Thanksgiving Memories

On Thanksgiving this year, I sent this photo from a restaurant
to my boys in Virginia and Kuwait. 

My sons like to tease me about my cooking. They say things like:

"Your specialty is coffee...or water."

"You are the only person I know who can burn a frozen pizza."

I'm really not that terrible a cook, but I lack two important qualities of a skilled chef: interest and the ability to focus. So easily I get distracted in my multi-tasking. 

But, "necessity is the mother of invention," and living in Asia for years I managed to gain some Holiday Cooking Skills.

The BEST Thanksgivings were the years we had an Open House in Singapore. We'd get the word out to any expat "orphans." We invited Singaporean friends. They had grown up watching American TV shows depicting Thanksgiving, but they had never actually eaten sweet potatoes with brown sugar sauce. A large group always came willing to step in and be our surrogate extended family. 

Everyone brought something, so we always had enough to eat. It always seemed a bit miraculous how it worked out without any RSVPs. I cooked as much as my oven would bear of the traditional foods. Stuffing was always the favorite. 

One year, 2009 we had over 60 people come through our 1200sq foot apartment. The place was packed. We gathered around a table piled high with food, and my husband James welcomed everyone. He told of the initial Thanksgiving feast with the pilgrims. He read a few of the Thanksgiving proclamations made by previous American presidents. Everyone's mouths were watering as we smelled the foods beneath us as Jim said the prayer.

As soon as Jim said "AMEN," I had a terrible realization. I had neglected to make gravy. 

Our son Tyler, then sixteen, was apoplectic. "HOW CAN YOU FORGET THE GRAVY? THAT'S THE BEST PART!!???" 

I whipped some up pretty fast and we managed to not suffer without it. You can bet I'll never forget gravy again! 

My first Thanksgiving in China 1997, we had lived there for less than two months. I didn't have a stove or range to cook on. I didn't even have pots and pans! Still, It was Thanksgiving. I NEEDED to make some epicurean comfort.  The problem was that I was already in my 30's and married over ten years, but I had always avoided the kitchen.  What I lacked in experience and interest, I made up for in creativity and determination. We needed a break from our daily fair of local Chinese cafeteria foods. So, I set out to do it all. I was going to produce the Thanksgiving Feast.

(Besides, my parents were flying over from Los Angeles. And they were worried about how we were surviving life in mainland China.)

I found an electric oven the size of a breadbox. It had an erratic thermostat, yet I managed to bake pies and cornbread. I found a crockpot in a local department store and used it to make everything else. The potatoes, stuffing and sweet potatoes were cooked in that crock pot, layered with aluminum foil. 

We found a turkey for sale from the kitchen at the best hotel in town: THE HOLIDAY INN. We took that bird to a local pizza restaurant with a large brick oven. 

It all turned out quite edible! And for the happy grandparents who missed the kids so much, it didn't matter WHAT we ate! I was so proud of myself to get it all hot at the same time through unconventional methods. 

I survived those two years in China by thinking I was camping indoors; all the time. Thanksgiving '97 was one of the milestones.

Election Night 2016 in Chattanooga, TN

Cameron's Recycled Childhood - Work in Progress

Working like crazy 

to get this done before 

Parents Weekend when I'll see #2. 

I may be setting some kind of record 

for quilting outside of a sweatshop.

How Vulnerable are You?

Looking at the quadrant below, how vulnerable are you? With God? With key relationships? In groups you belong to? Where were you in your home as a child or key groups as a young adult? In order to experience rewarding community with others, we need to be willing to be both committed and vulnerable.

THE BEST QUOTE I HEARD THIS YEAR helps frame this: We can't have deep community with EVERYONE. When speaking about relationships at the Joyce Meyer conference this year, author/speaker Beth Moore said we need to aim for:

Authenticity with all.

Transparency with most.

Intimacy with some.

This is just a tool to help you identify a trend in your relationships. Ask the Lord for wisdom about how and with whom you should move toward more vulnerable and committed community.

You will find that in different relationships and in different seasons of your life you find you move degrees in different quadrants.

Not Vulnerable Not Committed	Committed Not Vulnerable (author’s example of her friendships who she didn’t let “in” to know her truly)
Vulnerable Not Committed (author’s example of being a speaker sharing her past secrets with strangers in her audiences)	Committed Vulnerable

"…it boils down to a decision to love others and allow yourself to be loved. Surrender requires risk.” - Anne Marie Miller, Lean on Me. p 49

"The people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of love and belonging.” - Brené Brown

…the idea of surrendering or submitting to others in relationships is frightening and can be met with a tremendous amount of resistance. Do you find yourself hesitant when it comes to the idea of inviting another person into your life in such a vulnerable way?

I've learned to love what my husband loves...

How Emotionally Healthy are YOU?

As we began a read through of Lean on Me, Anne Marie Miller, my dear friend Lyn Woodruff did some searching/compiling this list for our study group. It's worth sharing. How Emotionally Healthy are YOU based on this list? 

Characteristics of Emotional Intelligence/Health and Spiritual Maturity

1. You have a robust emotional vocabulary.  Ps. 139:23-24; Rom. 8:26

All people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research shows that only 36

percent of people can do this, which is problematic because unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices

and counterproductive actions.

People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so.

While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling "bad," emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel

"irritable," "frustrated," "downtrodden," or "anxious." The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you

are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.

2. You’re curious about people. 1Pet. 3:8; Rom. 12:15; 1John 3:17; Heb. 4:15

It doesn't matter if they're introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them. This curiosity

is the product of EMPATHY, one of the most significant gateways to a high EQ. The more you care about other people and what

they're going through, the more curiosity you're going to have about them.

3. You embrace change.  Eccles. 3:1-8; 2 Cor. 5:17; Eph. 4:22-24; Isa. 43:18-19

Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that fear of change is paralyzing and a major threat to

their success and happiness. They look for change that is lurking just around the corner, and they form a plan of action should these

changes occur.

4. You know your strengths and weaknesses. 2 Cor.12:5-7

Emotionally intelligent people don't just understand emotions; they know what they're good at and what they're terrible at. They also know

who pushes their buttons and the environments (both situations and people) that enable them to succeed. Having a high EQ means you

know your strengths and how to lean into and use them to your full advantage while keeping your weaknesses from holding you back.

5. You’re a good judge of character. John 7:24; 1 John 4: 1-6; Proverbs

Much of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness; the ability to read other people, know what they're about, and understand

what they're going through. Over time, this skill makes you an exceptional judge of character. People are no mystery to you. You know

what they're all about and understand their motivations, even those that lie hidden beneath the surface.

6. You are difficult to offend. Eccles. 7:21-22; Prov. 11:12; Col. 3:13

If you have a firm grasp of who you are, it's difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people

are self-confident and open-minded, which creates a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other people make jokes

about you because you are able to mentally draw the line between humor and degradation.

7. You know how to say no (to yourself and others). Gal. 5:22-23

Emotional intelligence means knowing how to exert self-control. You delay gratification and avoid impulsive action. Research conducted at

the University of California, San Francisco, shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience

stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no is a major self-control challenge for many people, but "No" is a powerful word that you

should unafraid to wield. When it's time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases such as "I don't think I can" or "I'm not

certain." Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.

8. You let go of mistakes. Heb. 8:12; Phil. 3: 13-14; Ps. 51:10

Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but do so without forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a

safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to walk

this tightrope between dwelling and remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting

about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of

improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.

9. You give and expect nothing in return. Lk. 6:35

When someone gives you something spontaneously, without expecting anything in return, this leaves a powerful impression. For example,

you might have an interesting conversation with someone about a book, and when you see them again a month later, you show up with the

book in hand. Emotionally intelligent people build strong relationships because they are constantly thinking about others.

10. You don't hold grudges. Eph. 4:31-32; Mt. 6:14-15

The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event sends your body

into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. When the

threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when the threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on

your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto

stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you're holding onto stress, and emotionally

intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now but can also improve your

health.

11. You neutralize toxic people. Zech. 8:16-17

Dealing with difficult people is frustrating and exhausting for most. But high-EQ individuals control their interactions with toxic people by

keeping their feelings in check. When they need to confront a toxic person, they approach the situation rationally. They identify their own

emotions and don't allow anger or frustration to fuel the chaos. They also consider the difficult person's standpoint and are able to find

solutions and common ground. Even when things completely derail, emotionally intelligent people are able to take the toxic person with a

grain of salt to avoid letting him or her bring them down.

12. You don't seek perfection. Rom. 3:23

Emotionally intelligent people won't set perfection as their target because they know that it doesn't exist. Human beings, by our very nature,

are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you're always left with a nagging sense of failure that makes you want to give up or reduce your

effort. You end up spending time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and should have done differently instead of moving forward,

excited about what you've achieved and what you will accomplish in the future.

13. You appreciate what you have. 1 Thess. 5:18; Jas. 1:17

Taking time to contemplate what you're grateful for isn't merely the right thing to do; it also improves your mood by reducing the stress

hormone cortisol (in some cases by 23 percent). Research conducted at the University of California, Davis, found that people who work

daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude experience improved mood,energy, and physical well-being. It's likely that lower levels of cortisol

play a major role in this.

14. You disconnect. Mt. 11:28-30; Ps. 46:10

Taking regular time off the grid is a sign of a high EQ because it helps you to keep your stress under control and to live in the moment.

When you make yourself available to your work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stressors. Forcing yourself offline and

even--gulp!--turning off your phone gives your body and mind a break. Studies have shown that something as simple as an email break can

lower stress levels. Technology enables constant communication and the expectation that you should be available 24/7. It is extremely

difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work when an email with the power to bring your thinking (read: stressing) back to work

can drop onto your phone at any moment

15. You limit your caffeine intake.  Gal. 5:22-23

Drinking excessive amounts of caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline, which is the primary source of a fight-or-flight response. The

fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response to ensure survival. This is great when a bear is chasing

you, but not so great when you're responding to a curt email. When caffeine puts your brain and body into this hyper-aroused state of stress,

your emotions overrun your behavior. Caffeine's long half-life ensures you stay this way as it takes its sweet time working its way out of

your body. High-EQ individuals know that caffeine is trouble, and they don't let it get the better of them.

16. You get enough sleep. Ps. 23:2; Lam. 3:23; Mk. 2:27

It's difficult to overstate the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and managing your stress levels. When you sleep,

your brain literally recharges, shuffling through the day's memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams) so that you wake

up alert and clearheaded. High-EQ individuals know that their self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when they don't get

enough--or the right kind--of sleep. So, they make sleep a top priority.

17. You stop negative self-talk in its tracks. Rom. 12: 1-2; 2 Cor. 10:5; Phil. 4:8

The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that--thoughts, not

facts. When it feels like something always or never happens, this is just your brain's natural tendency to perceive threats (inflating the

frequency or severity of an event). Emotionally intelligent people separate their thoughts from the facts in order to escape the cycle of

negativity and move toward a positive, new outlook.

18. You won't let anyone limit your joy. Rom. 12:3; 1 Pet. 5:8

When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own

happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something they've done, they won't let anyone's opinions or snide remarks

take that away from them. While it's impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think, you don't have to compare yourself to

others, and you can always take people's opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your

self-worth comes from within.

http://www.inc.com/travis-bradberry/are-you-emotionally-intelligent-here-s-how-to-know-for-sure.html

A Mother's Day Letter for Tyler & Cameron too

Son, I have been most proud  of you this year for the way you have

become more tender toward those you care about; including the Lord.

As a warrior and a gentleman, my prayer for you is that you will

continue to learn from Him and your mentors, how to be a godly Soldier;

how to be genuine in your surrender to the Lord when your learning to

never surrender to your enemy. That you will learn to be as “on guard”

against the schemes of your unseen enemy as you are learning to be

against the seen.

So much love for you,

On Sunday for Mother’s Day worship services for The River Church, at the Beach and Norris in Palos Verdes, I’m going to be doing a monologue that I wrote in 1993 for someone else to perform at Easter that year. I wrote it when you were 6 weeks old and I was discovering what motherhood was all about. These many years later I have the opportunity to perform it myself. Fitting to do it now after having seen you survive the suffering of Ranger School this year, and that you are in a career where you willingly put yourself in harm’s way.

Being your mom has inspired this monologue:

He was my firstborn. 

With him I experienced the first time for a lot of things...the first to feel move inside of me, the first to nurse at my breast...the first sweet baby to fall asleep in my arms. Even if he hadn't been conceived of the Holy Spirit, he would have been special.

When I looked into his face as a man, I could not help seeing him at all his stages – that sleeping baby, the playful and happy child, or that adolescent who seemed to blossom overnight from a smooth skinned boy into a muscular man. These are things that mothers cherish in their hearts.

We did the best we could in raising him. It was often awkward, knowing who he was. I mean, think about it.
Imagine us, teaching him to pray. “Okay, little Ye'shua, (creator of the Universe) come here. Let’s pray before
bedtime... Yes, to your Father …yes the one in heaven... Yes to your true father! Achh.” You see? 

Sometimes...most times...I felt so inadequate. And exhausted. But even though I fumbled around, a lot, Yahweh gave me peace that I was doing it right. Because I was doing my best.
It was hard not to continue mothering him after his ministry began. I even spent time traveling with his group of disciples. To see him endure those exhausting days when the multitudes would give him no rest made me anxious for his health. I had to see that he ate right...What can I say? I'm a Jewish mother. 

I feared for his safety when I heard that our leaders were not accepting him as the Messiah. I worried when things sometimes got dangerous. I started hearing the rumors that they wanted to take his life.
And then they did....I saw it. Every mocking word. Every grimace. Every painful heaving breath. Until there were no more…. I had known. All along,...deep in my heart, I had known that something like this might happen. He had tried to warn me and I had tried to be prepared for the worst. But how could any mother prepare for the death of her dear baby? 

How could I believe that this was God's plan? I'm the one who gave him life! 

But through his death, I am now a woman he has died for. He becomes the one who gives me life. Eternal life.
We think our children belong to us; but they don’t. They are gifts loaned from the Father in Heaven to take care of, and nurture, and love, for the time he ordains. So Mothers…Our Father God also gave YOU to your child, your children.  

Women, the children you influence. In all your perfect imperfection, you are a blessing to those children.
As you guide them to whatever their destinies are, let Yahweh give YOU peace that you too are doing it right,
because you also are doing your best.

 AND for Cameron...

I know you probably don’t like it that I love talking about you so much. But when I meet people, they want to know if I have kids and what they are like. 

I love telling the story of the miracle of how you came to be my son. How you and Tyler wore matching outfits so Chinese people would “get it” that you were brothers, and that telling about your adoption was such a great way to introduce them to the Gospel that we can be adopted into God’s forever family. That you’ve been the family’s “Love

Glue.”

Sometimes, if it’s someone frustrated with raising a teenager, I tell them that you were a knucklehead in Junior High School and came out of adolescence a wonderful guy. Really.

Everyone who knows you adores you. Even some of my new friends here in the South Bay. Last week one lady was saying, “I really can’t wait to meet Cameron. He seems like such a great kid!”

You are so positive and encouraging. I’m so eager to work

together this summer with you as my “trainer” and getting more

fit with dad at the gym. This is the summer you will learn to drive. You

will be getting your first paycheck that swallows up some of your earnings for tax and social security… What else awaits this long

summer break ahead? 

I FINALLY had a great inspiration yesterday for a design for your memory quilt and am going to borrow Grammy Sue’s sewing machine. So you’ll have to put up with me sewing while we watch movies and catch up on “Bates Motel” this summer.

Thank you for being so forgiving too, for the times I hurt or embarrassed you when you were a teenager and I was so frustrated with you. I can’t imagine you ever talking badly about others… you are so full of grace.

I love you so much Cameron, and can’t imagine my life happy without you.

You just keep getting better and better. God who oversaw your start, who chose to make you a person to inhabit this planet, sure made a winner when he made you!

Mother's Day Letter Tradition

Though this letter is so personal, I dared to post it up here because it's been so meaningful for her, that I want to encourage others to start this tradition. I'm grateful to be back in the USA after so many years in Asia in order to have this time with my folks. 

May 8, 2016

Happy Mother’s Day Mom!

Here is your third annual letter of random memories and tons of thanks! I’m so glad to have you

as my mom. This past year, since last Mother’s Day has probably been the year with more

accomplishments than any other year of our lives:

• Cameron’s High School Graduation in
• Tennessee
• Tyler’s College Graduation & ROTC
• Officer Commissioning at Cal Poly
• A party to send Cameron off to Liberty
• with blessings of his adult mentors –
• mostly your friends
• Our trip to Yosemite to celebrate your
• Anniversary
• Tyler’s Infantry Officer Graduation &
• RANGER School Graduation in
• Columbus Georgia

We’ve had sadness too in walking with

Howard through his last days, Kathy

Ramirez return of cancer, and trying from a

distance to support another family member as he had difficulty at Riverside Military and transitioning into a

suitable High School. And you continuing the journey of coping with your brain not cooperating.

You’ve always taken pride in that sharp mind, skilled planning and ability to organize. In these

recent years you’ve wrestled with losing those abilities and have been forced to find your

identity as a beloved child of God, a beloved wife and mother, a brave and gracious patient

with a sassy sense of humor. You keep surrendering to this new normal -- no matter what you

can and can no longer do. You have been so brave.

These last few weeks we’ve been organizing your closets filled with the fruits of one of your

favorite hobbies: clothes shopping. It’s been fun for me to see all the clothes you have! It’s like

going to a clothing shop. While we purge out what is clearly too large for your thinner body, and

put matching outfits of separates together, I’m reminded again of growing up and having a

mom who was always more fashionable than I was. The strange thing is, what stands out in my

mind as an example of that is that you had some Van’s slip-on jungle print tennis shoes before

anyone knew of the new slip-on design!

You are not the Anne Taylor/Talbots kind of conservative professional. You were not even LL

Bean or Patagonia sporty -- wearing collared blouses and slacks and looking like everyone

else. When you weren’t in your PE teacher uniform, your clothes were trendy and feminine! I

think this recent era lace, crochet and peasant layers has been your favorite. That’s the time

when it dawned on me: for all your praise of my creativity, I got my “artsy” from you!

You may not have owned up to the fact that you were a creative, but you were. In your cooking

and sewing and decorating and favorite musicians you were creative. They were always ones

you could easily sing along to. Your creativity was so evident.

You learned how to play guitar and would have me sing with you at the Gamble/Ralls

Christmas Eve gathering. Alfred Burt carols have always been my favorites since you taught

them to me back then.

Long years ago on a deep winter’s night
High in the heavens a star shown bright
While in a manger a wee baby lay
Sweetly asleep on a bed of hay…

You may not have been into pop music or wanted us to go to school dances (we were good

Baptists) but FOLK DANCING was okay. You loved teaching folk dancing as part of your PE

curriculum. The Filipino dance with the bamboo poles “tininkling,” square dancing… and of

course drill team routines.

You’ve been a good balance of organized/controlled with fun loving/free. Well, maybe more on

the controlled side. But as I reflect on life growing up with you as a mom, and have read and

learned of what childhood was like for others, you were AMAZING! You kept our daily life and

family calendar organized and humming along with rarely a sense of hurry or stress (oh how I

remember your long packing lists for Camping, or planning lists for prepping a party!) YET you

were not frantic or crabby by the challenges of family life in the fast lane. You’ve laughed and

enjoyed life and took time to watch a bit of TV, bake, sew, and be the scorekeeper at little

league games (BTW: If you had raised me in this era, you would have known by my inability to

learn to keep score at those games that I was ADD. You tried to get me to do it, but I could

NEVER stay focused enough to not miss all those details of hits, runs & errors! You, however,

saw and remembered EVERY play!)

That’s why I know this season of your brain not working well has to be especially frustrating,

and I grieve with you this gradual loss you have been living with. What I admire so much about

you right now is that while I’m sure you have your times of sorrow, you are choosing to stay

cheerful, loving and keep your sense of humor. I see you choosing to focus on gratitude for

what you do have: lots of love, respect and affection from your family and the many people you

have invested in over the years; PLUS the security of knowing your true identity in Jesus

Christ, and how dear you are to our Heavenly Father who has promised his care and provision.

You are my hero Mom. You always will be.

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Ranger School Recollections

Graduation Ceremony at Fort Benning, March 3. Still unbelievable.

Like childbirth, I imagine that the details of the three painful phases of Army Ranger School...will fade with time. This is why I compiled the letters written from Tyler - and to him - while he was in Ranger School. Included are some of the details we learned about it while he was in the course. We knew so little about it when he started in January. Yet, we OBSESSED on the Facebook Ranger School Support Group for his class (03-16). 

This compilation of photos, letters and descriptions ended up to be a 45 page book. It's a way for me to remember why I had arrhythmia (and chewed off nails) left at the end of those months. PM me if you'd like a copy.

For the 8 hour pass between Phase 1 and Phase 2, my brother drove from Atlanta
to help Tyler do everything that needed to be done. HERO!

GoFundMe Campaign for Kathy Ramirez

Kathy Ramirez is a childhood family friend. The grow up together, be her "babysitter," go on family vacations together, go to the same church and school kind of friend. Her family gave me the honor to draft the text for her GoFundMe description. Their journey makes my heart hurt all the time. Here is the final:

It was six months ago and yet it still feels unreal.

On the Sunday night of Memorial Day weekend, David Ramirez, 47, suffered a sudden and unexpected aortic aneurysm while in his home with his family.  His wife, Kathy Ramirez, was suffering from congestive heart failure, on oxygen, and hoping to gain enough strength to get back to battling metastatic breast cancer with more rounds of chemotherapy.  Their young teenaged children, Emily and John, were trying to figure out how to navigate their lives with a mom who was in her second battle against breast cancer when they had to face the sudden loss of their dad.  Friends and family who had been walking with them and praying with them for Kathy’s healing could not have imagined that they’d have to face the unexpected loss of David.

There are no words to express how heartbroken everyone is right now.  We lost a wonderful man whose winsome personality and generous spirit had been a blessing and encouragement to many.

Life with its mix of struggles and happiness continues to move forward for all of us, but when we face our difficulties we remember Kathy and her children and we gain strength to overcome.  Whatever challenges we have in this season, we know it is so much more difficult for Kathy and her kids as she continues her very tough battle with metastatic breast cancer and still raise young teenagers.  Kathy has not been able to work due to the effects of the cancer, the ugly side effects of treatment and complications of her congenital heart defect.  Yet the everyday life and her healthcare bills keep coming in.

Their life has essentially been turned upside down.

KATHY, EMILY, and JOHN NEED OUR HELP LIKE NEVER BEFORE.

The financial ramifications of all of this are piling up.  Loss of a second income, loss of wages, unexpected increase in costs across the board for medical insurance and medical expenses continue to cause a great amount of stress, anguish and financial instability.  Plus a new reality that she is now facing this battle without her husband, and the kids, without their dad.  We continue to hope and pray for provision for her, and most of all a miracle in healing while wish there was more that we can do.

Kathy and her family continue to be humbled by the outpouring of support and help.  Your kind and encouraging words, healing prayers, and the many supportive and helpful hands are more than anyone could ask for and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Monies raised will go to meet immediate day to day expenses as well put toward The Ramirez Family Trust that has been set up for Emily and John’s future provision and education.

gofundme.com/kathyramirez

We encourage you to follow and share Kathy’s story at facebook.com/groups/KathyRamirez/

On the Needs of the World, Wanting my Missionary Kids to not be Dorks in America, How Your Job is Just a Platform for the REAL Calling & My Most Important Values (Which Should Be Yours Too)

It’s Missions month here in the College Group and I’m your first Missionary Speaker. It’s a little scary because I don’t know you. What do you think of missions and missionaries? 

What do you know about the world? I’ve had this yellowed cartoon on the fridge of my home in 4 different countries. You see, I grew up a Californian and didn’t know the STATES, let alone the WORLD.

After my sophomore year of college, I went on a Mission Trip to France and met kids from all over. I feIl in love with a guy from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and he was mortified, MORTIFIED, that I thought he lived on the East COAST. 

(It’s not) 

Do you know much about Geography? I want to play a game to test your knowledge of World Geography. I'll give you a card with a country name on it, and you all go make a map of the world. Let's let the students who own passports go out there and place themselves where they've traveled, and then you can fill in the rest.

Where do you get your news? Do you pay attention to world news? Why should we care about the news? If we want to really be like our Heavenly Father and care about the same things he cares about…duh. John 3:16 God so LOVED the world…

My son Tyler turned me on to VOX news. This article shows some really astounding GOOD news about last year.

The world had a rough year in 2015, with the ongoing civil war in Syria and rise of ISIS's international terrorism, the intensifying global refugee crisis, a spate of mass shootings in America, the rise of Donald Trump, and so on.

But it's worth keeping things in perspective. For all the ways 2015 was a terrible year for the world, there is at least one metric by which it was a very good year. According to data from a United Nations report released this July, this year saw a historic decline in global poverty. The number of people living in extreme poverty has decreased so rapidly that it's been cut in half just since 1990.

This decline in global poverty has been mounting for now 200 years, and took off in the latter half of the 20th century. Decolonization and economic reform in places such as China helped much of the developing world catch up to the developed. Between 1990 and 2015, about 1.1 billion people have been lifted out of extreme poverty (defined as living on $1.25 a day). That means that in just the past 25 years, a full seventh of humanity has been saved from terrible want.

$1.25 a day defines Extreme Poverty. The article goes on to explain that now parents are earning incomes and getting health care and more kids are going to school. Cut in half in 25 years, about 1.1 billion people… And then. Wait a minute. I have to stop celebrating. See the chart? 836 million people STILL live in extreme poverty.

836 million people still live on less that $1.25 a day.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY 836 MILLION PEOPLE ARE?

That’s roughly 2 ½ times the population of the ENTIRE UNITED STATES. Sorry to be Debbie Downer. But there’s still a lot of freaking need in the world that doesn’t even compare to a homeless or lower-income or undocumented person in the USA.

Why I became a missionary: As a young person I became convicted about the imbalance of resources in the world. I met some pretty amazing missionaries who inspired my young faith, and I realized that the USA has plenty of resources and Christians to share the good news and help things here get better…I mean, really, even among our most destitute, not many are living on less than $1.25 a day. The resources for Christianity and the 'cause of the Gospel are also as imbalanced. I wanted to go somewhere where I’m needed more.

I would have never in a million years ever guessed that I’d eventually be a missionary who speaks Chinese.

Nor would I have guessed that by the time my children were grown and left the house, I would have traveled to as many countries as I am years old. 

I came to RHCC…pretty soon right after I graduated from College. I had worked in the Entertainment department of Disneyland and was a Drama Major in University. 

I chose Theatre, because I love ALL the arts, and couldn’t settle for just ONE. I loved singing, performing, writing and bossing people around, uh leading. In drama you can do it all: acting, set & costume design, playwriting, and directing (bossing people around)…Theatre gives a multidisciplinary artist a chance to use not just the triple threat…but a whole toolkit of skills! During College I started getting even more interested in the things God was doing around the world. I had a couple chances to go on mission trips. I was always interested in language and cultural anthropology…understanding other ways of life, and then trying to imagine how I could combine my love for the arts with being a missionary somewhere in the world.

When an older guy in seminary started chasing me, I thought, “Oh dear…Pastor’s Wife….that will be a challenging role to play…” And then we got more serious. We got Married.

He started being the Missions and Evangelism Pastor here the week after our honeymoon. I led a weekly ministry in drama with more than 20 actors in a theatre company here. Below is a STAGED photo from our first Missions Retreat together.

Twelve years later we decided to move from being ministry specialist practitioners to coaches – and after a year of seeking out our options, we sensed God was leading us to be missionaries in Asia.

When we left RHCC my two boys were 4 years old and a baby. We went to China to learn language and culture, and then spent 15 years based mostly in Singapore to help Christian leaders & missionaries be better leaders and missionaries (Well, that was my husband’s focus. I learned from him what he was doing in mentoring leaders and used it with artists. Mostly performers).

Being a theatre artist was not who I was. Our JOB doesn’t define our identity. My vocation in 

the arts has been a tool. A satisfyin platform for making relationships with others and sharing the hope we have in Jesus with them and living a wholehearted life together sharing the pain and the joys that are part of the journey. Your VOCATION isn’t the main thing. It’s the platform you have for allowing you to do what are the most important things in life. What are those most important things?

We’re going to get to that in a couple minutes. I want you to know me and my family a little better.

I now have two boys who are around YOUR age. 

They are 19 and 23. 

Cameron is a Freshman in college. Business Major. Loves Movies. Wants to work in the Entertainment industry in some business/marketing capacity. He’s not a creator. He’s a consumer. Because of this passion for movies, he longs to work in this industry with others who are also passionate about visual storytelling. He’s a big soft lovable happy-go-lucky teddy bear of a guy who LOVES people and loves helping people. Like you he is figuring out faith as a young adult trying to also figure out what his role is going to be in the world with his unique package of gifts, talent, interests…and faith in God.

The older son, Tyler just graduated last summer from Cal Poly SLO in Political Science. He did ROTC and, well, he is Captain America. Seriously. Tonight I’m having a hard time focusing. I’ve never been a worrier…But right now, since the beginning of January, Tyler is in ARMY Ranger School out in Georgia. Today is the last day of Mountain Phase of Ranger School and he’s been underfed, sleep deprived and outdoors sleeping in below freezing temperatures the last couple weeks. I’m kinda freaking out. He survived the first 3 weeks of the Camp Darby torture. Just search it on YouTube: “Army Ranger Training.” It is INHUMANE. (Why do people choose to do this?) Sometime tomorrow we’ll get a phone call to let us know if he will recycle (not pass) or get a “GO” to the Swamp Phase…where he’ll learn to do things like wrestle with Alligators.

Deep breath. Focus. 

So, there you know my kids.

Walking with my boys in this stage of life, I know that in College you are in a season of figuring out your strengths, gifts, seeking God for his will for your future. Growing and going in a direction that he seems to be leading you. It is a mysterious time. It’s an exciting season of life. But it can also be a scary time too.

I’m in a mysterious time too. All my life I’ve been passionate about the arts, especially theatre, and I’ve had AMAZING (things I could not have imagined) experiences, being able to use that as a platform for ministry all around the world, like: 

• Teaching Drama at a Christian College in Singapore where students want to learn how to use drama as a ministry. 
• With Arabic speaking youth drama teams who share the Gospel through drama all over Egypt.
• In Cambodia with orphans who use the arts to go to villages and share the Good news of Jesus using traditional Khmer art forms. 
• And through all the years, being the drama queen adding spice to life in our family of four and with our friends and neighbors.

But I’m in this crazy mid-life transition time. For a couple YEARS now. We said goodbye to our ministry and life in Asia, and came back for a year Sabbatical 15 months ago, waiting waiting waiting on God for what our next steps are… and the end is not yet in sight. 

However, in this 15 months…

·      We’ve had two graduations
·      a major surgery
·      two deaths in the family
·      our parents taking a big decline in their abilities to live independently

I’m not DOING any drama. I’m living in drama!

While there’s NO DOUBT that God has us here in the USA for some important things, still, I, LIKE YOU, wish I knew what God’s plans were for our future so I could feel more settled.

HOWEVER, I do have peace in the midst of the unknown.

And that’s what I want to upack tonight. Why do I have peace?

Tonight I’m going to share with you a few of my favorite verses, and why I think they should be YOUR favorites too…I’ve put them in the Feed of Your College Facebook Group.

 My Most Important Values, based on God's Word:

1.            LOVE GOD, (really love and honor the mystery who is the Trinity) & LOVE OTHERS

Mark 12:28-31  

[this is REPEATED!!! Deuteronomy 6:5, Deut ch11 & ch 30 3 times, Matt 22:37 Luke 10:27]

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”

“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

2.             SURRENDER. TRUST He is GOOD & SEEK GOD

Lamentations 3:19-28

I remember my affliction and my wandering,

    the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them,

    and my soul is downcast within me.

Yet this I call to mind

    and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

    for his compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;

    great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;

    therefore I will wait for him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,

    to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly

    for the salvation of the Lord.

It is good for a man to bear the yoke

    while he is young.

Let him sit alone in silence,

    for the Lord has laid it on him.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct your paths.

3. Focus on the GOOD

PRAYER & THANKSGIVING keys to staying mentally healthy

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:4-13

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

[how do we get that peace?]

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you….

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

1 Peter 5:6-9

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

I mentioned that I’m in this season of not knowing how to move forward career-wise. I don’t like being in the middle of a transition.

I want to know what God’s plan is for our future.

His answer is “You know what my direction is for today, and tomorrow…even next week. Wait for the rest.”

So, THAT being known, I believe my purpose – what I bring to the world – is “adding spice to life,” and my motto has been to BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED.

The Bible lets us know that after this short 100 years or so, on other side of what we know here, is where all your dreams will be fulfilled, heavenly bliss, the perfect life…forever. Man, let me come back another time and talk about our hope of heaven! mmm. My perspective on that keeps me going on many days!

So, while I’m around here, going to RHCC, waiting on…seeking God…I’m finding ways to add some spice around here, by helping out with our Missions Conference at the end of the month. I was thinking after being here for awhile,

“MAN, AMERICAN CHRISTIANS ARE SO DEPRESSED! Everything is so doom and gloom! Stop watching FoxNews and let’s start noticing that God is at work in the world! He’s doing amazing things!”

Saturday morning the 27^th is our Missions Conference. It will be packed with 6 great sessions focusing on Amazing stories. I’m going to do a session on learning how to pray better with Andy Douglas who is your speaker next week. We can see God do amazing things in and through us through the mystery of communing with him in prayer. 

But, spicey me, I didn’t think it was enough to focus on being amazed at God just one weekend in February. SHOOT, NO. 

We’ve started a campaign on Social Media… post where you are seeing God at work in your life, or what you’re hearing or reading about God doing Amazing things, and use the # BeAmazedrhcc. Take a second and check it out #BeAmazedRHCC.

Find ways to bloom where you are planted…even in places where nothing seems to grow let alone bloom! We know the ending of our story, no matter what twists and turns are on our path, the ending is “and they lived happily ever after."

4.            LIVE IN UNITY & FINISH WELL

John 17 Jesus’ last prayer for his disciples…His greatest longing for them in the future was unity. But I have a relatively new fav verse: v4 

I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do.

5.             SHARE our HOPE and MENTOR OTHERS

When Jesus started his ministry and he called his Disciples from a life of being fishermen, he said he was going to make them “Fishers of Men.”

His last words were, (and you know that a person’s last words have a unique gravitas - importance) his famous last words were…do you know what they were?

Let’s look at another of my favorite verses, that I think should be your fav too:

Matthew 28:16-20. Read that.

And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

• GO make disciples.
• Teach them what I’ve taught you.
• We’re going to do it together.

5 minutes more...

Maybe it’s my hyperactive mind that should have been thinking deeper thoughts about how to close my sharing with you tonight, but I was thinking about my guys being similar ages to you, and missing them…and thinking about what it was like raising BOYS…(you know they were the most important of my disciples…) and I was a pretty amazing mom I have to say…Just ask my kids. I tried to stay ahead of the curve on things they would be into.

Like technology, and pop culture and slang and music. (I confess, I never EVER got into gaming. Maybe. Maybe some year I will, and they'll come home for Christmas and I'll be like, "Hey, guys! Break out that xbox! Mom wants to show you she finally knows how to operate a controller!")

We wanted our boys to grow up as citizens of the world, overseas, but not be dorks in America. We were very intentional about their awareness of American culture. But, you'd be surprised how many things that we experienced in our lives on the other side of the world in Asia, that YOU DID TOO. Like, you know what? I’ll tell you one thing…

I was a POKEMAMMA! In 1998 when they came out, I thought they were the STUPIDIST things, but my boys were REALLY into it. My guess is, many of you were too.

I started thinking about the Pokemon theme song, “I wanna be the very best” and how we are raised to perform and do our best, and all the pressure there is on you at this stage in your life to figure out your destiny and be successful. We gotta be THE best. Which is impossible.

And my crazy ADD mind jumped to a realization that the Pokemon theme song is really kind of about MISSIONS…evangelism and discipleship. No matter what your VOCATION is going to be, and whether or not you’ve got clear direction on that,

We DO know what God asks of us. He wants us to be Fishers of Men. The words are on the Facebook site. Just exchange POKEMON for Prince of PEACE. It’s kinda weird, I know.

They’re going to play the song. And sing it! Knock yourselves out…I know it’s been awhile.

POKEMON THEME SONG

(aka: Great Commission/Being “Fishers of Men” Edition)

I wanna be my very best,


Like no one ever was.


To catch them is my real test,


To train them is my cause.

I will travel across the lands,

Searching far and wide.

Each Person to understand

The power from God inside.

CHORUS:

Prince of Peace,

(gotta catch them all)

it’s you and me.

I know its my destiny

Prince of Peace,

oh, you're my best friend.

In a world we must defend  

Prince of Peace,

(gotta catch them all)

a heart so true

Faith and courage will pull us through

You teach me and I'll teach TRUTH.

(Prince of Peace) Gotta catch 'em all!

Verse 2:

Every challenge along the way

With courage I will face

I will battle every day

To claim my rightful place

Come with me, the time is right

There's no better team

Arm in arm we'll win the fight

It's always been our dream.

CHORUS

One last little bit (that I didn't share)

The only thing wrong with the song is that Ash is not singing about this in community! He was kind of a loner. Jesus didn’t give that Great Commission to individuals. He gave it to his band of brothers…and some sisters. How many disciples did Jesus have? (12) and his closest were…Peter, James, John…(the dudes who saw the transfiguration). But do you know that scholars estimate that the number of people who were his original disciples were around 70. About the size of this College Group… I’m just saying… Think about that for a minute. You are in this band of believers who attend RHCC and follow Jesus. Do you have around 12 closer friends? And are you being intentional with deepening your walk with around 3? That’s my last encouragement for you before you get in your small groups ---which are SUCH A GIFT for you.

We have GOT to be super intentional about cultivating our face to face friendships and community in a culture and lifestyle where we can have dozens of circles of shallow relationships and still feel so lonely. So dig in the rest of the evening. I’ve come up with some discussion questions to talk about.

Hebrews 10:23-24 (live in Unity and Finish well…point #4 above)

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.