A Sunday Morning Prayer for a Withered Garden

It's Sunday morning again in America and I wake early to thoughts of individuals I've met at the church we've made home for the year.

Lord, their souls are languishing.

Almost to a person, I've met my peers in American church, and they seem to have withered souls. Burned out and resigned. Am I reading too much into it or is this discernment?

They all speak of having once been 'really involved,' but now they're not. As if it were a club. No one talks in language that has any hint of a Spiritual pulse that the living God indwells them. They seem resigned to live on the surface of their spiritual life while You, the depths of You, is calling to what is deep in them...and their children.

I wonder how much of our Spiritual lives are mirrored in our marriages. We are, as a church, the Bride of Christ, and these peers I'm sure were once passionate and full of hope in their walks with You. But now, down the road a dozen or more years, the experiences of life, and the affairs of the world, and the responsibilities of raising the children have all but killed our libido and turned our date nights into a chance to synch our planners.

And this leads me to wonder, how Lord are they able to impart the idea of walking intimately with you to their children? Praying with my children in the evenings as they go to bed is such a sweet time in our family's spiritual life, but I know that most others don't have this ritual past pre-school, and then church is something we go to on Sunday out of duty, or ritual, or habit. It's an "ought to." That's not going to win the children to a life of following you.

Lord, what am I to do about it?

I need fellowship. I need encouragement. I need You. I need them.

I refuse to give up and give in to middle aged spiritual languishing. I've come back to USA thinking this was a place to be fertilized and nurtured and now I'm grieving to find such a sorry state of what's passed off for fellowship and worship among Christians. With all our websites, and magazines, and infrastructure for communication, people don't really seem intimate with one another, or intimate with You. You've placed in me pastoral gifts that grieve for them but I'm not sure what to do about it except come to you...and type this prayer. For me writing always gets it off my chest. You take it and lead me in what I should do with this sadness, and this yearning to help, this conviction that it shouldn't be this way.

Maranatha JV Sidelines - PreSeason

JV Sidelines - PreSeason
Originally uploaded by K!Mberly

This was a rough weekend of football. Though we won our game today, there's still a lot of learning going on. Plus, as the news spread through the bus on the way to the game, and into the stands as the game got going, we were all a bit sobered by the news of last night's varsity game on the same field: 2 tragic injuries very early in the game to 1st & 2nd string Quarterbacks. They both went from the field to the hospital. Having recently met the parents of one of the boys, We're just heartbroken for them. (Lord, draw them to you, comfort them, help them process what has to be a devastating disappointment in a way that will make them stronger and more faith-filled and not bitter over it). Then, to cap off the day, ucla had an embarassing defeat in Utah.

Fiction to Cook By

I'm loving my new iphone.

For what it lacks in some features I frequently used on my Nokia,

(no sms 'groups' to send multiple people the same message, no lyrics, 'to do' notes in ical don't sync, no zoom on camera, being able to add a person's photo that's already in my phone as a thumbnail in my contacts, or assign a special ring tone to my special friends or groups, or sync family info - like kid's names or birthdays with the contact list...okay, okay, I know, I'm a geek)

this beautiful little tool makes up for what it lacks in being simply snazzy, delightful fun.

(ie. MAPS: it's really fun to be able to look up places when I'm lost -- like where's the closest In-N-Out Burger? -- and then get driving directions. Bored in a long line or while on hold. Stress no more! I can now watch the best on YouTube, and surf the web with a BIG GIANT screen that really does that 'expand thingy' when you need to zoom in on a detail you'd like to read)

But, most of all, I'm loving it mostly for having ready tunes piped into my brain again.


(Momentary whining: my former ipod crashed right in the middle of memorizing music for a concert the month after it's extended warranty wore out.)

The many uses of my ipod in Pasadena:

• I drop Tyler at school and explore another workout venue: the 4 miles around the Rose Bowl and adjacent golf course. All the while listening to the mind (and hopefully heart) altering book of Philippians.
  
• Tonight while cooking dinner, I had Meryl Streep in my head reading a John Cheever short story.
• The other day, while watering the plants outside, I listened to a new(ish) broadway musical BOMBAY DREAMS.
• I listen while driving to school to the gorgeous voice of Marcus Buckingham as he tells me the One Thing I Need To Know
• I have to stop in the hardware aisle of Target to have a laugh at the lyrics of the song GASTON from Disney's Beauty and the Beast.
  

Oh, yes! And I did make up for the Missing Music Lyric function:
I set up a new gmail account and use it exclusively to email myself the lyrics to songs I'm learning. I refuse to have the onslaught of unread emails enter my iphone's domain. I don't want to be reminded at every glance that I have 574 new unread emails. So I'm now using the email function to be my 'music lyric library.'

(did i already write that I know I'm a geek?
Yes. A gorgeous geek is finding fun ways to add spice to life!) there's no more.

TWO 80th Suprise Parties: Bookend a Great 10 days

Last weekend was full of thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving for step-dad Howard's 80th surprise birthday party. He was surprised! Meeting and getting to know his dearest friends and family we don't know well, or have never met. Nice to have time with in-laws at an event that honored this wonderful man.

The Farrels, Bill, Pam and Caleb, in El Cajon: Gave Tyler private tutoring in football. Generous hosts in every way. Great conversation, ice cream, a BBQ + a blessed morning in their mega-church Shadow Mountain (which was nice when I've come away cold and disheartened from many church services so far). There was a guest classical guitarist, and a guest speaker with an inspiring message to HANG IN THERE. Both made me weep more than once!

The Farrels came to Singapore in February where we reconnected over dinner and hearing the two of them speak to singles. Being with them again, it is exciting to see their clear sense of call for building up marriages (through speaking and writing), and Pam's new minsitry to women over 40: cell groups for friends to spur one another on to love and good deeds (Heb 10:23,24). The groups are called "Seasoned Sisters." Can't wait to have a group of my own like this! The book for the first year of these Seasoned Sisters groups is Fantastic After 40! Check out the links. Wanna start one together?

Then this past week, since our trip down the San Diego area, there's so much more to be thankful for...

Cameron having a blast of a 2nd week where he's the ONLY child around. This week he's with my folks, camping in San Diego at Silver Strand State Beach. My parents really shower him with love and attention and he just SOAKS it up. (Last week, he was with Jim and I for a special "only child week" while Tyler was away on a church houseboating trip).

I'm loving the "99cent Store" and the Monday delivery of the Trader Joe's produce! PLAN: I see what's in stock before decide on the week's dinner menus. And grocery shopping elsewhere is still really fun. Stores are all as beautiful as Jason's (an upscale place in Singapore), and the WIDE aisles. I love it! I now know my way around the local grocery stores and we're trying out some new foods we've never eaten. We also now have enough quarters to do laundry (Jim went and got $100 worth!)

I wrote about tyler and football in and earlier post. I'm really proud of his determination and how he's maturing.

I'm thankful for a great meeting with the Technical Director at Pasadena City College. I really think I'm going to enjoy my classes there.

Another hike on a mountain trail near our home. Discovered a Children's Museum while wandering around a park near the famous Rose Bowl where UCLA plays their home football games.

Then this weekend I'm thankful some more....

My brother Kevin flew into town and almost made it from LAX to Maranatha High in time for Tyler's football scrimmage.

The 4 of us Creasmans strolled Paseo Colorado (our local outdoor mall) to check out the weekend nightlife in Pasadena. Such beautiful comfortable weather. At one end of the mall they were giving free salsa lessons with a live band. About 300 people were learning the steps! What a city! A young woman saw Tyler's "Maranatha" sweatshirt and popped up to us to introduce herself as a sophomore who studies there too. Sweet.

Another chance to get to know our church for the year: Lake Avenue. Attended a Sunday School class geared for Entertainment Industry professionals. Had a warm reception from them and enjoyed meeting many creative people, both in class and over lunch.

Saw an old friend perform in a stage production of Beauty and the Beast. She'd babysat the boys before we moved to Asia 10 years ago, now she's married, a teacher and doing singing and acting on the side! While congratulating her afterward, she introduced us to her good friend who is going to be Tyler's drama teacher this year. He and his wife were also there as her "fan club."

Then we bookended these two weekends with ANOTHER 80th Surprise Birthday Party: Jim's Aunt Mary, who lives about 10 minutes from us here. Had a sweet time listening to her grand-daughter tell me of her journey as an artist. I look forward to and am glad for this part of our family who we haven't known well, but now live so near.

It's going to be a fun year even if it's just a whole bunch of days like the past 10 have been: connecting with interesting people and soaking up who they are and what God is doing through them.

Game Ready? Game Exhausted!

Game Ready? Game Exhausted!
Originally uploaded by K!Mberly

This photo is my favourite of the summer. Taken in July, on the way back from the Fellowship of Christian Athletes football camp.

But here's the news from tonight: Tyler was sitting at our dinner table telling his athlete tales about his making it through to Thursday of football's 2-A-Day practices called "Hell week" (2x3 hours of intense physical conditioning). Before this week started, most of the rest of the boys were in the summer conditioning program. Tyler had missed most of it because of our 4 week road trip to see family & friends. He was rightly feeling scared that the others have all played on teams before and have gotten in such better shape this summer while he was away.

So tonight, the end of day 3, He told us the way he was mentally getting through: He thought about the individual exercise at hand and tried not to think too far ahead. He said he needed to just focus on getting through that and then worry about the next one. Don't think about the practice later that day, or how many days to go. "If I didn't focus on the hard part right in front of me, I'd have lost heart." He told us he's been quoting scripture to himself: Isaiah 40, Proverbs 21:31. Praying for strength along the way (How many challenges in life he will have the opportunity to apply this lesson to?)

The JV team started the week with more kids than uniforms - 65. At the end of this afternoon's practice, they've lost 1/3 of them. We wondered how many of those guys had working parents, or little encouragement from home to stick with it. I've pumped calories and good healthy food into him all week, massaged his legs with tiger balm, prayed over him...he's really gotten a lot of TLC this week. He's hobbling around like a 90 year old man, but he's blossoming into a man of confidence and strength before our eyes. It's remarkable what a bit of encouragement can do. Well, plus the big lesson of being stretched beyond yourself to find you can do more than you thought.

One time this week, when I told Tyler how proud I was for him to keep at it, I told him I believed he had what it takes, he said, "Well, thanks mom. I'm glad you have faith in me, 'cause I'm not a confident in me as you are!"

It's not just that he merely wants to play football during his big "year in America;" he wants to play QUARTERBACK (the brains and the leader of the team out on playing the field). All through the summer I've watched him stand tall and confidently tell people that's the position he's going to play. Jim and I are wondering, "Are we encouraging him to overreach??" "Are we setting him up for failure or heartbreak?" There are at least 4 boys older than him who are also going to play the position. He's wavered thinking about it through the summer, "Am I being realistic? Should I go for one of the other positions so that I'd have a better shot at being successful?...At getting a chance to play? ...At NOT making a fool of myself?"

And I think of a scene in the movie PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS. Will Smith's character, Chris Gardner, tries to give his little son a dose of reality about his future playing pro basketball...and TOTALLY deflates him. But then Chris wisely goes for a rebound with a speech to him about NEVER letting anyone talk you out of your dream.

So Jim and I have said to our eldest: "Tyler, if you want to play quarterback, then stick with it. You never know how it's going to turn out. If you've got a dream, and you know it's your heart's desire, don't give up on it unless GOD himself closes the door. And just think how very, VERY cool it will be if he keeps it open for you!"

(and then I have to pray that God's plan is to not close the door by allowing an INJURY in this sport the coach calls "controlled violence!").

He's heading off to bathe now; repeating hIs news from the coach today: in their last full day of "hell week" tomorrow, he'll definitely be playing "scout quarterback" for the defensive teams. He's psyched! I even detect a little bounce in his hobble!

"Top 10 Questions About Life"

Have you seen the Sean Covey books?
Before their weekly guitar lessons last year, Jim and Tyler went through
The 6 Most Important Decisions You'll Ever Make
(they haven't read
The 7 habits of Highly Effective Teens
which I'm sure is as practical as his best selling dad's book).
They're really insightful and well communicated. You may like it for inspiration!

Here are my top 10 questions (well, more than 10...but who's counting?)
During College Life Questions (some I still ponder):

What's the point? Why are we here? I learned that it's "to give glory to God," but I just don't see it.
Why are people so hateful & mean to each other when being kind works, and it makes everyone happier?
Why is there so much suffering and abuse in the world? What makes people be so evil?
Why do those with the means to make a difference for good not do something to really change the world?
What career path should I choose? Can I make millions somehow so I can change the world?
How can I make a living following my heart and the things I am passionate about?
Will I be able to handle all the responsibilities that come my way?
If Christianity is true and Christians are promised an 'abundant life thru Jesus,' why do they all seem so unhappy and duty driven?
Is it really better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all?
How can truth be "relative?" that doesn't make sense.

My mid-40 questions:

Am I doing enough, or the right things, to significantly make the world a better place?
Am I giving the children adequate experiences and education to find their calling in life?
Is my healthy diet enough, or do I have to buy organic foods in order to not poison myself?
How can men (and my boys) stay sexually healthy/pure when sensuality and sex is so unavoidably in our faces all the time?
Am I too old to take a dance class?
How should I prioritize the competing demands of life - what, of all the good things, should I focus on?
What will it be like when my parents health starts to fail?
Since I got boys as children, will I get any girls as grandchildren?
How will I die?
Will I outlive my husband or will I go first?


[The above was in response to cousin Carl E. Creasman's query: Hi there, family—I need your help.
Would you please send me a “Top 10 Questions about Life” that you are facing. What are the most important things that you are dealing with now, or say over the past few years? These could be things that, now, you believe you have satisfactorily answered.]

Pasadena City College Wanderings

A very productive, enlightening, strides forward kind of day.

Finished up Tyler's registration process at his new school. My "baby" is off houseboating and waterskiing and wakeboarding and possibly flirting somewhere on the Sacramento River Delta. Our home church's version of Camp. 13 houseboats. 200 kids. You can call in a number everyday and get an update from the youth pastor. Today he reported that they'd tied the boats all together to make "Water World" with a big open space between them to jump off the roofs of the boats into. SO, in honor of how I'm feeling, I'll post a picture from about 10 years ago:

Today I also went over to to MY new school: Pasadena City College.
Prayerfully wandered around the music department, theatre dept, foreign languages, bookstore (where I overheard 2 students speaking Chinese), and administration. You can learn a lot about the ethos of a school by doing that...and reading what's on the bulletin boards. After a couple hours there, I feel less nervous...more at home.

Spent more time looking over my class options and figuring out how a schedule might work. The person from the technical theatre department was not able to meet me today afterall, so I'll go see him at 10 tomorrow a.m. I've asked to meet with him to prioritize my classes and give advice about what will be offered next semester.

Took to admissions the copy of my CA tax returns and copy of driver's license (the original got packed to storage in Singapore). Good thing i took one of those emails seriously....you know the one that says, "Stop what you're doing right now and go make a copy of all the items in your wallet." Only I scanned the items and that act, and the resulting copy of my CA driver's license is saving me $150 a unit because it's spirit-of-the-law 'proof' of my CA residence.

While waiting for the theatre teacher, a young woman who'd driven from hawthorne wanted to borrow my course catalog and my pen. She's going to have another go at trying to take some college classes. She's tried before, but had to drop. Before she left I asked if I could pray for her. She said yes so I prayed right there for her: to be successful in her time management of work and school, in helping keep up her motivation and dedication to sticking with the work, and in knowing God's great love for her and his guidance for her future. It was kind of fun. She walked away grinning.

(A few weeks ago I decided that I'm going to be actively looking for opportunities to pray with people, strangers or not. And especially every week at church - do my part in making sure that at least one person's effort to get there is blessed by a personal caring touch of a prayer. I know it sounds a little kooky, but I'm comfortable with it, people seem to like it, and it's about the only thing lately i've sensed that the Lord is truly calling me to do.)

Disappointed by my discovery that the Chinese Department teaches the Taiwanese traditional script (and not the easier script used by 1/4 of the world's population!!) I wondered what we're going to do as a family to keep up with the language if taking a class here is not an option. Then I saw 3 Chinese speaking students in admissions who were obviously a little lost as to what to do next. I was able to come alongside them and help them out by translating the instructions about ESL placement. That was fun too. Give them some real help and encourage them too as we left the building together, "i've been in your shoes in Kunming, so I know what it's like to be confused and unable to read!" and "Just think, in 2 years you'll be able to speak English better than I speak Chinese!...But, that will only happen if you don't hang out only with Chinese friends!" we parted ways as they headed toward the ESL dept.

and then i had an idea: 1 for 1 hours of tutoring for all of us with a Chinese national, then having them stay for dinner. OR hosting an "English Corner" in our home once a week. It would be pretty easy to get students out just by posting a notice in Chinese on a bulletin board in the ESL dept. Something to definitely pray about! Will we do it or is just one of the many ideas that enter my mind in a day?

BEING THE SAME

After our visit to the
Martin Luther King Jr National Historic Site

Dear Cameron,

You're 10 years old & for the first time you went to the visitor centre of your newest hero:

MARTIN LUTHER KING JR

You recently caught ahold of him in an instant
and held fast.
You were learning about Georgia.
Preparing your 4th grade State report.
Reading somewhere: "A famous black man from Atlanta"
is all it took for you to make your attachment and to make our visiting this center
your top priority
for our family's summer vacation.

You didn't need to know the details surrounding his life.
You couldn't even pronounce "Nobel Peace Prize" correctly.

But you're taking more details in to mind and heart today
Taking it in as we see his birthplace
and sit listening to a recorded sermon
in the church where he preached.

And you're taking it in today not just through the words
or photos
or displays.
You're taking it in from the ETHOS of being here;
in this PARTICULAR crowd
predominantly of color.

The rest of those who are here, like you to learn and be inspired by this man's life example and tragic assassination which
opened eyes
moved congress
and
changed a segregated nation.

He gave the world another model for non-violent action that could bring about societal change.

I took it all in through my white, middle-class, west coast raised, expatriate, missionary, adult grid for understanding.

I can't get into your mind,
my sweet loveable
brown child,

but i can see a new
understanding in your eyes.

You eagerly take your photograph next to the famous Black Man on the wall.
And I see this new understanding ESPECIALLY as you look around the room.
A room that you find -- for the first time -- is full of people
who nearly all look like you.

yes it's true
from the beginning of your life
you've been rock solidly loved.
you belong in this family.
you're cappucino skin is often kissed
we tease "Mmmm coffee! The colour of my favourite beverage."

But when i put you to bed tonight and snuggle with you like always,
I'm not going to be suprised to hear that the highlight of your full day today is easy to answer:

"Being the same.
For the first time.
Being the same."

Update on Loonni

We all talked by phone with Loonni tonight.
She's the one with the most re-entry adjustment.
NO ONE ENVIES HER!
She's back to manual farming in NE rural Thailand.
It's rice planting season,
and she's trying to clean up her small wooden home on stilts,
to make it liveable again.

After 2 weeks back, her extended family have all come to visit her.
And ask for $ help for different things.
This is a boundary-less society, so she's used up most of the money she'd saved.
She still has some (about $800 USD)
and her son may be willing to get an eye surgery, which will help his esteem.
He hasn't gone back to school.

It's going to take a lot of God's patience and wisdom empowering her
in this tricky navigation:
how to come back on the scene as this teenager's mother.
He's not used to someone else being his boss.
But he's a sweet kid too.
She was always so patient with our boys, but she can really get frustrated and lose it with her son.

Please, pray with us that God will give her amazing patience and wisdom in guiding this boy onto a track that may give him a future out of poverty, and that in her victory of patience and grace, they will all see Jesus in her.

Week ONE:

We're settling in well. boys meeting new friends. loads of options for summer fun.
camping at the beach, Angel baseball game, basketball and light saber dueling with the neighbor boys.
Tyler's started football practice with the Maranatha JV team
(he's got a new swaggar in his step...but it might just be from sore muscles).

the apartment we've moved into is just right for us. we all did housework together this weekend.
they both LOVED the church we WALKED to this morning.

God has been generous to give us quick recovery from jet lag, health, and things falling into place relatively easily.
Two loaner cars made it easy too!
Jim's great at getting things set up: cell Phones, bought a car, internet (got our library and Ralph's grocery cards too!).

Big thing for Jim is to get the application rolling for Fuller Seminary. He was on a roll with that a few months back until he realized that he doesn't have ONE copy of any of his former academic writing. All lost along the way with all the moves. The application requires he submit something. I say, just apply and do everything else. Perhaps they'll give provisional acceptance based on his grades etc. and let him turn in his first paper at Fuller as the final requirement for admission (afterall, he was the student body president of his former seminary, and as you can probably guess, is no slouch with his grades)

for me, I've started calling people I know in the arts here, to connect with them and still figure out where I'm going to fit - what I should DO.

Registered at the local college to take theatre classes, have met some moms from kids' future schools,
was invited to lunch this last weekend with the president of my former university
- they had extra tickets for a Youth Theatre performance - and they thought of us. There seems to be no end of people I can call up or have coffee with to find out what's going on with Christians in the arts...How fun! Mentors for me!

We're just taking it one step at a time and walking through the doors as they open up.
Feel a bit like I'm following God blindfolded.
So far he hasn't let me trip...but
I'd be really happy if I had a real sense of calling here - something to focus on and not just a bunch of good activities.
But for now, I feel "mom's calling" is making sure the kids have a great year. And for that, we're off to a really great start.

First 3 days: hit the ground running...and comparing

We're going to be doing a lot of comparing in the months to come.
here are the first of many comparisons:

more humor
more homeless people,
more obese people
more selection (there are about 15,000 choices of antiperspirant)
more donuts (they had free krispy cremes at church on Sunday - Father's Day)

cheaper
wine
cars
bottled water

bigger
cars
portions
people

It's fun to wander around Target and Walmart and get a "Ralph's Club Card" for special deals on groceries. Just a photo of the PICKLE section of the grocery store.
I'm amazed!

AMERICA: Land of Opportunity
Originally uploaded by K!Mberly

in 3 days we have...
...met the new neighbors
...cruised around to check it out
...walked around to check it out
...unpacked suitcases into the fully stocked, 3 star (but very CLEAN), apartment
...attended a 50th Anniversary party with loads of old friends attending too
...been to the local branch of our bank
...signed up for library cards (this is an old city, so the civic buildings are really cool)
...sent the kids camping with grandparents for the week
...cell phones synched now with USA contacts
...got new cell phone numbers, and a home phone on the way
...not just one, but 2 loaner cars
...dates for cable and internet installation
...rec'd sms from Loonni: all her family have come to visit her and ask for $
...been to a church where an artist painted on a canvas during the worship service.
...gratefully had good nights' sleep - and quickly getting over jet lag. OK, the first morning was a 4 am wake-up, but hey! I'm almost caught up on reading last months emails now!
...seen all the neighbor kids in the courtyard playing with lightsabers and bikes and basketball hoops. The manager calls it 'the wild animal park' (this is gonna be heaven for Cameron!)

Also
...Got some great info on the nearest public school for Cameron:
One of the neighbors here in this missionary housing raved about the principal, a former missionary to india who has hired excellent teachers, many of whom are also believers.

Gratitude & Thankfulness

Such mixed feelings and a head full of random thoughts
I’m sitting in coach.
The cattle call of United flight 890
10 long hours from Tokyo to LA.
My back hurts.
My legs are falling asleep.
I’m melting down.
I can’t think straight.
I can’t make a list or even move.
I’m
Stuck like a sardine
With Tyler’s head in my lap.
Sweet teenager is still my baby.
I stroke his head
While wishing I could do something about all that is bouncing around my brain.
There’s nothing to do but sit here and pray.
Ask the Lord for sanity.
Ask the Lord for an organized mind.
Ask the Lord to give me grace
And peace
And rest.

Why are my natural responses to my circumstances
annoyance rather than thankfulness?
Afterall
This could be a box car taking me to Auchwitz.
Or I could be making this trip with a termial disease.
Or to attend the funeral of a loved one.
Why am I
Aggravated by being woken up for the airplane meal instead of thankful for food?


Now we’re home with parents who love us.
Thankful for their care, eating our first meal together in a nauseated daze,
trying to take in
that in their excitement to have us here for a year,
they’ve already scouted out the neighborhood
and want to point out to us what they’ve found in Pasadena.

Finding that they’ve stocked the apartment with a new coffee maker
and some groceries, and
that they hung a few family photos on the walls.
So sweet.

But I know that soon I will wrestle with my appreciation for the
Providence Missionary Homes.
Adjusting to 4 times less living space
minus personal space
Decorated with care and obvious special touches
That reflect someone elses’ tastes.

I’ll be asking for gratitude for a brown slipcover over the couch,
the thrift store furniture, 1970’s marble wall-to-wall shag carpet,
And dull kitchen knives.

Instead of being unspeakably happy that there are two bathrooms, not one,
I’ll be wondering how both big Jim and I will brush our teeth
without giving one another a black eye.

This is the new phase of life to the theme song, “Jesus Take the Wheel”
This is the new test of my willingness to choose gratitude and “take thoughts captive.”
This is new opportunity to submit to the Lord and let him rule and reign over my thoughts and actions,
See the miracle that his indwelling Spirit can turn my mourning into dancing,
and wait on him to give me a heart that in everything gives thanks.

Last days of Labour - thoughts on the airplane

Labour. Some births are short and relatively easy, some are long and complicated.
At the beginning it’s motivating to push on through
Cause you know in the end there’s almost always the reward.

hatched.
Originally uploaded by Ella Minnow Peas

My labour with Tyler was 21 hours.
I always think of that on this flight which is the same.
At the end of this 21 hours of air travel, we’ll be seeing family again.
That's a SHORT labour.

We've just been through a longer labour.
We sometimes thought it would never end.

Weeks of sorting 10 years in Asia:
what to take,
what to store,
what to loan,
what to give,
what to throw
We’ve finally left an empty apartment behind.
One last look at the night time skyline of Singapore from the 23rd floor.
And all the keys are left behind
Hidden in a green Ikea cup, on the second shelf of a shoe rack.
The new owner, currently living 3 floors down, wasn’t home.

Small and large heartaches, losses, and joys have packed this last month so full that I often felt like the faucet of life was on full strength and the container of my heart was overflowing the brim by the gallons.
How earnest we were to make sure we all finished well these first 10 years of life in Asia. I'm really praying the 'baby' at the end of this labour is worth all the gray hairs I've sprouted this past month.

Leaving gives excuse for otherwise unsaid words of memories or affirmation.

• Mulitple sleepovers for the children.
• A photo catalog online for our friends to peruse and claim at an Open House. Buy or borrow it. (Somehow farming out my possessions gives my heart more connection to our hard earned network of relationships than if everything went to storage)
• A sweet dinner gathering of artists who follow Jesus.
• A BBQ with Jim’s CRMS colleagues.
• A phone and inbox full of sweet goodbye messages.
• Watching “24” in our hotel room with a friend (on the computer because the tv screen in the ‘family suite’ was ‘so tiny’)
• friends who treated the boys to see Fantatstic Four on opening day, our final day.
• A glorious massage with a new sweet friend in an exquisite spa.
• A final meal hawker dinner of Singaporean foods with two dear young couples who’ve become like family as we have shared in their weddings and heartaches, productions, holidays and travel.


These are the memories I want to cherish.

In time we’ll forget the people who signed up to borrow or buy things who didn’t in the end.
Like the night before the movers came, the last person came at 11:30pm only to decide to not take items she’d claimed,
and to bargain with us over a desk.
Would we take $12 instead of $20?
(Jim said of all the events this past month, this was the most personally challenging.)

In time I’ll not recall that I realized Cameron has missed 5 childhood vaccinations and we’d better do it here, where it’s cheap and I know were to go. In the midst of moving this meant multiple trips to the doctor or polyclinic to challenge his immujne system with “jabs” of measles mumps rhubella polio diptheria typhoid and tuberculosis (And dear Lord help me forget that his sniffling and sneezing wasn’t dust allergies from packing, as I told the doctor, but he indeed did have a head cold, which meant a high fever as he battled his flu with the rest of the diseases we’d injected him with).


In time we’ll not feel the shock and pain of losing our sweet little dog Rascal
who died unexpectedly, 6 days before we left, while getting his teeth cleaned.
A simple procedure under anethesia to prepare him for his year’s stint with the Foo Family.

In time we’ll forget the heart searing panic our helper Loonni had in hearing that her son wasn’t attending school in Thailand. And that he was intending to become a buddhist monk before her return in only 3 weeks. Her initial days of despondency and her urgent need to get on the next plane out of Singapore. In time, perhaps we'll all only remember that God gave wisdom, good advisors, and peace for her to stay until the date of her purchased air ticket, and that she had good closure to her life in Singapore. Perhaps in time, we’ll hear that this boy, and the rest of her extended family, have entrusted their lives the the Saviour that she found while working for us.


In time, I’ll forget that the plans to have our last day together sending to Loonni at the airport then enjoying together the things we love was spoiled by my accepting a lunch ‘treat’ from a friend who didn’t know how to meet me at one of the most well known and central locations in the city. Instead she said, “I’ll call you at 11:05 and pick you up wherever you are.” (how about that popular place I just suggested?) These circumstances then filled my last day with 2 hours waiting and crossing town by train to meet her, only to hear her say when she finally found me: “If I didn’t love you so much. I’d have turned around and gone home.” I took her arm and said, “We both have had a frustrating morning. Let’s go have some lunch and redeem it.”

In time we’ll forget the panic of realizing that some things we needed to take with us were packed by the movers and put in storage (receipts, documents, the pile of info regarding life in CA). ARGH!!! But there was in the very end, the relief that the important 'starhub' cable equipment we needed to return, was at our friends the Webb's house and not in a storage box afterall.

We'll forget the bad and cherish the good memories. Just like it was in having a baby.

A Devotional for our Departure:

God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and …sacrifice him as a burnt offering….". Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!...Do not lay a hand on the boy," Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. Genesis 22:1-18 (NIV)

This passage currently hangs on our refrigerator to encourage our domestic helper who, like so many others, works abroad to support her family. Recently she learned that her 14 year old only son had dropped out of school, and in his sense of a hopeless future, told her he intends to become a Buddhist monk. We’re only one week away from leaving Singapore for a year in US, and she’s headed back to Thailand to help him in his schooling, if only he’ll wait to make this drastic decision.

Today, amidst the packing and preparing, we took our sweet little dog to the vet for a simple dental procedure to make sure he was healthy for the family who will care for him while we’re away. My son signed the waiver for anesthesia without a worry and we looked forward to picking up our groggy pet later in the day. Little did we know that this puppy who brought so much joy to our family since our lonely years in Singapore, would stop breathing during the procedure and never wake up. Crying with the children tonight I wonder how many families around the world are grappling with deeper grief? How many have heard a doctor say, “I’m so sorry, we did everything we could to revive him.” How many have held a lifeless body and prayed that the God who raised Jesus from the dead, would do this small thing and bring a loved one back to life again?

In times of unexpected loss or hardship we often ask: How can a loving God let bad things happen?

But in the middle of the night he reminds me that for Jesus, there was no surprise of an ease into sleep while under anethesia. For Jesus, there was no possiblity of another way out of poverty through education. For Jesus, there was no Angel of the Lord to stay the execution and provide an alternative innocent lamb as a substitute sacrifice.

He was the lamb.

Out of his unimaginable goodness, courage, and great love for us, the God of Abraham knew the outcome of his incarnation and he still took each step toward his shameful and agonizing, torturous death. He did that to redeem us and give a hope of an “all things new” future where there is no poverty, sickness, death or deep unexpected sadness.

How could God be good and allow suffering? Indeed. It is the wrong question.


In what ways have you wrestled with God’s goodness in the face of loss or disappointment?

Do you have any hidden bitterness toward the Lord over unresolved grief?

Take a moment to thank our Lord for knowingly and willingly taking on his suffering to redeem you from yours.


PHOTO: Sacrifice of Isaac, Rembrandt at the Hermitage Museum

LIfe on the Brink of an International Move

It's really hard to imagine that no matter what chaotic craziness is going on right now, we will be on a plane a week from Friday morning. My theme song this year is Carrie Underwood's: JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL. It is being realized everyday.

In confirming with the movers, they asked me the other morning,

"And, do you know yet WHERE will we take these boxes for storage?"

I said, "I don't know yet."

"Wow." he said, "That's less than 2 weeks from now."

I told him that the Lord had it under control (but my faith was starting to waver from the tone of his voice).

Storage here is tricky: it's humid, so mold is a problem on anything natural material.
And space is a premium*, so it's costly...and often full.

(*Singapore has 6 times more people per sq mile than Los Angeles County - the most populous county in USA!)

I prayed as I hung up the phone, "Am I being irresponsible to trust you in this area? We've felt like you are asking us to do this move and will provide, so help me not to worry. Guide us and open doors for us in your timing."

He did. He has taken the wheel. At noon Jim got a call from someone here who wants to bless us by offering free storage space. That's a big answer that is easily fixed by a friend with a warehouse.


In all of this we're trying to have good goodbyes, because even though we plan to come back, one never knows who will still be here. For the children, some of their friends at the international school may have moved on by the time we get back, so they had one last big sleepover as a goodbye.

Cameron's was last weekend with 10 boys. Tyler's was Thursday. One last time for them to play the 21st century version of the boys game - Cops and Robbers: "Counter Terrorism." This 2 story apartment with a circular staircase is an awesome venue for nerf guns and setting up a security camera to spy on the other team. School was out for summer last Wednesday, so you can imagine what the week is like. Oh, yes. And in the midst of all this I've learned that Cameron doesn't have all his vaccinations! (Oops) We also went for a special Tuberculosis skin tests required for California schools. Just a few more details to navigate in the next 10 days. And glad to do it hear for a few dollars rather than navigate it in USA! Yeah for Singapore health care! Jesus take the wheel!

We had the first of 4 open houses Saturday. Farming out some items to friends, and doing the old "garage sale" thing too. We really don't like doing the selling part, but it is a good way to get to see more people before we leave. Gotta keep that in perspective when people start 'nickel and diming' me over something I'm a little reluctant to part with in the first place.

But plans for life in USA are taking shape. Tyler is signed up for an FCA football camp at UCSB the first week of July! He's excited (And so are we: football...or any sports is what this kid needs to humble and build character!). The golden boy was just was notified that he has "highest honors at entrance" for 9th grade at Maranatha High School in Pasadena. He's handling the transition well. Sweet 10 year old Cameron however is crying everyday about leaving his friends and parting with beloved toys and the unknown future for him in California. We're still praying for direction about school for him and his summer activities. These are small issues (even if it seems big to Cameron and I must not minimize it for him).

Right now there are other issues not as easily solved. Our helper Loonni has also been crying everyday. She recv'd news 2 weeks ago, the day after our return from China, the day we were kicking it into 'high gear' for the move, that her 13 year old son (in Thailand) had not attended the first 3 weeks of the school year there. He failed his exams last year and is being asked to repeat a grade. As is typical in her culture, she's been working abroad for 5 years to send money back to support the family. There is no dad in this boys life. She was panicked because of the hardened tone in her son's voice. He'd told her he was going to join a buddhist monastery. He's given up. He feels his only hope is to be a monk. And he wasn't going to wait for her to return in 2 weeks. He was going to do it over the weekend. Our cheerful Loonni was despondent over this...as any mother would be!


Our packing, sorting, tying up ministry stuff and goodbyes etc came to a halt as we helped her navigate this with loads of talking and praying, international directory assistance, long distance phone calls to the school and her family (only one person in her village has a phone!). In the end he's agreed to not commit himself to the monastery and will go back to school when she comes back (her non-refundable air ticket is for June 14th).

In all of this, Loonni is starting to realize that she will probably have to stay in Thailand for good. This means that she'll not return to work with us in a year (which she does like millions of others do to support the family financially). This realization feels to her like a death sentence of poverty, loneliness, and backbreaking work (if you recall, we've been to her village, so we know a little of what she's in for). Not to mention that she's the only Christian for miles (in a region of people living in fear of evil spirits and following Buddhism). This past weekend, with loads of people praying for her here, she got advice at her Thai church to not return immediately but to stay with us until the scheduled flight. We're having her call home everyday. It's an emotional rollercoaster for her. This is the sobering backdrop to any of my stresses or sadness about leaving, or uncertainty about this next year for me.

That contrast for me is not the only thing that gives me perspective. We have long time missionary friends with boys Tyler and Cameron's ages, the Saucys who packed up and left Ukraine 3 months ago. In less than a month start to finish they were all back in California because they'd discovered that cancer has returned for Bonnie. We've been planning our move for more than a year. This wonderful family is now back in USA trusting God for bigger things than where to store their stuff and which school the children will attend. It is amazing to read their emails filled with courage and confidence that "God is able to supply all their needs according to his riches in Christ Jesus."

This has been a year of prayer for me. I feel like I'm only just beginning to grasp some of the power we have through faith to "move mountains." I'm learning a reality of our strength in Jesus over the Enemy when he schemes to find where we're weak and is bringing on the full assault in that area. For me one of those areas is self-reliance. I'm seeing how in ceasing to strive (if I start to feel overwhelmed, I used to work harder, now I just stop and lay on my bed and cry out to God). He has been showing me that he will supply greater capacity whether we're needing to cut back or ramp up. He has taken the wheel when life needs to be simplified (like last year with the neck injury), or juggled because of an overflowing season of life in transition. He is filling me with compassion and resources to live beyond myself as I abide in him.

How do people live without Jesus?

Ten 10 year old boys

Cameron had a sleepover with his classmates last Friday. A chance to have one last Hurrah with pals he's already in tears over missing when we go back to USA for a year. Observing them all I always find it so interesting to see their different personalities. I've decided to give them new names.

GUEST LIST of 10 year old boys (new names)

Has anyone seem my...
Mr "I always have a better idea"
Don't you have more sodas? I don't drink water
If I talk louder everyone will listen to me
Let's just get along
At my house we can.
(the quiet boy)
(the yeller)
(the follower)
and the one i like the most: Mr. "thank you mrs. creasman"

Moving Sale/Open Houses

My Labour Day was spent with Jim sorting stuff. Click on the badge at right, to checkout my flickr site with 2 new sets: TO SELL, and WHO WANTS TO BORROW? (see, we are planning to come back!). You can claim the item by posting a comment on the photo with your name.

Then come pick up whatever you've claimed on flickr at one of our open houses in June!

Sat. June 2 1:30-6 (whoever's here, let's order pizza!)
Sat. June 9 10:30-4 (then we go to Wild Wild Wet or Jurong Water Park to cool off!)
Sun June 10 2-6PM

Monday June 11 can also come after 6PM (for pick ups). Tuesday the 12th we'll check in a hotel for our last 3 days.

Update on Concert Friday

alabaster jar 2 at the Arts House friday night was an amazing night. very relaxed. PACKED house (seats all full and 40 people sat in the aisles and on the floor!). good music. the presence of God was palpable. it was everything and more that we hoped it would be (except for hearing that the box office turned some people away).

For the record, I've posted what I said to intro the songs. It's my Playden Playlist.


I'll post more pictures laster, but we had a dry run on some of the songs the week before. Here we are April 20th at Esplanade Library, The Arts Cafe.

FYI: Wanting to be on the up and up for this gig, we got a PERMIT from COMPASS to sing these copywrited songs. Permit no: 0704552. Did you know that technically evertime a song is played or sung publically it needs to have a permit to do it? Drag. The minimum fee for a ticketed event – no matter how small is $150! (for us that is about 10% of gross ticket sales!) Differing venues have different rates. This year there are only 2 venues in Singapore with annual permits that cover any performance going on there (Victoria Concert Hall and DBS Auditorium). Yikes. Did you know that the fines can be up to $10,000 per song? Ouch.Check out the link to read more of the bad news for amateurs who want to be honest.

Jim's 50th

I raided my husbands computer and sent out an email to some of those he had mailing lists for. We've been traveling and our schedules oh so full so there won't be a party until we combine it with a goodbye party next month when we're preparing to leave Singapore for a year. The greetings continue to trickle in, but I printed out 28 pages for his birthday! He's well loved. I'm a fortuante gal.

What a wonderful exercize to find out some things that might only otherwise come out at a MEMORIAL SERVICE. I'd recommend it to anyone who's trying to make someone feel special on a big birthday. Solicit comments from friends for the birthday of someone you love. Then collate the responses and show them to the kids!

It adds a whole new dimension of your respect and admiration for them!

Mostly Normal, well at lease not psycho Parents

here's a NEW tactic i tried today:
i forced someone to memorize a verse while I was with her today.
she said she couldn't memorize. i showed her how. I picked one that she needed to make a part of her spiritual armour to beat off all the firey darts of negative self-talk and constant criticisms of her mother. (Zephaniah 3:17)
it was pretty sweet for her. a few tears. she got it down and was able to repeat it to others as they joined us for lunch and when we were saying goodbye again too.
Seems like i'm crying a lot with people these days. The tough old nut has cracked.

everyday I spend time with people getting to know them and praying with them i am SOOOOO thankful for loving, encouraging, supportive parents who are not psycho.
seems like everyone is screwed up from their folks.
thank you mom and dad for being (mostly) normal.

(photo is from your visit to singapore 12. 2000)

Remembering Shirley Klein

Shirley Klein moved to heaven this past month.
I'm going to miss her.
This is my favourite photo taken with her and
some Yaminahua children in Ecuador, 1988.

1988 Equador
Originally uploaded by K!Mberly.

Thanks Stephanie for My Birthday Flowers!

Thanks Stephanie for my Birthday Flowers!
Originally uploaded by K!Mberly.

blooming at 45...

WARNING, Jenny Joseph

Have you ever read this famous poem? I came across it today in my files...

With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.


NOTE from me: I have started a few years back. It's rather freeing to be a little nuts and not care what others think about you. I think purple is one of God's favourite colours.

A Miracle

First Family Photo
Originally uploaded by K!Mberly.

It's such a joy to raise a child. I filled out the application for him to attend Maranatha High Schoolnext year. Here's what I wrote about him:

Tyler is most excited about the possiblity of playing football next year. Currently he is playing U16 basketball. He has an incredible memory which he has put to use in both classical guitar, theatre and language. (eg. search YouTube under “Singlish Security Lecture”). He is fluent in Chinese and excels in Art. He has an authentic relationship with the Lord. When choosing research topics, he always writes about the US Military and it’s history. He was a Class Monitor and Prefect in Elementary School (faculty appointed school leadership positions) and is on the Honor Roll at ICS. Tyler is an INTJ on the Meyers-Briggs and a high D on the DISC. He doesn’t understand what peer pressure is! Until 2005 he was the only caucasion in his schools of 1000 and he has seen being an outsider as an asset rather than liability. I expect that as a TCK, his year at Maranatha will be where he has to grapple with the feelings of being an outsider more than ever. In his last 1 ½ years at ICS, he has really grown in his character formation and maturity. He is adding kindness and sensitivity to his strong confidence and independence.

Time for Reflection

This year I learned to..
In walking with God, I grew most in…
Another way I saw myself growing was…
One of my best adventures was…
I saw/knew God was doing something when…
A real gift from God was…
Something I really enjoyed doing more of was…
One of the happiest memories I’d like to freeze in my mind…
I was really brave when…
Something God took from me this year was…
I’m still trying to learn what God wants to teach me through this hard experience…
The best word of advice or encouragement I can remember is…
Something I’m looking forward to in this new year…

Welcoming the New Year

What do we do on New Years?

We watched an old movie that covers the year in a life of a family living in St. Louis USA in 1905: MEET ME IN ST LOUIS. We stopped it at midnight to join Singapore in shouting and sparklers and watching the fireworks from the river. We have a great view from the balcony of the apartment where we live now (23rd floor, near Mt. Faber, with a view toward town)

For the holiday, we're all reading the same 2 chapters of Proverbs a day.

We agreed to do it first thing before we got on to other things we're itching to do.

Things like playing on an Xbox360. The boys received one as a gift from grandma and our houseguests, Sally & Franklin, a young Singaporean couple who live in Shanghai. They come stay with us when they're back in Singapore.

I crack open a new journal and get writing what I'm thankful for or what I've learned in the past year. I get really reflective this time of year. I've sent a few sms' to my dear friend Liu Yi Yan in Kunming, China...and I'm missing good friends and family in USA. Do you know this is our 10th year living in Asia? That's why we're going to spend a year in USA starting June. The boys don't know what it is like to be American.

2006 was a slower year for me because of some back/neck problems. I had more time and opportunity to really feel DEPENDENT upon God, rather than just believing in and worshipping him by the way I live. In the way he cared for me in my mind and heart this year -- my soul -- I feel truly loved by him now; not just because "he died on the cross for me." I read a GREAT book this past year. Helps put modern understanding to our Ancient Faith. I've been recommending it to everyone: VELVET ELVIS, Repainting the Christian Faith, by Rob Bell. There's a link in the sidebar to Amazon. Order it! He has also done these short videos called NOOMA (you can watch some of them online). I've only seen a couple, but really liked LUMP and FLAME...

It's going to be a good year.

Christmas Week Collage...

"Playhouse Nativity" The Shepherds @ Grace Assembly in Singapore

"Playhouse Nativity" The Shepherds
Originally uploaded by K!Mberly.

Sunday the 24th. When I brought in 6 bags with 14 costumes for a spontaneous Pageant complete with Christmas Carols and Kings, these kids told me they'd never played 'dress up.' Well we had a good time and the kids were thrilled with their re-enactment of the story!

A Full Christmas Week of Friends

This is my 12th day pain free! The pain caused by my neck injury stopped the day after sending our last email (with a mention of it for prayer!) 2 nights ago I spent some time in prayer when I couldn't sleep - I woke up and the blues were gone and I had tons of energy.

This is an amazing end of the year compared to our lonely holiday years here. Our 6th holiday season here and usually we've practically nothing to do. It's always the time we miss California the most. December in the States was always full of parties and concerts, outreach and baking, family and friends. A few weeks ago, when one new friend Kay, invited us for a small gathering at their house on Christmas Eve. They are new here -and we talked a few weeks ago about how hard it is to settle here compared to the other "harder" fields they've lived.

How well we can relate! Jim was inspired, "How bout US throwing some parties this year?" So, thanks to evite, we are having a party for about 30 tonight - CRM Singapore colleagues and their families. Some are potential staff! We've been praying that there might be some Singaporeans who'd want to join Jim in ministry by next June - and there are already 3 guys who are ready to start the process of joining CRM and doing mentoring part or full time in January!

Friday evening is going to be a party for artists. I'm touched that they felt comfortable enough asking if they can host a party in our house. These younger single women are even coming here all day to cook a dinner for about 15. We expect more to come by after dinner for the fellowship and sharing. During the day a new friend Stephanie (a music teacher and her kids) are coming by to visit. Sweet. She had us over last weekend for dinner to get to know her family. I've loved the younger friends God has given me here, but there is something mutually beneficial for me to have some peers to learn from about walking through life. I was telling Su Ping (one of the 5 stars) about these new friends and she said, "It's about time."

Saturday Sally & Franklin, a Singaporean couple living in Shanghai, arrive and have asked to stay with us over their family for the holiday, and in the evening a pack of missionary families are coming over for a party.
For lunch another young Singaporean couple who are living in Beijing are coming for lunch. They are SO SWEET.

Sunday I get to do a special Christmas story-telling and teach Christmas Carols with about 35 kindergarteners - including dress up Bible costumes for them. I have felt awkward with the other teachers for the past 2 years of my helping once a month, but this time around, I feel accepted, and part of the team.

If this isn't enough of a shower of friendship blessings, the senior pastor's wife called this week to ask us to be their guests Christmas Night at a dinner put on by some church members. I'm amazed. How did they choose us? We'll come back from dinner with the kids and watch IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE...'cause it is when you have friends.

Sunday Night's

Eating Out One Sunday Evening
Originally uploaded by K!Mberly.

The second half of this year we have a new family activity: our Sunday afternoon or evening meal finds us exploring the many "hawker centres" around the island. I'm sure between us all, over the years, we've dined at more than 100! Singaporeans love food - and there must be thousands of these tiled over fast food centers with stainless steel stalls selling local dishes on melmac plates. It's been kind of our "Creasman Sunday adventure" but it's actually more because we're broke and these local places are a great bargain! It is kind of fun. And I'm sure we're making memories. No one has gotten food poisoning or hepatitis. But I'm getting a little weary of having stray cats watch me while I eat.