Our Story of Infertility. From 2004 for Little Miracles book by Peter Lim

Back in 2004 I wrote this chapter for Peter Lim who was putting out this book as a thanksgiving offering that they were finally going to have a baby. I just checked and it is not available on Amazon, but Peter may have some copies!

Kimberly & James Creasman

Married June 1985

Infertility approx. 5 years, saw a specialist for 2 years.

Tyler, 1^st child: biological son conceived thru IUI, born January 1993 (after 7 ½ years married)

Cameron, 2^nd child: bi-racial son adopted December 1996 through Bethany Child Services in USA (private adoption)

It was 1996 and our first child, Tyler was turning three. We’d been through the ups and downs heartaches of five years of infertility the first time around, it was an emotional roller coaster we didn’t want to get on again. Starting on another journey of infertility treatments was too much of a gamble. We would surely spend too much money and emotional energy on the process and still not have any success in conceiving and delivering a second child.

Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” The desire of our hearts was to have a second child, and that our first child, Tyler, grow up with the blessing of a sibling. We had always prayed through our years of infertility, “God grant us the desires of our hearts, and if our dreams are not in your plans for us, please change those desires.” So, again we put our faith in Scripture. We focused our hearts and minds on delighting in the Lord, and we were confident that he would, in His way, satisfy our desires.

Another thing we were sure about was that there are many unwanted pregnancies and orphans in the world. We have strong convictions about abortion and caring for underprivileged. It was not a difficult decision for us to begin the procedures to adopt our second child.

Toward the end of 1996 we drafted and sent a letter to the Heath Clinics of all the Christian Colleges in USA, and hired an adoption attorney. We also had registered with a private agency working with women in crisis pregnancies. What follows is an excerpt from the letter we wrote to introduce ourselves to women who were considering giving their baby up for adoption.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purposes in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:28

For our first 7 years of marriage we were eager to be parents. We wondered why God was not granting us the desire of our hearts. Month after month we worked with an infertility doctor. It was a time of disappointment and discouragement, but we had confidence that God always knows what is best. Finally God answered “yes” just before Mother’s Day in 1992.

Four months into our long awaited pregnancy, Jim’s father was diagnosed with terminal cancer that would quickly take his life. Through Dad’s last months of pain and discomfort, God, with perfect timing, had provided a great source of joy: his first grandchild. We hadn’t known through the years of waiting for a child, that God’s timing would be perfect for us. Rarely this side of heaven do we get answers to our questions of why God is slow to answer or silent. In this situation, he was gracious to show us his reasons for answering “wait.” As a newborn baby, our son Tyler was still small enough to be held safely in grandpa’s weak arms in the few months before he died.

Now, here we are, four years later. This little Tyler prays every night that God would give him a baby brother or sister; the desire of our three hearts. Being parents has been the greatest experience of our lives and yet our infertility problems have worsened. Wherever you are, you are reading our letter because you are wondering what the future holds for you and the child you are carrying.

God is a good God, and he cares so much for you, for us, and for your baby. Our prayers are with you as you make these important decisions in the days to come.

With hope for a bright future,

The Creasmans

Jim, Kimberly & Tyler

Two months later, our Christmas cards were delayed in the sending. Here’s the letter we sent out with our cards a few weeks after Christmas:

January 13, 1997

In late August, when we decided to pursue a domestic adoption, we began praying that it would come together quickly; specifically, that a birthmother would choose us by Christmas, December 25^th, and that a baby would be in our home early in 1997. Not that God needed a date, but we thought it couldn’t hurt to let him know our desires….

We left December 3^rd for a two week mission trip to Asia (we were exploring options for serving in Singapore and Indonesia). We had not been able to finish all of the adoption application paperwork, or the required home study. Never-the-less, while in Indonesia, we received a fax from the agency to which we were applying for adoption. They were notifying us that a birthmother had chosen us. She was due December 25^th. “Are you interested?” We faxed back, “YES!”

The day after we arrived back to LA, we learned that the baby had been born early (December 14^th). In a whirlwind of meetings, a rush of paperwork, and a fog of jet lag we decided that this 6 pound, 11 ounce baby boy was the answer to our prayers. Only 5 days after arriving home, he was our son! We brought him to church the day he was adopted, and our first week back from the trip. Some people thought that the pastor had brought a baby back as a souvenir! We washed all of Tyler’s newborn clothes with the laundry from our trip!

We are still stunned at how quickly this has happened, yet it is exactly what we prayed for! What a wonder-filled Christmas to hold our adopted newborn while worshipping the newborn Jesus. He came so that we might have the opportunity to be adopted as His children. We thank God for his goodness and have great confidence that He brought Cameron into our family. 

More than 7 years down the road now, we thank God everyday for the joy and challenge of raising our boys. We continue to pray whether God would want us to adopt again (though we’re not getting any younger!). There is nothing in life that gives us such a clear picture of our heavenly father’s love for us than being parents. There is nothing better to help us understand and share with others the wonder of being adopted as heirs of God’s kingdom.

Our prayer for you would be that God would deepen your love for, and trust in him as you wait for him to fulfill the longing of your hearts. May He grow in all of us a yearning for him as deep and passionate as our longing to have children. May he strengthen your character and deepen your compassion for others who hurt as you walk this part of your journey.

DEMO REEL.

We've not met? 

You've not heard me speak? Sing? Oh my. Where have you been all my life?

So, if you're thinking of having me speak for your group, here's an unconventional intro to me.It's from a little concert a few years ago at the Singapore Arts House. Some background about our life in Singapore, and how I sometimes approach my relationship with Jesus. It's the best thing I have that sums me up. 

Including those who are playing with me: Keyboard is Deniece Foo a young leader/triple threat (i.e. dancer/singer/actor...well quadruple threat if you count /keyboardist). She was just out of college and I invited her to try out jazz. Now she directs her own show choir company Glee Studios. And then there's Meng Cham on the mandolin. You can't find samples of his performing on the web, but he's fantastic musician AND shepherd in his position of Music Pastor at Grace Assembly of God. Finally, Charles Wong on base, NUS Associate Professor (Chinese Scholar), Luthier of custom guitars, and the truest Renaissance man I know.

Transitions Seminar!

I enjoyed leading this morning focused on Transitions, and had great feedback from the ladies who came, and have put together some good notes, based on Terry Walling's Book Stuck (shown below) and Jim's synthesis of Managing Transitions, by William Bridges.

With the women, we spent 2.5 hours. In a second time with the same material, we took 4 hours. Jim did it once with the staff of an international mission group who was moving their HQ to a different country. They took two days. CRMS has DVDs of Terry teaching his version of it in a Seminar in Singapore, 2009. It's flexible. 

(I did last week in Vietnam with two couples who are planting an independent church. Jim set up this new group which started in February. I was going along to help him lead the mentoring lessons we do called Focusing Leaders Network. It turned out they also wanted drama training. That was easy. In February, I had an evening with twelve from their church, and this trip, they brought together Sunday School leaders from 10 churches to do a full day on Using Drama to Teach Children. I have a blog where over the years, I have posted up drama training notes for anyone who needs ideas.)

Monthly Monday: Transitions We all are familiar with the uncertainty that comes in times of transition. Many of us are currently in one! What is a transition? What is the pathway through the transition? How does God use the transition to shape my life and direction? How do I know when the transition is over? Based on CRM Leadership Development lessons, and Terry Walling's book STUCK! we will spend the morning looking at finding God in transitions and discovering his purposes. This perspcetive will help you surviving and navigating your next time of transition! For info about other Monthly Mondays with the Christian Connections of American Women's Association Singapore, click here. Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace given you when Jesus Christ was revealed. 1 Peter 1:15 CHRISTIAN CONNECTIONS A special interest subcommittee of the American Women's Association Singapore

        

On being an Empty Nester

One of my friends once told me,

"The most realistic goal of parenting in the teenage years was to not hurt each other so much between 15-18 that you can't mend your friendship later as adults."

Harsh. But realistic.

My youngest, still a teenager, isn't quite an adult, but getting there. He's in boarding school (yes, there's a story behind that). He and I had a sweet conversation this weekend for Mother's Day. We just talked and talked like old friends. The teacher overseeing the call told us we had to "wind it up" we were talking so long. 

Of course absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I'm sure, come summer, when we're together in California, we'll have our share of readjustments to being under the same roof. 

But, he IS maturing. And so am I. There is hope.

I miss seeing him so much that I snagged this screen capture while talking. It's a long time not being able to see him more than 6 months, between January 3 and July 10th. I try not to think about it, it makes me really sad. 

The sadness also gets mixed in with my still being mad at him. 

For Jim and I, children came later than we expected. And then those children left earlier than we'd expected making us early empty nesters. We're getting used to it, but still I feel I've been robbed of at least 3 years of having my children under my roof.

How do I deal with that mix of emotions? Humor. Before they left, I took spiteful photos of the state of my home on the days I wasn't a terrible nag. Those photos have come in handy on those days when I miss him so much.

Headed to Vietnam to Join Jim

(This was an update to Enc Inc a group of friends in Fullerton CA who keep in touch and are interested in what we're doing)

Jim leaves for Vietnam on Friday. I follow him on the 5th to stay with him and help out thru the 15th. I am so thrilled for him in the groups he has. So much potential through these men he meets with...for impacting the future of the church in Vietnam. I am always touched to see who God opens doors with for this humble man. He's trying to inspire them to get writing about the things they are learning so that as they grow, there will also be books published by Vietnamese on spiritual life and maturity. 

I will get to do a drama workshop there the 10th/11th. It's funny how these opportunities pop up from time to time, even though I don't seek them out. It's so easy for me, and they LOVE IT and LEARN so much! Last trip I did just a one evening thing with a group of 12. They were amazing!

Am also praying for a meeting to move forward with a partner on a book project for Vietnamese Christians based on the Sacred Pathways concept in Gary Thomas' book and Mrya Perrine's book that followed (after her dissertation) What's Your God Language? It's a stretch, but it's an idea that won't go away. So I'm acting on it.

The REAL LIFE drama for us recently was that March 31st Jim hurt his knee that has already been desperate for replacement. For much of April we've been assessing whether he needs to return to US immediately or if, with careful rest, it will get better enough to grit it out until our planned home assignment in mid-November. I'm happy to say we are staying put and marching forward with his planned trips. He's been telling those mentoring groups that he can't be as accommodating as previous trips...on motorcycles, up stairs, mountain paths, etc… the meetings have to come to him, cancelling the Hong Kong trip because there is TONS of walking/lugging luggage on public transportation…so, I'm really glad a decision has been made. And I'm relieved that we do not have to rush in goodbyes, or end anything abruptly.

I felt like I am on hold in some ways, just because I know we are moving back in November, and reluctant to dive in too wide relationally in Malaysia. I also don't want to wear out commuting in to Singapore multiple times a week. I get into Singapore on Mondays for meetings, and usually one or two other days. A mentoring group, who also helps me plan a monthly spiritual retreat for women. Jim's knee business had me pause even more. 

In this waiting time, I have a bit of new direction for my future: doing more writing and Speaking.  It came after 

• helping with an event where we hosted a Christian speaker/writer in January (I was underwhelmed), 
• a small speaking engagement I had in Feb for The Group.
• followed by a little sold out concert i had a 30  minute set for in march. 
• Then, there were two random exhortations that I need to be writing…specifically about one particular story. 

So, while waiting for Jim's knee to tell us whether it could get better, or needed to return to US, I started writing on one of my back burner book projects… transforming into a story a journal I kept in 2010. It was the first few months that the neighbour girl (stray child) Yi Hui started hanging out at our house.

After 4 weeks is already 130pages! It's really amazing to me how much happier and energetic I am when working on a creative project.

Save the Trees

The large seeds, nearly the size of golf balls had dropped from to the ground after a heat wave. This was followed by a few good days of heavy rain. All around on the ground many of these seeds had managed to take root and new trees were growing up among dozens of other lifeless seeds. "How is it," I wondered again, "that some take root and others don’t?"

The hired gardeners for this neighborhood come every few weeks with their weed whackers. They comb the earth and hack at anything that is more than an inch from the ground.

Grass.

Weeds.

Seedling trees.

It was only a matter of time before these young plants would get destroyed.

Walking my dog Jack I decided one day this week to rescue a few of these seedlings. So I took along a plastic bag and a trowel for our walk. I looked around for the strongest most mature seedlings.

It turned out to have been a bad day to have forgotten insect repellant. Hungry mosquitoes were a nuisance, and hundreds of ants crawled up my feet and into my pant legs. They were all making me their breakfast. I gave up my rescue operation after about 15 minutes with only seven seedlings and just as many squashed and bloody mosquito bites. These plants, no taller than my hand, and their bulbs with at least a three inch  taproot, had been rescued. They had been rooted out and carried with me back to the safety of my rooftop garden.

I put each of them in some water and then later placed them in some well composted soil. I am eager to see if they survive. It’s strangely thrilling to imagine where they might eventually thrive.

This morning I was better prepared for my mission. I was covered with insect repellant and got an earlier start to avoid the heat.

A short walk from my house, where the seedlings has been most plentiful, I soon discovered the tragedy.

The gardeners had been there only a few hours before me. Perhaps it was yesterday as the cuttings were fresh. They had come sometime since yesterday morning anyway. All of those dozens of small seedling trees I had seen earlier this week were gone. Hacked down with the tall grass.

Disheartened, I decided to make a search for broken stems. I looked among the grass and cuttings for bits of the young leaves that were lying on the ground. This way I might find the bulbs with their strong taproots, and still save some.

I searched and found one bulb, then two.

The mosquitoes left me alone today, swarming still, but only hovering near my repellant sprayed skin; never alighting. Scanning. Scanning. Carefully looking for more bulbs to save.

But I was having a difficult time finding any. I sat down on the ground under a large tree, where I saw some young broken leaves. The ants also left me alone today as I ran my hand along the grass cuttings and uneven ground hoping to come across a broken stem or bulb.

I found another two and gave up. Even if I found more, I reasoned, they probably would not survive after the trauma of the week whacker.

I called to the dog, who had been lounging in the grass and panting after chasing a few birds and enjoying the freedom beyond our front gate. He ran quickly to me knowing a treat was in my pocket. I grabbed his leash and picked up my bag of brokenness and my trowel.

No sooner had we started off for home, than I noticed a multitude of seeds lying around a nearby tree. Some were fresh and green, others had blackened skins their bottoms nestling into the earth. None had taken root yet.

It occurred to me that these might be the best to collect. To save.

They hadn’t sprouted yet.

They hadn’t been damaged either.

They were certainly in the wrong place to ever hope to become a mature tree. At some point these seeds which might soon begin to sprout, would eventually become the victim of next month’s weed whacker. In a matter of time any of these seeds which might manage to sprout, will get cut down like the older seedling siblings I had been routing around for earlier.

As I picked up more than two dozen seeds, it was all somehow symbolic to me.

This way it was easy. No digging, no roots to be broken. No chance of transplanting shock.

The seeds could come back with me and find a safer place to be nurtured and sprout.

As I walked back I thought of the children of the world in places where they are targets of human trafficking. I thought of all the passion that people of this generation have for, and their mission of rescuing young people who are in horrible places and forced to do horrible things.

I thought about the long term lack of success these rescue operations experience. The trauma and psychological damage done to the human seedlings who had begun to sprout in those dangerous places is devastating. The chance of lasting change from a permanent transplant to a safer life is very slim.

It’s not just a matter of going out and taking these kids away from their place of slavery. So many of them, after a rescue, and nurture, and counseling, and skills training, end up going back to the place of bondage instead of making a healthy life in a safer less dangerous place.

In Thailand. In China. In Ukraine. In Moldova. In the Philippines. In Romania. In Nepal…everywhere this is happening.

And I thought of those who are called to work with younger children. Those who are giving education, or housing to the orphans who might have eventually been victims of trafficking? These kids are like the multiple seeds on the ground. They have not taken root in the awful life of slavery. They have had the trauma of falling from the parent tree, but have not yet experienced the hacking off of their youthfulness. They are easier to rescue. There are no roots to dig out. Their tender broken stems won’t get crushed even more in my bag in the process of trying to take them back to safety.

It’s certainly not as interesting to pick a bunch of seeds up off the ground as it is to dig out the seedlings. There’s no drama. It’s a bit more boring, and will take more mundane nurture to see them sprout.

But I’ll bet in the end, years from today, there will be more healthy trees because I rescued the young ones before they’d sprouted, taken root, or gotten wacked.

I’m certainly not saying that rescuing trafficked slaves is a useless enterprise. My insight from the seeds today is that we should ramp up our efforts in pre-empting the slavery.

We’ll have more flourishing forests of strong adults if we give even more attention to  gathering up the lost seeds and nurturing them before they are broken.

Time will tell if I am wrong about this.

WE CAN DO SOMETHING! be a modern abolitionist

Made a blog for my friend yesterday. Activist Angel Corrigan is building an English library for a school in Nepal. Students have been rescued from sex trafficking. We CAN do be modern abolitionists by supporting the on the ground workers who are helping these kids!

Check it out from this link.

March Folk Hymns Concert (March 15th). Script

All the Way My Savior Leads Me When my big boys were little guys, I would often sing these old Folk Hymns to them at bedtime. Just like my mom used to do when I was small. They’re grown now. 21 and 17. But even now I’ll just bet you, they wouldn’t mind me singing them to sleep. On occasion… Rarely. Well, probably just to humor me. They’re good boys. This is such an important memory for me of singing these old time songs, or having them sung to me by mom… in the dark after getting tucked in and feeling safe. There are 25 minutes left of this simple concert tonight. I hope you won't think of it as silly, but I want to wrap up this little concert and sing for you as if…well, as if I’m your momma; especially if you didn't come from a loving family, or a family with the sweet bedtime ritual of lullabies. That experience is something you should not have missed out on, and I’m sorry for that. I want to make up for it tonight. I want to invite you to remember what it felt like to be small and enjoy these next few songs as a child might, or with a child’s heart. Soften a little. Relax. Forget the worries and airs you have as a grown up. Let me sing for you and let you feel safe.

Listed below are the other hymns in the set. Interested in the recordings? I have some sweet recordings of these songs from rehearsals with Meng Cham. 

Send me a private message and I'll email you what you want. Or find them on dropbox here.

Savior Like a Shepherd Lead Us

Savior Like a Shepherd Lead Us was originally written for children, but it ended up being loved by adults. I’ll bet you will find it in nearly every 19^th and 20^th century hymnal around the English speaking world.
 There’s even a true story from the civil war in US about a Union soldier who started singing it when a confederate soldier was going to shoot him. Because the confederate soldier’s mother had sung it to him as a child, he didn’t have the heart to shoot. Years later, when attending a revival meeting, that old confederate soldier heard the soloist Ira Sankey sing it. Afterward he asked Ira if and where he had served in the Civil War. It turned out that Ira Sankey was the singing soldier and this song had saved life!

Tell Me Why

This next song is so old and traditional that no one knows who originally wrote it. But I fell in love with it in the early 90’s when Sesame Street produced an album called “For Our Children” with old rockers singing various tracks. Billy Joel, Little Richard, Bette Midler. It was Hit Me With Your Best Shot Pat Benetar who had sung this sweet song. Here’s Tell Me Why:

I Need Thee Every Hour

In 1872, a housewife, Annie Hawks, is said to have come up with these next lyrics while she was doing her chores around the house. Thank goodness she wrote them down and Robert Lowry, who was quite prolific at hymnwriting and an influential music educator, learned of it and wrote the music. I’d love to tell you more about Robert Lowry. He is credited for writing the earlier song Savior Like a Shepherd Lead us, and one much more famous: “Just as I Am” But that’s not what’s on the program. This one is.

Jesus Paid it All

We’re going to switch it up here for one song, and get a little countrified on you. Once I started looking over all the choices of the old folk hymns, it was hard to come up with a short list for you. I had forgotten about many of them, but this one brought back happy memories from childhood, so it made the cut.

Softly & Tenderly

And now we’ve come to my last one to close out this Folk Hyms evening organized & curated by Dawn Fung. Thank you Dawn for your vision and putting it together for us! And the Artistry staff. Thank you for serving us. And you all too. Thank you for coming tonight. It was such a treat to sing for you. Here’s one last song for the night.