Wrote this a couple weeks ago, just getting it up now...
It's rather humiliating to be months at trying to get my act together and not having a good excuse for not functioning up to par. (a GOOD excuse would be like a terminal illness or something other than "I'm just tired after moving so much, I don't have a car and don't know my way around the neighborhood yet, plus...I'm not used to physical labor in tropical heat")
Anyway, we'll get through this. God has allowed me to be this way. I was thinking a few weeks ago that when I was in my super-got-it-all-together-30's in California, I was EFFICIENT and GIFTED. But I was not EMPATHETIC. My experiences of weakness, being LAME. DISORGANIZED and WIMPY has made me much more sensitive. There was great room for improvement in my sensitivity, so I believe that's part of why I'm in the current situation!
The Lord keeps reminding me that I'm a perfectionist who wants Eden (Heaven) NOW. I may not be doing everything well, but we'll survive no, we'll get through this season. PLUS I'm in constant communion with the Lord in prayer, the students, both at TCA and at ICS have loved what they're learning and experiencing even if I've felt unprepared and behind in planning. The Creasman boys are happy. No one's ready to fire me from any of my roles (yet!..though I have resigned from being a 6th grade room mom!).
I may be humiliated, but I'm submitted to this season of weakness to let God do what he needs to do in me. With me. Suffering produces perseverance, Perseverance character and character HOPE. Hope is coming.
I'm still getting to do some things that I love at least some of the time and find time every week to spend time with people I have come to love here, and even making some new friends along the way too.
If you can relate...I hope you'll take heart in your current situation! These seasons never last forever...
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