Our Story of Infertility. From 2004 for Little Miracles book by Peter Lim

Back in 2004 I wrote this chapter for Peter Lim who was putting out this book as a thanksgiving offering that they were finally going to have a baby. I just checked and it is not available on Amazon, but Peter may have some copies!

Kimberly & James Creasman

Married June 1985

Infertility approx. 5 years, saw a specialist for 2 years.

Tyler, 1^st child: biological son conceived thru IUI, born January 1993 (after 7 ½ years married)

Cameron, 2^nd child: bi-racial son adopted December 1996 through Bethany Child Services in USA (private adoption)

It was 1996 and our first child, Tyler was turning three. We’d been through the ups and downs heartaches of five years of infertility the first time around, it was an emotional roller coaster we didn’t want to get on again. Starting on another journey of infertility treatments was too much of a gamble. We would surely spend too much money and emotional energy on the process and still not have any success in conceiving and delivering a second child.

Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” The desire of our hearts was to have a second child, and that our first child, Tyler, grow up with the blessing of a sibling. We had always prayed through our years of infertility, “God grant us the desires of our hearts, and if our dreams are not in your plans for us, please change those desires.” So, again we put our faith in Scripture. We focused our hearts and minds on delighting in the Lord, and we were confident that he would, in His way, satisfy our desires.

Another thing we were sure about was that there are many unwanted pregnancies and orphans in the world. We have strong convictions about abortion and caring for underprivileged. It was not a difficult decision for us to begin the procedures to adopt our second child.

Toward the end of 1996 we drafted and sent a letter to the Heath Clinics of all the Christian Colleges in USA, and hired an adoption attorney. We also had registered with a private agency working with women in crisis pregnancies. What follows is an excerpt from the letter we wrote to introduce ourselves to women who were considering giving their baby up for adoption.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purposes in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:28

For our first 7 years of marriage we were eager to be parents. We wondered why God was not granting us the desire of our hearts. Month after month we worked with an infertility doctor. It was a time of disappointment and discouragement, but we had confidence that God always knows what is best. Finally God answered “yes” just before Mother’s Day in 1992.

Four months into our long awaited pregnancy, Jim’s father was diagnosed with terminal cancer that would quickly take his life. Through Dad’s last months of pain and discomfort, God, with perfect timing, had provided a great source of joy: his first grandchild. We hadn’t known through the years of waiting for a child, that God’s timing would be perfect for us. Rarely this side of heaven do we get answers to our questions of why God is slow to answer or silent. In this situation, he was gracious to show us his reasons for answering “wait.” As a newborn baby, our son Tyler was still small enough to be held safely in grandpa’s weak arms in the few months before he died.

Now, here we are, four years later. This little Tyler prays every night that God would give him a baby brother or sister; the desire of our three hearts. Being parents has been the greatest experience of our lives and yet our infertility problems have worsened. Wherever you are, you are reading our letter because you are wondering what the future holds for you and the child you are carrying.

God is a good God, and he cares so much for you, for us, and for your baby. Our prayers are with you as you make these important decisions in the days to come.

With hope for a bright future,

The Creasmans

Jim, Kimberly & Tyler

Two months later, our Christmas cards were delayed in the sending. Here’s the letter we sent out with our cards a few weeks after Christmas:

January 13, 1997

In late August, when we decided to pursue a domestic adoption, we began praying that it would come together quickly; specifically, that a birthmother would choose us by Christmas, December 25^th, and that a baby would be in our home early in 1997. Not that God needed a date, but we thought it couldn’t hurt to let him know our desires….

We left December 3^rd for a two week mission trip to Asia (we were exploring options for serving in Singapore and Indonesia). We had not been able to finish all of the adoption application paperwork, or the required home study. Never-the-less, while in Indonesia, we received a fax from the agency to which we were applying for adoption. They were notifying us that a birthmother had chosen us. She was due December 25^th. “Are you interested?” We faxed back, “YES!”

The day after we arrived back to LA, we learned that the baby had been born early (December 14^th). In a whirlwind of meetings, a rush of paperwork, and a fog of jet lag we decided that this 6 pound, 11 ounce baby boy was the answer to our prayers. Only 5 days after arriving home, he was our son! We brought him to church the day he was adopted, and our first week back from the trip. Some people thought that the pastor had brought a baby back as a souvenir! We washed all of Tyler’s newborn clothes with the laundry from our trip!

We are still stunned at how quickly this has happened, yet it is exactly what we prayed for! What a wonder-filled Christmas to hold our adopted newborn while worshipping the newborn Jesus. He came so that we might have the opportunity to be adopted as His children. We thank God for his goodness and have great confidence that He brought Cameron into our family. 

More than 7 years down the road now, we thank God everyday for the joy and challenge of raising our boys. We continue to pray whether God would want us to adopt again (though we’re not getting any younger!). There is nothing in life that gives us such a clear picture of our heavenly father’s love for us than being parents. There is nothing better to help us understand and share with others the wonder of being adopted as heirs of God’s kingdom.

Our prayer for you would be that God would deepen your love for, and trust in him as you wait for him to fulfill the longing of your hearts. May He grow in all of us a yearning for him as deep and passionate as our longing to have children. May he strengthen your character and deepen your compassion for others who hurt as you walk this part of your journey.

DEMO REEL.

We've not met? 

You've not heard me speak? Sing? Oh my. Where have you been all my life?

So, if you're thinking of having me speak for your group, here's an unconventional intro to me.It's from a little concert a few years ago at the Singapore Arts House. Some background about our life in Singapore, and how I sometimes approach my relationship with Jesus. It's the best thing I have that sums me up. 

Including those who are playing with me: Keyboard is Deniece Foo a young leader/triple threat (i.e. dancer/singer/actor...well quadruple threat if you count /keyboardist). She was just out of college and I invited her to try out jazz. Now she directs her own show choir company Glee Studios. And then there's Meng Cham on the mandolin. You can't find samples of his performing on the web, but he's fantastic musician AND shepherd in his position of Music Pastor at Grace Assembly of God. Finally, Charles Wong on base, NUS Associate Professor (Chinese Scholar), Luthier of custom guitars, and the truest Renaissance man I know.

Transitions Seminar!

I enjoyed leading this morning focused on Transitions, and had great feedback from the ladies who came, and have put together some good notes, based on Terry Walling's Book Stuck (shown below) and Jim's synthesis of Managing Transitions, by William Bridges.

With the women, we spent 2.5 hours. In a second time with the same material, we took 4 hours. Jim did it once with the staff of an international mission group who was moving their HQ to a different country. They took two days. CRMS has DVDs of Terry teaching his version of it in a Seminar in Singapore, 2009. It's flexible. 

(I did last week in Vietnam with two couples who are planting an independent church. Jim set up this new group which started in February. I was going along to help him lead the mentoring lessons we do called Focusing Leaders Network. It turned out they also wanted drama training. That was easy. In February, I had an evening with twelve from their church, and this trip, they brought together Sunday School leaders from 10 churches to do a full day on Using Drama to Teach Children. I have a blog where over the years, I have posted up drama training notes for anyone who needs ideas.)

Monthly Monday: Transitions We all are familiar with the uncertainty that comes in times of transition. Many of us are currently in one! What is a transition? What is the pathway through the transition? How does God use the transition to shape my life and direction? How do I know when the transition is over? Based on CRM Leadership Development lessons, and Terry Walling's book STUCK! we will spend the morning looking at finding God in transitions and discovering his purposes. This perspcetive will help you surviving and navigating your next time of transition! For info about other Monthly Mondays with the Christian Connections of American Women's Association Singapore, click here. Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace given you when Jesus Christ was revealed. 1 Peter 1:15 CHRISTIAN CONNECTIONS A special interest subcommittee of the American Women's Association Singapore

        

On being an Empty Nester

One of my friends once told me,

"The most realistic goal of parenting in the teenage years was to not hurt each other so much between 15-18 that you can't mend your friendship later as adults."

Harsh. But realistic.

My youngest, still a teenager, isn't quite an adult, but getting there. He's in boarding school (yes, there's a story behind that). He and I had a sweet conversation this weekend for Mother's Day. We just talked and talked like old friends. The teacher overseeing the call told us we had to "wind it up" we were talking so long. 

Of course absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I'm sure, come summer, when we're together in California, we'll have our share of readjustments to being under the same roof. 

But, he IS maturing. And so am I. There is hope.

I miss seeing him so much that I snagged this screen capture while talking. It's a long time not being able to see him more than 6 months, between January 3 and July 10th. I try not to think about it, it makes me really sad. 

The sadness also gets mixed in with my still being mad at him. 

For Jim and I, children came later than we expected. And then those children left earlier than we'd expected making us early empty nesters. We're getting used to it, but still I feel I've been robbed of at least 3 years of having my children under my roof.

How do I deal with that mix of emotions? Humor. Before they left, I took spiteful photos of the state of my home on the days I wasn't a terrible nag. Those photos have come in handy on those days when I miss him so much.