5/08/2016

A Mother's Day Letter for Tyler & Cameron too

Son, I have been most proud  of you this year for the way you have
become more tender toward those you care about; including the Lord.
As a warrior and a gentleman, my prayer for you is that you will
continue to learn from Him and your mentors, how to be a godly Soldier;
how to be genuine in your surrender to the Lord when your learning to
never surrender to your enemy. That you will learn to be as “on guard”
against the schemes of your unseen enemy as you are learning to be
against the seen.

So much love for you,

On Sunday for Mother’s Day worship services for The River Church, at the Beach and Norris in Palos Verdes, I’m going to be doing a monologue that I wrote in 1993 for someone else to perform at Easter that year. I wrote it when you were 6 weeks old and I was discovering what motherhood was all about. These many years later I have the opportunity to perform it myself. Fitting to do it now after having seen you survive the suffering of Ranger School this year, and that you are in a career where you willingly put yourself in harm’s way.

Being your mom has inspired this monologue:
He was my firstborn. 
With him I experienced the first time for a lot of things...the first to feel move inside of me, the first to nurse at my breast...the first sweet baby to fall asleep in my arms. Even if he hadn't been conceived of the Holy Spirit, he would have been special.
When I looked into his face as a man, I could not help seeing him at all his stages – that sleeping baby, the playful and happy child, or that adolescent who seemed to blossom overnight from a smooth skinned boy into a muscular man. These are things that mothers cherish in their hearts.
We did the best we could in raising him. It was often awkward, knowing who he was. I mean, think about it.
Imagine us, teaching him to pray. “Okay, little Ye'shua, (creator of the Universe) come here. Let’s pray before
bedtime... Yes, to your Father …yes the one in heaven... Yes to your true father! Achh.” You see?
 
Sometimes...most times...I felt so inadequate. And exhausted. But even though I fumbled around, a lot, Yahweh gave me peace that I was doing it right. Because I was doing my best.
It was hard not to continue mothering him after his ministry began. I even spent time traveling with his group of disciples. To see him endure those exhausting days when the multitudes would give him no rest made me anxious for his health. I had to see that he ate right...What can I say? I'm a Jewish mother.
 
I feared for his safety when I heard that our leaders were not accepting him as the Messiah. I worried when things sometimes got dangerous. I started hearing the rumors that they wanted to take his life.
And then they did....I saw it. Every mocking word. Every grimace. Every painful heaving breath. Until there were no more…. I had known. All along,...deep in my heart, I had known that something like this might happen. He had tried to warn me and I had tried to be prepared for the worst. But how could any mother prepare for the death of her dear baby?
 
How could I believe that this was God's plan? I'm the one who gave him life! 
But through his death, I am now a woman he has died for. He becomes the one who gives me life. Eternal life.
We think our children belong to us; but they don’t. They are gifts loaned from the Father in Heaven to take care of, and nurture, and love, for the time he ordains. So Mothers…Our Father God also gave YOU to your child, your children. 
 
Women, the children you influence. In all your perfect imperfection, you are a blessing to those children.
As you guide them to whatever their destinies are, let Yahweh give YOU peace that you too are doing it right,
because you also are doing your best.

 AND for Cameron...

I know you probably don’t like it that I love talking about you so much. But when I meet people, they want to know if I have kids and what they are like. 

I love telling the story of the miracle of how you came to be my son. How you and Tyler wore matching outfits so Chinese people would “get it” that you were brothers, and that telling about your adoption was such a great way to introduce them to the Gospel that we can be adopted into God’s forever family. That you’ve been the family’s “Love
Glue.”

Sometimes, if it’s someone frustrated with raising a teenager, I tell them that you were a knucklehead in Junior High School and came out of adolescence a wonderful guy. Really.

Everyone who knows you adores you. Even some of my new friends here in the South Bay. Last week one lady was saying, “I really can’t wait to meet Cameron. He seems like such a great kid!”

You are so positive and encouraging. I’m so eager to work
together this summer with you as my “trainer” and getting more
fit with dad at the gym. This is the summer you will learn to drive. You
will be getting your first paycheck that swallows up some of your earnings for tax and social security… What else awaits this long
summer break ahead? 

I FINALLY had a great inspiration yesterday for a design for your memory quilt and am going to borrow Grammy Sue’s sewing machine. So you’ll have to put up with me sewing while we watch movies and catch up on “Bates Motel” this summer.

Thank you for being so forgiving too, for the times I hurt or embarrassed you when you were a teenager and I was so frustrated with you. I can’t imagine you ever talking badly about others… you are so full of grace.

I love you so much Cameron, and can’t imagine my life happy without you.

You just keep getting better and better. God who oversaw your start, who chose to make you a person to inhabit this planet, sure made a winner when he made you!

Mother's Day Letter Tradition

Though this letter is so personal, I dared to post it up here because it's been so meaningful for her, that I want to encourage others to start this tradition. I'm grateful to be back in the USA after so many years in Asia in order to have this time with my folks. 

May 8, 2016
Happy Mother’s Day Mom!

Here is your third annual letter of random memories and tons of thanks! I’m so glad to have you
as my mom. This past year, since last Mother’s Day has probably been the year with more
accomplishments than any other year of our lives:
  • Cameron’s High School Graduation in
  • Tennessee
  • Tyler’s College Graduation & ROTC
  • Officer Commissioning at Cal Poly
  • A party to send Cameron off to Liberty
  • with blessings of his adult mentors –
  • mostly your friends
  • Our trip to Yosemite to celebrate your
  • Anniversary
  • Tyler’s Infantry Officer Graduation &
  • RANGER School Graduation in
  • Columbus Georgia

We’ve had sadness too in walking with
Howard through his last days, Kathy
Ramirez return of cancer, and trying from a
distance to support another family member as he had difficulty at Riverside Military and transitioning into a
suitable High School. And you continuing the journey of coping with your brain not cooperating.

You’ve always taken pride in that sharp mind, skilled planning and ability to organize. In these
recent years you’ve wrestled with losing those abilities and have been forced to find your
identity as a beloved child of God, a beloved wife and mother, a brave and gracious patient
with a sassy sense of humor. You keep surrendering to this new normal -- no matter what you
can and can no longer do. You have been so brave.

These last few weeks we’ve been organizing your closets filled with the fruits of one of your
favorite hobbies: clothes shopping. It’s been fun for me to see all the clothes you have! It’s like
going to a clothing shop. While we purge out what is clearly too large for your thinner body, and
put matching outfits of separates together, I’m reminded again of growing up and having a
mom who was always more fashionable than I was. The strange thing is, what stands out in my
mind as an example of that is that you had some Van’s slip-on jungle print tennis shoes before
anyone knew of the new slip-on design!

You are not the Anne Taylor/Talbots kind of conservative professional. You were not even LL
Bean or Patagonia sporty -- wearing collared blouses and slacks and looking like everyone
else. When you weren’t in your PE teacher uniform, your clothes were trendy and feminine! I
think this recent era lace, crochet and peasant layers has been your favorite. That’s the time
when it dawned on me: for all your praise of my creativity, I got my “artsy” from you!

You may not have owned up to the fact that you were a creative, but you were. In your cooking
and sewing and decorating and favorite musicians you were creative. They were always ones
you could easily sing along to. Your creativity was so evident.

You learned how to play guitar and would have me sing with you at the Gamble/Ralls
Christmas Eve gathering. Alfred Burt carols have always been my favorites since you taught
them to me back then.
Long years ago on a deep winter’s night
High in the heavens a star shown bright
While in a manger a wee baby lay
Sweetly asleep on a bed of hay…
You may not have been into pop music or wanted us to go to school dances (we were good
Baptists) but FOLK DANCING was okay. You loved teaching folk dancing as part of your PE
curriculum. The Filipino dance with the bamboo poles “tininkling,” square dancing… and of
course drill team routines.

You’ve been a good balance of organized/controlled with fun loving/free. Well, maybe more on
the controlled side. But as I reflect on life growing up with you as a mom, and have read and
learned of what childhood was like for others, you were AMAZING! You kept our daily life and
family calendar organized and humming along with rarely a sense of hurry or stress (oh how I
remember your long packing lists for Camping, or planning lists for prepping a party!) YET you
were not frantic or crabby by the challenges of family life in the fast lane. You’ve laughed and
enjoyed life and took time to watch a bit of TV, bake, sew, and be the scorekeeper at little
league games (BTW: If you had raised me in this era, you would have known by my inability to
learn to keep score at those games that I was ADD. You tried to get me to do it, but I could
NEVER stay focused enough to not miss all those details of hits, runs & errors! You, however,
saw and remembered EVERY play!)

That’s why I know this season of your brain not working well has to be especially frustrating,
and I grieve with you this gradual loss you have been living with. What I admire so much about
you right now is that while I’m sure you have your times of sorrow, you are choosing to stay
cheerful, loving and keep your sense of humor. I see you choosing to focus on gratitude for
what you do have: lots of love, respect and affection from your family and the many people you
have invested in over the years; PLUS the security of knowing your true identity in Jesus
Christ, and how dear you are to our Heavenly Father who has promised his care and provision.

You are my hero Mom. You always will be.

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.