My Date with Cameron

Clear View from the Cable Cars
Originally uploaded by K!Mberly.

It's family blogging night. So I'm doing a bit of blogging too. For awhile now, on Sunday's we've really enjoyed observing a Sabbath. Reading and reflecting. Realizing that even if work isn't done, the earth will keep spinning and we're not as important as we'd like to be. Usually before a dinner of whatever is leftover in the fridge, we have the kids blog about their week. Then we turn the air conditioner in my room and we read to one another. Jim is gone tonight so we won't get the favourite part of this tradition. He reads to us from James Herriott's DOG STORIES.

Jim is gone this week to Chiang Mai, Thailand to help our colleagues Keith & Lori Webb in a week long Coaching Training. It's a first time through this and Keith has been working really hard at putting coaching (his passion) into a format for training ministry people. He's pretty happy that's it's finally happening.

I'm holding down the fort here in Singapore. The Webb children live downstairs, but they've got a very capable helper, so for me it just means a few extra trips driving to school (no carpool partner!) and helping out in case of an emergency.

These days I have a full time referee job between my two boys. I told them, upon their first altercation (over a nerf gun war) that I'd decided that we are going to practice pacifism for awhile this week. No toy guns, no gaming that includes weapons, no warfare of anykind. I'm so cruel (but I'll be they start getting along better!)

Playtime @ the Creasmans

LOTR Battles in Singapore
Originally uploaded by K!Mberly.

Includes costumes, weapons, and cameras. Tyler had been planning a Lord of the Rings adventure. They did mock battles and played capture the flag in character. Hilarious fun.

What's the POINT?

Driving down the road last Tuesday praying for the 4 year old son of a new friend here who'd had open heart surgery that morning. I had peace. Assurance. The kid was going to make it. I told my firend Lori,

"If that kid dies, then my faith in being able to trust that I can "hear from God" dies with him."

The little boy was in Sunday School 5 days later! 5 days later!!!

But here I am middle of the next week.
I'm off to teach the kids drama club in an hour. Trying to pull myself together.
I started crying last night while i was praying with Cameron for another little child at bedtime. I haven't been able to stop crying for very long. Unless I'm taking a nap. All day today.
I'm a wreck.
It's not even the right time of the month to be this hopeless.
And I've been taking Evening Primrose twice a day.

My newlywed friends' premature baby died this morning.
Born at 5 months. She survived about a week. Born this early she had only a 50% chance of surviving, and then for what kind of a life? A life of special needs,
I kept begging God to be merciful. Trusting he knows best, but whatever he was going to do, if that tiny little girl was going to die, would he just be merciful and end her suffering? He did.

We're still hurting. And will be for quite awhile.
Jim and I will be the only non-family at the cremation in 4 hours.
We were also the only non-family to witness the couple's sacred marriage vows only 5 weeks ago.

I'm reading a great book called VELVET ELVIS by a young pastor named Rob Bell.
Where I am in the middle of this book is good for me today.
Chapter six "NEW" is Helping answer my questions of

"WHAT'S THE POINT? If heaven is where he makes all things new and we live the way it's supposed to be why don't we all just drink the spiked kool-aid today?"

My mantra of late has been "Hang on till heaven." No one's been able to really give me an answer. Oh, that's just Kimberly being dramatic.

Here's a good section from the book about being REMADE:

"I am not who I was.
I am a new creation.
I am "in Christ".
When God looks at me, God sees Christ, because I'm "in" him.
God's view of me is Christ.
And Christ is perfect.
This is why Paul goes on to say, "therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved..."
Did you catch that word in the middle?
Holy.
Not "going to be holy someday". Not "wouldn't it be nice if you were holy, but instead you're a mess". But "holy".
Holy means pure, without blemish, unstained.
In these passages we're being told who we are, now.
The issue then isn't my beating myself up over all the things I am not doing or the things I keep doing poorly; the issue is my learning who this person is who God keeps insisting I already am.
There is this person who we already are in God's eyes. And we are learning to live like it is true.
This is an issue of identity. It is letting what God says about us shape what we believe about ourselves. This is why shame has no place whatsoever in the Christian experience. It is simply against all that Jesus is for. As the writer to the Romans put it, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
None.
No shame.
No list of what is being held against us.
No record of wrongs.
Bringing it up is pointless.
Beating myself up is pointless.
Beating others up about who and what they are not is going the wrong direction. It is working against the purposes of God. God is not interested in shaming people; God wants people to see who they really are.
--------

okay i got carried away on that point. It's good!
But the best POINTS to speak to my WHAT's THE POINT question is the next section:

--------
We can bring heaven to earth; we can bring hell to earth.
For Jesus, heaven and hell were present realities. Ways of living we can enter into here and now. He talked very little of the life beyond this one because he understood that the life beyond this one is a continuation of the kinds of choices we make here and now.
For Jesus, the question wasn't, how do I get into heaven" but how do I bring heaven here?
The question wasn't, how do I get in there? But how do I get there, here?
Whedn people use the word hell, what do they mean? they mean a place, an event, a situation absent of how God desires things to be. Famine, debt, oppression, loneliness, despair, death, slaughter --they are all hell on earth.

Jesus' desire for his followers is that they live in such a way that they bring heaven to earth.

True spirituality then is not about escaping this world to some other place where we will be forever. A Christian is not someone who expects to spend forever in heaven there. A Christian is someone who anticipates spending forever here, in a new heaven that comes to earth.

The goal isn't escaping this world but making this word the kind of place God can come to. And God is remaking us into the kind of people who can do this kind of work.

---------------------------
ah. gotta go see if I can bring a little heaven on earth to a bunch of cute healthy drama kids who did a great job last friday at International Night.

Someone in Need Needs...

Here's a good list from some CRM staff in South Africa who had a crisis recently. Here's their list of what they learned by being on the receiving end of people's care when they were needy.

1. Small acts of kindness make a big difference – A hug, a cup of tea, an offer to help, a listening ear, a phone call, a meal provided, a few simple words of care and concern or a shoulder to cry on, can speak volumes to those who are hurting.

2. Power in your presence – Whether it’s coming over just to be with us, or stopping by to see how things are going, there is tremendous power in the presence of those who truly care. 

3. Words of understanding – It’s amazing what a little understanding will do for the human heart. We received much comfort from the three simple words “I’m so sorry.” Identification with the pain of others is like a healing balm for the heart. 

Sarah & Roy's Medieval Wedding

Sarah & Roy's Medieval Wedding
Originally uploaded by K!Mberly.

WHAT WE DO AND WHY Letter to a Kindergarten Sunday School Class

There are lots of Christians in America and lots of very good leaders. We liked living in America, but other countries in the world don't have as many Christians. About the time your mom and dad were little kids, God did something amazing here. Thousands and Thousands of people became Christians in Singapore. Their mommies and daddies were not Christians. They were Buddhist mostly. Now there are so many Christians but they don't have many older Christians to help them. We went to Singapore to be helpers of the younger Christians and their churches. If we help them do a better job leading and telling about Jesus, God’s son (and his love for us), more people will find out the Truth, and want to live following God!


Singapore is one of the smallest countries on the other side of the world and is only 42 years old. People say America is a young country and it is over 200 years old! So Singapore is like a kindergarten country compared to many other older countries around the world.


The new Christians in Singapore and their pastors are excited and want to please God. They all want to share with the world about Jesus. But like younger kids, they need someone to help them learn. Singaporeans work very, very hard and the leaders like to be bossy and tell everyone what to do. Pastor Creasman helps them learn how to stay close to Jesus, be an encouraging leader, listen to God, and not work so hard so they can have time for their families.


Pastor Creasman's job is to be a teacher and encouraging friend to pastors and missionaries. He's like a "pastor to pastors." Most of his friends are Singaporean and their jobs are working in churches or starting churches, but some of them are from other countries and are running big companies.


Singaporeans are mostly Chinese and speak Chinese. There are more Chinese Christians here than in any other country outside China! Now, China is the largest country in the world. We believe that someday soon China will be like Singapore: God has been at work in that country and a lot of the people there are becoming Christians. Mr. Creasman prays that God blesses the work he's doing now with leaders in Singapore; then the Chinese speaking Singaporean Christians will be big helpers in China!


Mrs. Creasman also loves serving God as her job in Singapore. She is a lot like your mom. She drives her kids to school. Tyier is 13 and Cameron is 9. She helps the kids with homework & chores. She also does work besides her mom job too. She teaches drama at the boys’ school. She also teaches drama to grown up Christians in a Bible School. God helps Mrs. Creasman make friends with lots of actors. She helps them learn that Jesus can be their Saviour and friend, or that they can grow closer to the Creator and know God more. Some of these actors she meets with every week to pray or learn together. Some of these friends she will come along side when they are having problems and are feeling sad.


The Creasmans have a lot of guests in their home! A lot of praying, and encouraging, and studying, and laughing goes on in their home with all kinds of VERY different and interesting people! They wish you could come to Singapore and be a guest too!

Gotta Laugh at Ourselves Here

Have you heard of the mrbrown show ?

Mr Brown is the latest National Hero for Singaporeans. TRULY! He blogs and podcasts on Singaporean quirkiness/culture. i'm like an evangelist for Mr Brown! Tyler is really into repeating Mr Brown sketches for his friends (and teachers). I've told him
that we should work up a comedy act for Int'l Night...Ha. Come in as a police officer from the precinct where the new school is... giving us all a "welcome to the community," but with gentle reminders of how to behave at the bus stop, hawker centre, Ginza Plaza so that we don't upset the locals in our new neighborhood.

Back and Settled

Back for nearly 3 weeks now. Time enough to get the kids happily settled back in school, get out from under the pile of mail and bills and dust that settled while away. Time to start getting back to the gym to work off those USA calories. Ah. I like having some rhythym to life. Some predictability amidst the chaos. I've already received a parking ticket. I've already made a new dent in the car. I've already taken wrong turns and gotten lost. I've already missed an appointment 'cause I had it down on the wrong date. I've already had 2 people cancel appointments because they didn't realize they were double booked. That's the kind of predictability, the kind of rhythym of chaos I'm talking about. School is Monday to Friday, but what days the extracurricular activites are, and that if I volunteer for something, it will take more than twice the amount of time proposed. That kind of predictability and chaos.

Also time enough to get rolling on work. Ah. I like working. I especially love productivity. Teaching both kids and adults this term. One in a Christian school, one in a seminary. The seminary class starts tomorrow night. I love preparing for it and teaching. Today I met with women who want to do a recital together in October. What an honor to be asked. We have a venue, but the date isn't the best for me. We'll see.

The best part about coming back is that there are friends here to come back to. Sweet friends I've missed while away. A lot happens in 8 weeks. It'll take awhile to get caught up.

Home Soon

We go back this Sunday. Yeah. Time has dragged at break neck speed
hopping between family and church worlds feeling loved and lonely at
the same time everywhere. We're eager to be "home" with physical and
spiritual life feeling more centered.

Vacation Photos on Flickr

Pacific Grove, Monterey Peninsula
Originally uploaded by K!Mberly.

Here's one of my favourites. Click on the photo collage to the right to see others.

How can we understand the road we travel? It is the LORD who directs our steps. -Proverbs 20:24

We look at each other from across the table. He has a pained expression across his brow. I am defensive. My mouth is drawn in a firm line, and getting fermer. We haven't said a word, but after all these years of marriage, we know this conversation isn't going to go well. We dread it. Both of us. It's past time for a conversation we need to have. Again.

The conversation?

We've got to knuckle down and seriously plan out our "holiday" in the USA. I mean, afterall, we're already 2 weeks into it and the time left is ticking away. We've arranged a few things. The outline. Neither of us are gifted at administration. We have given up verbally wishing for a "Miranda Girl" (the personal assisstants in The Devil Wears Prada) to come rescue us. We feel hopelessly inept but know we have to start organizing our time.

When we're at home in Singapore, we have our gear for productivity ensconced around us, within arms reach or a click away. We do pretty well at keeping the gears between our personal planners going smoothly. BUT, Back in the USA, we're in a foreign land. Oh, sure, we can email and use the internet if we drive slowly down the street looking for a neighbor without encrypted wireless access. In a week or so we'll figure out where we can order a cup of coffee and do it for free, but for now, we're feeling a little out of synch and unproductive.

Who should we call using this new phone cell chip with a (714) number? Who really would like to see us? Who among our old friends would agree to a lunch as a "courtesy visit?" We feel insecure. If we get together with a financial supporter who 9 years ago was just a friend, what do we talk about? Do they want to know how their "investment" is going, or are they interested in us personally? If I do arrange to meet them, or take up the offer to sing in our home church for the Sunday services, what will we do with the kids? Where did I put those phone numbers? What were the dates for that neighborhood VBS? Did they have a deadline? Did I pay ahead of time for that on their website? While horrible things are going on around the world, or we learn of friends and family here who are suffering tremendous personal loss, I feel guilty for not being stronger in the face of these present inconveniences.

I cry out to the Lord for the world and my friends while Jim and I "suffer" through trying to coordinate our calendars; adding a prayer for us. "Lord, you've made us this way, with certain gifts that don't included organizing time with our supporters. Would you providentially orchestrate our time here? We'll do our best, but we need your help."

And that's what he seems to be doing. Day after disorganized day!


For today, I'd organized a sweet day with Andrea Ketcham and Karen Schmidt visiting Mia Moore. She has a booth for her lovely art at the Laguna Beach Arts Festival and this year I get a chance to see it and meet her colleagues there. On top of that, since I wasn't eager to face the traffic back, I got a ticket for the sold out Pageant of the Masters performance tonight. I'd tried to buy the tickets ahead of time in Singapore, but if I had I would have gone with the family in tow. I wouldn't have had the opportunity to make this such a leisurely afternoon getting to know 3 other women artists connected to CRM. If while still in Singapore I'd have known that I was going down there without the family, and bought just one ticket on-line, I would not have bought it in the cheap seats. God knew i would need to leave at intermission to beat the traffic and because I'd be dog tired. If I'd bought a good ticket months ago, I'd have stuck it out to get my money's worth!

That's just one of today's examples of my living out the Proverb: How can we understand the road we travel. It is the LORD who directs our steps.

I wonder what he has in store for us tomorrow.

(check the flickr link on the side for photos of other ways God's been arranging our plans.)

17 Mile Drive, Monterey Peninsula

17 Mile Drive, Monterey Peninsula
Originally uploaded by K!Mberly.

I've had moments of missing Singapore, but...not many with views and weather like this.

Jerky Perfection

I talked on the phone with a friend who has a number of children last week. She said it's great to raise toddlers when you have teenagers.
one minute you hear that you are a jerk and don't understand anything, and the next some adoring child will tell you that that you are the BEST MOMMY IN THE WHOLE WORLD. She says, "I know I'm not either. But, it is comforting to know I'm somewhere in the middle."

She Just Doesn't Get It

I sit in the immaculate house with white carpeting, and a well kept garden. The gardeners come every Friday. The same day the house cleaner does.

We have another conversation in the livingroom where Jim grew up. FOX News runs in the background and the expensive collectables on all the shelves stare down at me.

I listen to her talk about all her annoying neighbors and the petty business between them all.
“Those people.”
"Yucky _______.”
It's not just the neighbors. The longer our visit stretches, I begin to realize that she has such easy criticism of all the others who get in her way, don't agree with her, or are not the same as us.

And then she talks glowingly about the people of prestige or wealth that she's met or is working with in her volunteer work.

No wonder she asks after dinner tonight,
"So you figure you've another 15 years until you retire? Don't you think you’ll ever move back here for work?”

What I hear between the lines in this and other comments over the past 8 weeks give me the sense that she feels her son’s wasted his career working, even serving, people who don't matter (to her).

I may not be being fair to read so much into it, but I do have a degree of discernment and I get the vibe that he's not living up to her expectations. Actually he's a big disappointment. He's not wealthy or well known. But there still may still be time for him if he gets back to USA; preferrably in Fullerton, CA, and gives himself more of a chance to be recognized for the bright, no, brilliant person that he is. Trouble is, I'm sure if he were the Mayor of Fullerton, or the Pastor of the largest church in town, there would still be other more powerful or influential or visible positions he could have to give her status among the people she believes are important.

It must be so hard for her to have her only son living on the other side of the world doing something that in her heart of hearts she doesn't feel is really worthwhile. She not only is robbed of her family being nearby (which isn't uncommon even if Jim had another career), but she's robbed of the prestige of having her son be "important" in the eyes of others who are "important." I pray that there is still time for her to grow a bigger heart and a bigger view of the world and our purpose in it. I pray for her to begin to grasp God's great love and compassion for ALL peoples, and that God's spirit would infect her heart with that same kind of love.

Father's Day 2005

A deep river called Sorrow
runs through the day's reunion.

The children can play
making their happy waves on the surface
with a bike, a few balls and a stockpile of water balloons.
Carefree, they enjoy a day with new friends.

But
no matter how promising the BBQ,
or plentiful the beer,
the undercurrents of sadness
and our deep sense of loss
pulls strongly at the grown-ups
who try to keep their chins above
the river's flow.

As we struggle for breath
and remind our hearts to take another beat,
cards get signed
and a gift is passed
for the last week expectant
no longer dad-to-be,

today the joy of another's child-on-the-way
is awkward and quenched.
the other 1st time uncle/dad/grandpas-to-be
will have time later to do their hopeful dreaming.

We made it through the day floating together on that river.
We made it mostly because we could find some joy in having so much to
catch up on.

Telling and hearing of missed milestones.
proposals,
weddings,
first houses,
and careers.
What is it like living in the cities that we call "home?"

It's a long wide and deep river.
There are no shortcuts to the journey of grief.
And this Father's Day falls
as early rapids in the river.

Jade Aiden never had to ride this river.
Can a day be called "a journey?"
Yet the baby so quickly here and gone
draws his family together.
There is a new depth of love and appreciation
for each other,
for each day,
and for live
though he so briefly lived.

Dear family,
Another week has gone by still mourning your loss.
And besides our Father's Day gathering,
it's not a journey we get to take with you.
We've made our way up the coast for our family vacation.
My folks are back to Orange County.
You are still on my heart. I think about you often.
The TV shows, the meals get eaten, the world keeps spinning
even when you feel like everything should just stop.

The long wide and deep river keeps rolling.
Please remember to be patient and gentle to yourselves.
There's no instant cure for the pain from your great loss.
Sure, there are loads of little tributaires that lead to dead ends--
diversions or denial keep you out of the white water rapids.
Sometimes you'll feel that you may drown.
Knuckle down and hold on tight.
Others have been down this river before and survived.

Keep holding on tight to one another as you ride through the grief.
Keep a travel log of the journey. Writing is therapeudic.
If you feel like telling me,
Let me know where this river is taking you.

Grace Kindergarten Sunday School

Grace Kindergarten
Originally uploaded by K!Mberly.

Gonna miss these little cherubs when I'm in USA for 8 weeks. I lead worship with them about once a month.

Managing Summer Media with kids

No more homework, baseball practices, or rigid bedtimes. And, if your house is like my house, no more obvious rules about when media can be on and off. This is a dream for my kids. To me, it often feels nightmarish trying to get them to tune out of their media and tune into the real world.Read the rest of the article here: Common Sense Media Blog

Old School Asian Teaching Style

I recently encountered a foreigner (white man) living here and
working in education who assumed there was an Asian teaching style
that included shaming by teachers, rote memorization for students,
devoid of creativity or encouragment. I'm happy to post here that the
stereotype for an Asian style of teaching methods is most definitely
an over-generalization. Though we've still got a load of problems and
pressure to reach academic excellence, teaching and learning in
Singapore is in many ways state-of-the-art. I was very pleased with
the teachers my kids had here for their first 6 years. There were a
few bumps along the way, but they were for the most part creative
educators par excellence. And they loved my kids! Of course there are
some "old school" teachers still around (wielding rulers for whacking
and shaming kids). But hopefully most of them will retire soon :-)

Self Examination Downloads

Thanks to CRM Conference planners - preparing spiritually for a conference has never been so meaningful. Note I didn't say easy. Take a look at these self-examinations based on St. Augustinen's 7 deadly sins and going over those will most definitely NOT be easy! Self Examination Downloads

A watchman Waiting for the Dawn

Psalm 103:5-7
With all my heart, I am waiting, LORD, for you! I trust your promises. I wait for you more eagerly that a soldier on guard duty waits for the dawn. Yes, I wait for you more eagerly that a soldier on guard duty waits for the dawn. [your name here], trust in the LORD! He is always merciful, and he has the power to save you. (CEV)

I AM that watchman. Waiting for dawn. I long for more specific marching orders from the Lord. But I'm just waiting. And as I wait, I am trying to learn to more truly adore God, to let him be enough to satisfy me. In my inactivity my flesh longs to do something influential with my life.

It's not enough that I am sure I'm sure I'm supposed to work in performing arts, cross culturally, and empower others while enjoying the creative process. Crazy. There's far too many options even having it narrowed down that much. I don't want to settle for "good" by marching out in my flesh to get busy. I want to wait. Be sure. Let God bring on the dawn, and make it crystal clear it's of him and not me.

I prayed together last week with one of the other moderators of our arts egroup. Well, we sat in silence most of the time. Thinking about this verse from Psalm 103. What does it mean to be a watchman waiting for dawn? Just waiting on the Lord for the answers to questions and hopes for my life, and praying the same for you, the artists in Singapore who follow Jesus. One member who wrote back today is in this same place of waiting. I imagine that many of you are.

I really got no answers today as I imagined myself in that watchtower. I'm not really one for visions, but it wasn't hard to imagine looking out into the blackness of night over a vast dark plain of desert. I could imagine watching the east for the sun to rise. And as it did, I saw what there was to see for now:

The only thing that was there was the sillouette of the cross on the horizon. And that's enough. It really is. I'll keep waiting with the song that sprang to my heart as soon as I saw it:

Forbid it Lord, that I should boast
Save in the death of Christ my God
All the vain things that charm me most
I sacrifice them to your blood.

Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were an offering far too small
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

my post script to this post can be found at:
http://journeyofdesire.blogspot.com/2006/05/post-script-to-watchman-post.html

Sleepless in Singapore

Coffee at 9pm. what was i thinking? I knew when I was drinking it it would ruin the chances of a good night's sleep.

Been getting to know others through their blogs this week. Will soon be attending the CRM conference in Santa Barbara, so I've been reading up on Consecration and checking out websites and blogs of others in CRM. It's the high tech way of getting to know someone without talking to them. Kind of like sizing a person up when you visit their home by looking at the books they have on their bookshelves. Our president, Sam Metcalf, (http://www.undertheiceberg.com) has a cool site. It was actually DESIGNED by someone (versus me, I just use a google template...and, uh yes...of course...I'm not the president of an organization). All kinds of cool little tricks like links to books... I've always been a sucker for gadgets. And now I'm just the same in my life online. I love learning about little gizmos (as long as I never have to learn how to use/write htm and can just cut and paste!) I've just added a new one tonight - the common sense media link on the side bar here.


Got to do a fun thing on Mother's Day this year: A couple hours in the afternoon shooting a little video for a company called Muvee. Do it yourself EASY home movies to dvd. They've given me a demo of the software but haven't tried it out yet... I was successful in making my own little dvds for my mom and mother in law with my ibook this year. So, that made doing this little acting job extra special. "What a great video!" i said to the camera (not straight on the director directed cause I look too intense), "You know, you could do this yourself too. Check it out. " http://www.muvee.com/

okay. that's enough. i'm going to bed.

Stephen Curtis Chapman Concert

Last night we had a special treat that beats our free tix to the
sold out cello recital a few weeks ago:

Stephen Curtis Chapman was in town, stopping by from Australia and the Philippines on his way to China. This Christian songwriter/musician has won over 40 Dove awards. That's more music awards than any Christian musician in history. Both his lyrics and his music are wonderful. He looks way too hip to be my age.
If you haven't heard of him, get an album. Any album.
(And where have you been for 20 years?) My favourite is Signs of Life...
but this one is newer and also INSPIRED.

The hosting church didn't advertise since the tickets for 2 concerts were snatched up by the congregation. I think the auditorium must hold 1500+. Lori Webb called the church, and kept calling until she got a person, and then she begged for 5 tickets. We got them. 5th row center. Free. We took our 3 boys. Awesome concert. Cameron and Lori's son Benjamin (also 9) were rocking out LOUDLY. I loved hearing his stories behind some of the songs. They've adopted 3 Chinese daughters.

Tyler was his usual stoic. But his excitement seeped thru. I could see him craning his neck to get a better view of how SCC was playing the guitar chords and fingering the songs. Then when Chapman started singing "All About Love" his face lit up and he yelled in my ear: "I was waiting for him to sing this one!!!"

Cameron was so cute, after it was over he asked if he could pray. So he lead us: "Dear God, we had a really good time tonight and I know you're really happy with how loud we were with so many people singing about how much you love us. I hope you had a good time too." What a treat.

When I made a new year's resolution to pray for more faith and more miracles this year, I didn't mean for them to be SELFISH miracles! God is lavishing his love on us in ways that are easy to see and feel.

I imagine I'll have the "post show blues" from soaking up and singing along full voice with such great live music. Oh how I'd like to have more good music in my life. It's something I probably took for granted growing up singing and all those years at RHCC. I don't think about it too much but I'm probably creatively malnourished without an outlet for singing.... I should sing more. I'm going to have to crank it up on the stereo and cut loose. It will probably help chase my blues away.

Kids are having sleepovers with 3 friends each. Cameron tonight, and Tyler Friday night. They love watching movies on our bed. I want a wall in my bedroom office so that I can have a testosterone free zone in the house (just kidding I really love it).

A Whole New EXPAT World

Last year my relationships were almost exclusively with Singaporeans. This year, my calendar is filled with almost exclusively expat engagements.

My social world has nearly completely changed by switching the kids to the International Community School, and having our CRM friends the Webbs move to Singapore. Another 2 variables to the change is that I had to stop going to Tapestry Playback rehearsals or doing any local productions because of needing to get my back healed (trying the chiropractor and it seems to be working), and the 5 star group decided early in the year to discontinue our weekly meetings.

I feel so loved and affirmed and accepted in these new relationships. It is so nice to have someone let me know they've missed me when I wasn't there. Or to receive a thank you note for this or that, or immediate positive feedback when I've done something hard, or sacrificial, or that took my time to prepare. I'm wondering how much of it is imagined just because this new cirlce is culturally similar to me.

By the obvious contrasts these new strokes are, I'm thinking perhaps that the culture I've been trying to make my home and friends in the past 6 years just doesn't like me very much.

Or is that something that the Enemy wants me to believe and isn't true at all.

I did get a call after Easter from Joni, who's moved to Australia.
Su Lynn and I had a sweet lunch together a few weeks ago.
Sally, who's moved to Shang Hai always makes sure we get together when she visits home.
Yaen Cheng has invited us to Chinese New Year celebrations ever since we moved here and is a dear, generous friend even with juggling career and two babies.
Melissa and I had a wonderful lunch conversation 2 weeks ago.
It was ME who didn't make enough effort to see Agnes when she was back on her visit from London (could it be a subconscious rebellion because so many of my best new friends have moved away?)

Yes. I need to ignore that 'self talk' that tells me Singaporeans don't like me.

Perhaps they show their care in ways that I'm not seeing.
Or they are simply very busy.
Or perhaps they don't know how to nurture deep friendships.

It's tempting to give up on taking initiative and pursuit of friendships with Singaporean women. It would be so easy to be swept away into a life that circles around a membership in the American Women's Association. I admit, it is a powerful draw.

But if I give in to that temptation, then the whole point of moving to Singapore is lost. In the same way Jesus didn't move down to earth to serve and teach mankind and then keep hanging out with the angels, we didn't come to serve in Asia just to hang around other American Christians.

Finished it 2 weeks ago.

I was so jazzed about it, I read the extensive AUTHOR'S NOTE aloud to Jim. My son Cameron, who is 9, is reading it now. He's really loving it. The whole time I was reading it I kept thinking, "She's really inside the head of an 8 year old who's trying to figure out his world." Hope I don't mess up his head between fact and fiction on what we know to be true from the Gospels and the rest of the immaculate research she did.

DaVinci code opens here in 3 1/2 weeks, so I'm rejoicing that a BETTER author than Dan Brown looked into the conspiracy theories (and a lot of other theories) and found them severely lacking any evidence. NOW her intellectual brain has submitted to this Lord and hse is writing about it for all of her vampire following (and others to read). Yeah!

I've Joined a Bible Study with Expat Women

(after nearly 9 years, i've rediscovered my 'tribe,' a place where i feel at ease and that i fit in)


Doing a great study this year with some lovely women from St. George's. The author of the study, Beth Moore, was a victim of child abuse and this lesson from week five speaks to this issue. As I worked on the lesson this morning, I thought about many of my friends in theatre. I was asked to lead the last two weeks. What fun. I get to do it again this week and next.

Here's a bit from Day 3 of Week 5

Satan wants to keep people from receiving Christ as Savior. Certainly, childhood victimization is an effective deterrent since many victims feel they "cannot believe in a God who could let such things happen." If only they knew how anxious the Father is to heal and vindicate! The enemy can try to keep them blinded.... Since the enemy cannot keep salvation from anyone who wants to believe, he tries to insure that they will be either too emotionally handicapped to turn into an effecctive witness, or perhaps better yet, to driven by destruction to avoid scandal. The enemy's hope for Christians is that we will either be so ineffective we have no testimony, or we'll ruin the one we have.

And from the end of the lesson, here's a beautiful letter from God (based on what we know about him from the Bible). Put your name in the blanks.

My child, _________________, I loved you before you were born. I knit you in your mother's womb and knew what your first and last words would be. I knew every difficulty you _______________ would face. I suffered each one with you. Even the ones you didn't suffer with me. I had a plan for your life before you were born. The plan has not changed, _______________, no matter what has happened or what you have done. You see, I already knew all things concerning you before I formed you. I would never allow any hurt to come into your life that I could not use for eternity, _______________. Will you let me? Your truth is imcomplete unlesss you view it against the backdrop of my Truth. Your story, _______________, will forever remain incomplete...until you let Me do what only I can do with your hurt. Let Me perfect that which concerns you.

I remain,

Your Faithful Father.

WISH LIST from 2004

Just came across my wish list for a new home. God was so generous to us. I think we have everything on the list...

Open spaces nearby
Big shade trees around
Doesn't feel boxed in
Near an MRT and Library
Near town
NO CONSTRUCTION
Lots of light indoors
air con in all or most rooms
access to cable (for internet and tv)
1600+ sq ft (we have almost 4000!)
3-4 bedrooms
near water, a view of water be nice (how about an ocean view from every room?)

We're all back this morning from meeting and staying with our helper's family 45 min north of Udon Thani in NE Thailand. A great trip. Learned some Thai. New perspectives. Softer hearts. Questions for God about the poor.

Compassionless in Our Impending Visit to Thailand.

We leave Saturday for a visit to rural Thailand. An hour or so bus ride from Udon Thani. Or so we hear.
It's not the typical family vacation spot. But this is where we're going for the kids' week school break. From Singapore, it is relatively inexpensive to fly to nearby SE Asian countries, so let's go for it.

This is the poorest part of Thailand. Farmland. No, not all of Thailand is BEACH RESORTS.
We're not sure if where we'll sleep will have mattresses let alone pillows. We're trying to decide whether to take a can of RAID to spray on whatever it is we do sleep on.
But we're excited.

We're going to meet the family and freinds of our dear helper LOONNI. She's been there for 3 weeks now. Deciding whether to stay with them or come back to work for us. It's a hard decision.

Before she came to Singapore, she'd never met a Christian, let alone heard how much Jesus loves her and wanted to give meaning to her life. She learned and believed that Jesus also gave her hope that the good parts of life here on earth are just a sign of the wonders to come in an eternal life with no pain...no poverty. Now she wants to share this Good News with her family and friends from her village. We don't think there's another church within hours of where she's from. We want to do what we can to give her claims a little more backing. Her claims of having "new life" from this Jewish Savior who lived 2000 years ago and claimed to be the Son of God.

Interesting that this remote place we're going is possibly near where the NE Thailand boy lives who we've been sponsoring through Compassion for the last 6 years. More than 4 weeks ago I wrote to Compassion to find out if there were a way to find out where exactly "Hathai Christian Banklang School" is. If we're going all this way, and it's VERY unlikely that we'll go again, wouldn't it be nice to have a chance to meet in person? It's probably not very often that sponsors just happen to be "in the area." Surely they'll be helpful in letting us meet him...

I get an email back from Compassion:
Hello Friends. Thank you for your email. Unfortunately, we cannot
arrange a child visit that quickly. We do need about 6 weeks notice to
arrange a visit. Please go to our website www.compassion.com to find
information about personal visits and upcoming tours.
blah blah blah.

That settled that. The answer was "NO." I don't have time to keep writing emails. Something told me that it would prove pointless in the end, and I'm over my head busy trying to keep up with ministry obligations AND all the work that Loonni normally helps with (like line drying all the laundry...I know, I know, poor baby, doesn't have her maid for a month!). Anyway, a web search for tracking him down proved fruitless. So, it doesn't look like Watcherin Kumkhert will meet the family who's been sponsoring him, and writing him the past 6 years. I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday. I know that it would take SOME arrangements on behalf of Compassion staff, but why would it take 6 weeks if we are arranging all the travel and will get there ourselves? I asked my husband. He had an interesting reply:

"Well things like this take time." He said. "Besides the expected arranging of a host to meet us in town and then go with us to the school, they would have to first send a scout out to that area of Thailand to find a kid who looks like the one in our picture. Same height. Approximate age. This could take a week or so. Then, once they've found him, they would have to go to a nearby school and bribe the principal to agree during our visit that the school is named Hathai Christian Banklang School..."

I smile. Jim's so funny sometimes.

"Then they would have to make all NEW signs to cover the REAL school signs. Another week or so."

Uh huh.

"And then they'd have to pay someone to go over our pictures with the kid to make sure he knows who we are and gives the right responses."

I told him that I was going to blog this conversation.

"All these things take time Kimberly. You can't just SHOW UP to see your kid."

Ah well. God is sovereign. Compassion is a good organization (even if more than half of what we give in sponsorship goes to overhead/administrative costs for people to do things like answer a sponsor's emails) We've got plenty to trust the Lord about on this crazy trip without the added leg of finding Watcherin.

Bless him Lord. Help him stay on track in his studies. Help him to grow up to truly follow you and be a leader to help his people out of spiritual bondage and poverty. Thank you for Compassion and other organizations like them who are doing what they can, and the best they know how, to eliminate wretched poverty on this planet. In Jesus name, AMEN.

I'm Blogging a Sports Article?

Autistic high schooler scores 20 in debut - Other Sports - MSNBC.com
Oh my goodness. This article of one of lifes GOLDEN MOMENTS brought tears to my eyes. Wow. It's great to be alive and part of the human race.

Chiropractors

Okay. It's been 17 visits now to a local chiropractor. Three times a week is a hefty commitment. Especially when I haven't started to experience any payoff.

Six weeks ago I saw the proof of "subluxation" in the xrays. I really don't want to get calcium deposits and bone spurs in the places where my neck bones have gotten out of whack. Yes. Yes. I want to get that healthy curve back in my neck! So I've signed up for the GOLD FAMILY PLAN to get the $70/visit cost reduced to $50 and and I'm trekking to CHIROPRACTIC CARE downtown mid-day on Monday, Wednesday and Fridays.

My husband is cheering me on for pursuing and sticking with a remedy for chronic neck & shoulder pain, but he remains a ROYAL skeptic. He got a free consultation with the GOLD PLAN. The kids did too and they thought it was really COOL! However, Jim is sure that Dr. Mark injured him while checking the flexiblity in his neck. Every morning since he went in, he tells me his neck still hurts.

He imagines this is what Dr. Mark was saying to himself.

"Oh, so you don't think you need a chiropractor?
(he puts his hands around Jim's chin)
We'll...(twist)
...just...(twist further)
...see about that!! (crack!)"

The part that's started to make me dubious is that I am not given any advice but "KEEP COMING IN...YOU'RE DOING GREAT TO BE REALLY FAITHFUL TO YOUR APPOINTMENTS."
as they chock up another $35 for 3 minutes spent on making my neck and back make more popping sounds (or not).

If I'm this motivated to put my active life on hold to get better, then I want to know about whatever else is going to aid in my healing (diet? exercise?). But supposedly that's what's coming after the first 8 weeks of adjustments...after my spine is where it should be.

I'm feeling like the guy who met Jesus and wanted his kid to be healed.
"If you can make him well..." he said to the Master.
Jesus confidently said, " 'If?' Dude. You've got to Believe."
and the guys says, "I do believe. Help my unbelief."

Problem is. With 'belief' we need to know that what we're putting our faith in has credibility...so because I'm faint of heart, I spent some time on the web reading up on physical therapy for whiplash and feedback on chiropractic care to give myself a little extra encouragement. All I come away with for sure is that I now have a greater chance of getting a stroke. I'd better keep reading.

I've already got the GOLD PLAN and I've committed 5 weeks already. Gonna stick with it and see what happens.

But I'm going to start taking a daily aspirin to thin my blood in case on of those thrice weekly neck pops wants to send a blood clot to my brain.