Written June 13th, 2021
to September 21, 2021
It’s the middle of June and Spring has
S t r - e - t - ch - ed
into summer.
[…Now it’s July,
…Now August,
…How can it be September already?]
My heart still hurts over what I don’t understand, and details I don’t know.
A weight won’t lift from my chest.
My sorrow hasn’t found an outlet.
An early June weekend in Charleston helped.
A first mother/son trip (Both of us still blue).
He keeps things close to his chest as he learns about grief,
Seeks advice from a counselor.
And waits on a silent God for direction.
What to do with all that love?
It just takes time to know.
Oh how I’ve wanted to reach out across the miles
To a delightful,
Beautiful,
Mysterious,
Wounded,
Girl.
The silence is weird.
“It’s not my place”
May make a good excuse.
But I want to say something. Something like
“I love you still.”
“I pray every day.”
“I bless you.”
I want to offer comfort.
I want to ask, “Is there something I can do?”
People had warned me
Not to fall in love with the girls your sons fall for.
I didn’t listen.
~~~~~~~
When you entered Tyler’s life,
my heart had been light for nearly a year.
A constant song.
As parents, we weren’t merely spectators.
Perhaps coaches. Friends. Cheerleaders.
It was so romantic.
It was delightful.
And then, all of the sudden,
It wasn’t.
Yours was such an unusual courtship;
Stretching across the globe.
S t r - e - t - ch - ed
your creativity too.
Dating by zoom.
Practicing Yoga,
Cooking together
Reading books,
Listening to podcasts.
We all found “The Place We Find Ourselves”
Virtually.
In 2021 the whole world was stuck
Navigating life with a dangerous virus that closed borders.
The months went on.
Dragged on. Pressed in.
S t r - e - t - ch - ed
more than creativity.
It stretched Patience. Grace. Will.
Exploring options. Researching. Praying. Waiting. Imagining.
Our hopes had been in Tyler finishing his military commitment by early summer.
Then awful unexpected news came: Another YEAR was required.
And grad school in Sydney postponed for what felt like an ETERNITY.
How could Tyler show her that he was committed to her?
Perhaps by following Beyoncé’s admonition about a ring…?
(That was the advice anyway.)
Surely it was a misunderstanding
That turned the relationship sideways.
And something unforgiveable buried it upside down.
Tyler got a motorcycle. We got a third dog.
I remind myself that this is not the first time
I’ve surrender to Sovereignty
When life is painful.
