that I was doing it right. Because I was doing my best.
It was hard not to continue mothering him after his ministry began. I even spent time traveling with his group of disciples. To see him endure those exhausting days when the multitudes would give him no rest made me anxious for his health. I had to see that he ate right...What can I say? I'm a Jewish mother.
I feared for his safety when I heard that our leaders were not accepting him as the Messiah. I worried when things sometimes got dangerous. I started hearing the rumors that they wanted to take his life.
And then they did....I saw it. Every mocking word. Every grimace. Every painful heaving breath. Until there were no more…. I had known. All along,...deep in my heart, I had known that something like this might happen. He had tried to warn me and I had tried to be prepared for the worst. But how could any mother prepare for the death of her dear baby?
How could I believe that this was God's plan? I'm the one who gave him life!
But through his death, I am now a woman he has died for. He becomes the one who gives me life. Eternal life.
We think our children belong to us; but they don’t. They are gifts loaned from the Father in Heaven to take care of, and nurture, and love, for the time he ordains. So Mothers…Our Father God also gave YOU to your child, your children.
Women, the children you influence. In all your perfect imperfection, you are a blessing to those children.
As you guide them to whatever their destinies are, let Yahweh give YOU peace that you too are doing it right,
because you also are doing your best.
I know you probably don’t like it that I love talking about you so much. But when I meet people, they want to know if I have kids and what they are like.
I love telling the story of the miracle of how you came to be my son. How you and Tyler wore matching outfits so Chinese people would “get it” that you were brothers, and that telling about your adoption was such a great way to introduce them to the Gospel that we can be adopted into God’s forever family. That you’ve been the family’s “Love
Glue.”
Sometimes, if it’s someone frustrated with raising a teenager, I tell them that you were a knucklehead in Junior High School and came out of adolescence a wonderful guy. Really.
Everyone who knows you adores you. Even some of my new friends here in the South Bay. Last week one lady was saying, “I really can’t wait to meet Cameron. He seems like such a great kid!”
You are so positive and encouraging. I’m so eager to work
together this summer with you as my “trainer” and getting more
fit with dad at the gym. This is the summer you will learn to drive. You
will be getting your first paycheck that swallows up some of your earnings for tax and social security… What else awaits this long
summer break ahead?
I FINALLY had a great inspiration yesterday for a design for your memory quilt and am going to borrow Grammy Sue’s sewing machine. So you’ll have to put up with me sewing while we watch movies and catch up on “Bates Motel” this summer.
Thank you for being so forgiving too, for the times I hurt or embarrassed you when you were a teenager and I was so frustrated with you. I can’t imagine you ever talking badly about others… you are so full of grace.
I love you so much Cameron, and can’t imagine my life happy without you.
You just keep getting better and better. God who oversaw your start, who chose to make you a person to inhabit this planet, sure made a winner when he made you!
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