Our Stories of Infertility and Adoption

I recently submitted the article below for a book that will be published in Singapore later this year.

We were married June 1985 and were infertility patients for approx. 5 years. We saw a specialist for 2 years. We now have 2 children.

Tyler, our 1st child is our biological son conceived thru IUI, born January 1993 (after 7 ½ years married). Our second is Cameron our bi-racial son adopted 4 years later, December 1996, through Bethany Child Services in USA through private adoption.

Our Story
It was 1996 and our first child, Tyler was turning three. We’d been through the ups and downs heartaches of five years of infertility the first time around, it was an emotional roller coaster we didn’t want to get on again. Starting on another journey of infertility treatments was too much of a gamble. We would surely spend too much money and emotional energy on the process and still not have any success in conceiving and delivering a second child.

Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” The desire of our hearts was to have a second child, and that our first child, Tyler, grow up with the blessing of a sibling. We had always prayed through our years of infertility, “God grant us the desires of our hearts, and if our dreams are not in your plans for us, please change those desires.” So, again we put our faith in Scripture. We focused our hearts and minds on delighting in the Lord, and we were confident that he would, in His way, satisfy our desires.

Another thing we were sure about was that there are many unwanted pregnancies and orphans in the world. We have strong convictions about abortion and caring for underprivileged. It was not a difficult decision for us to begin the procedures to adopt our second child.

Toward the end of 1996 we drafted and sent a letter to the Heath Clinics of all the Christian Colleges in USA, and hired an adoption attorney. We also had registered with a private agency working with women in crisis pregnancies. What follows is an excerpt from the letter we wrote to introduce ourselves to women who were considering giving their baby up for adoption.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purposes in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:28

For our first 7 years of marriage we were eager to be parents. We wondered why God was not granting us the desire of our hearts. Month after month we worked with an infertility doctor. It was a time of disappointment and discouragement, but we had confidence that God always knows what is best. Finally God answered “yes” just before Mother’s Day in 1992.

Four months into our long awaited pregnancy, Jim’s father was diagnosed with terminal cancer that would quickly take his life. Through Dad’s last months of pain and discomfort, God, with perfect timing, had provided a great source of joy: his first grandchild. We hadn’t known through the years of waiting for a child, that God’s timing would be perfect for us. Rarely this side of heaven do we get answers to our questions of why God is slow to answer or silent. In this situation, he was gracious to show us his reasons for answering “wait.” As a newborn baby, our son Tyler was still small enough to be held safely in grandpa’s weak arms in the few months before he died.

Now, here we are, four years later. This little Tyler prays every night that God would give him a baby brother or sister; the desire of our three hearts. Being parents has been the greatest experience of our lives and yet our infertility problems have worsened. Wherever you are, you are reading our letter because you are wondering what the future holds for you and the child you are carrying.

God is a good God, and he cares so much for you, for us, and for your baby. Our prayers are with you as you make these important decisions in the days to come.

With hope for a bright future,

The Creasmans
Jim, Kimberly & Tyler

Two months later, our Christmas cards were delayed in the sending. Here’s the letter we sent out with our cards a few weeks after Christmas:

January 13, 1997

In late August, when we decided to pursue a domestic adoption, we began praying that it would come together quickly; specifically, that a birthmother would choose us by Christmas, December 25th, and that a baby would be in our home early in 1997. Not that God needed a date, but we thought it couldn’t hurt to let him know our desires….

We left December 3rd for a two week mission trip to Asia (we were exploring options for serving in Singapore and Indonesia). We had not been able to finish all of the adoption application paperwork, or the required home study. Never-the-less, while in Indonesia, we received a fax from the agency to which we were applying for adoption. They were notifying us that a birthmother had chosen us. She was due December 25th. “Are you interested?” We faxed back, “YES!”

The day after we arrived back to LA, we learned that the baby had been born early (December 14th). In a whirlwind of meetings, a rush of paperwork, and a fog of jet lag we decided that this 6 pound, 11 ounce baby boy was the answer to our prayers. Only 5 days after arriving home, he was our son! We brought him to church the day he was adopted, and our first week back from the trip. Some people thought that the pastor had brought a baby back as a souvenir! We washed all of Tyler’s newborn clothes with the laundry from our trip!

We are still stunned at how quickly this has happened, yet it is exactly what we prayed for! What a wonder-filled Christmas to hold our adopted newborn while worshipping the newborn Jesus. He came so that we might have the opportunity to be adopted as His children. We thank God for his goodness and have great confidence that He brought Cameron into our family.

More than 7 years down the road now, we thank God everyday for the joy and challenge of raising our boys. We continue to pray whether God would want us to adopt again (though we’re not getting any younger!). There is nothing in life that gives us such a clear picture of our heavenly father’s love for us than being parents. There is nothing better to help us understand and share with others the wonder of being adopted as heirs of God’s kingdom.

Our prayer for you would be that God would deepen your love for, and trust in him as you wait for him to fulfill the longing of your hearts. May He grow in all of us a yearning for him as deep and passionate as our longing to have children. May he strengthen your character and deepen your compassion for others who hurt as you walk this part of your journey.

SOUP CENTRAL Mmmm!

2002 This has been blown up poster size on a few Soup Central locations downtown.


2002 Cameron poses for pictures to use on the wall of a fast food soup restaurant (see his smashed thumb?)

Singapore: We Love This City!

Singapore's Financial District from Esplanade roof


Boat Quay from the Equinox - atop the Swisshotel


2003 A view from the Esplanade Performing Arts Centre: the big Fullerton Hotel (white bldg) and the financial district downtown.

O for Oh No!

Ohh dear. Just before I fell out of the O at the entrance to Disney's Calfornia Adventure.

Photo: Doheny Beach June 2004

All the Creasmans & Coventons. Doheny Beach, June 2004 

Mother's Day 2004

ALWAYS


(this is the song I sang for the Standard Chartered Bank commercial)

Mother's day was sweet here. Started with wrestling in bed (forget breakfast when you have 2 boys) and after church, spent time looking at pictures. We missed our moms... so a little blue, but excited about our trip to USA next month.

I always have deep heartache when they make a fuss over moms at church...I refuse to stand up. My little protest on behalf of all the single and childless wanna-be mother's who are hurting that day...I'm weird...but it's my conviction.

My mother always commanded us to NOT make a fuss over her on Mother's Day. She thought it was a commercial plot from Hallmark...said, "LOVE ME WELL the rest of the year and you don't have to make a special day for me to assuage your guilt for how you've neglected and taken me for granted!" My mom's a piece of work. I love her!

Kids are in the middle of exams...Chinese tomorrow. We've really been enjoying our kids these last few months. They are fun little terrors. So different, but they love each other. I've tricked them into extending the years they want to come in and snuggle with mom and dad in the morning: I bought a down comforter and exquisitely fluffy down pillows (even though we live in the tropics- we sleep in air conditioning!). It is so cozy they come in every morning...

Unusual Easter Weekend

Skipping school for a birthday party.

Maundy Thursday started with a 75th Birthday Party, for MICKEY MOUSE. The kids were on the local news that night, though we didn't catch it (one of Ty's friends did and called to say "NOW I know why you left school early!!!" Tyler had refused to tell his friends where he was going. He just said, "I have an appointment!")

Thursday night we had lamb ke-bobs, roti prata (flat indian bread) and grape juice in wine glasses for dinner. Tyler read the Scriptures; Cameron got food all over his clothes; and I snuck away after their bedtime to see a 9:00 showing of The Passion...where I DIDN'T cry. I could'nt for amazement. I was just so overwhelmed and thrilled as I watched: "This is being shown in the Middle East??? Muslims are hearing this by the hundreds?" Who would have ever thought that the Gospel would be preached freely and profoundly in Saudi Arabia and Kuwait because of Mel Gibson's personal spiritual awakening? I am astounded at what God is doing through this film.


Good Friday, April 2004: Tyler's first stage performance, my first time adapting a script for Singapore and directing a show for our church Grace Assembly of God. TRAVELING LIGHT.

Friday we were at church from 12 to 10! One of Ty's friends, Thomas, joined him all day at church and Loonni and Cameron came to see both shows. Tyler did a great job! He was really cute as a Singapore road worker...changing the street signs for different scenes. Lots of wonderful feedback. Glad to have done it.

April No Fooling

Our 7 year old, Cameron, came in crying from the playground last night. Only minutes before we were heading out for dinner at the mall and Scooby Doo 2 for "family night."

My tough-high-pain-tolerance-tank-of-a-kid crying hard. "Mommy! Mommyyyy." The I want you to hold me kind of crying.

He said he'd fallen off the top of the slide and landed on the back of his left shoulder. He had movement in his fingers, and mobility in his arm, and it wasn't hanging there like a dislocation...so we gave him some children's tylenol and headed off to the mall!
He was still nursing the arm and holding it to his chest at 9, so we went straight to our neighborhood clinic Dr. Tan - who has 2 girls the same ages as TY & Cam. He was just pulling out of the drive, but when he saw us he stopped, and took us back into his clinic to have a look. He did the same things I did and then suggested we, just for safety, take him for an x-ray. It could be slightly dislocated - and only an xray would show that...

Well, a trip to the Emergency Room at Singapore's Children's Hospital later, and a few jokes that if this were an April Fool, he was doing an amazing acting job; he had a very LATE night for a school boy. He's staying home today with his arm in a sling.

Cameron's shoulder is not broken or slightly dislocated...just sprained. The doctor says, "NO PE for a week." Cameron says, "Even gymnastics?" the Dr. laughed "Especially NOT gymnastics!"

I'll take him back for a re-check with an orthopeadic Doctor next Tuesday afternoon before my final dress rehearsal. Jim will be leaving for his trip to China that day...

Just another day in our mundane lives.

My Little Goofy, with his Favourite Character

2004 April: Cameron with his favourite character GOOFY at Mickey's 75th Birthday Party in SIngapore.

Cameron's teacher wanted to meet with me. She had some concerns. Uh, oh.
Then when I meet with her she tells me what last year's teacher said when I talked to her: he's a great kid in class, pays attention, and is very sweet and obedient. Still, why does he score 10/40 in both English and Math last week?
His Chinese was about the same.

She wondered if perhaps its because of big brother Tyler doing so well in school, or???? She wanted to know how things were at home with him. His sense of support or self-esteem. She didn't know that I'd asked to speak with the remedial teacher last year and spoke with the school's consulting psychologist and had Karen living with us last month for 9 days observing him (all of us)....

We talked for awhile and in the end felt like perhaps it comes down to his being a kinesthetic learner, younger than most of his classmates, and not paying attention well to reading the questions on the test. I told her about his thinking his teachers are little godesses and she ought to take advantage of that in encouraging him to write neatly etc. He really wants to please her! She sounded confident that he has a great support system at home and I got the confidence that she really cared about him and would do what she could to help him in class.


April 2003 What happens when Cameron is sent to time-out and discovers that baby powder makes good white-face.

It's Such a Hardship When Your Staff Meetings Have to Be on a Tropical Island...

Asia Coaches - CRM Asia Conference...not bad eh?

Just Back from Batam this afternoon. We had 2 queen beds (no sleeping on the floor) and the boys had A BLAST!!! A week of outdoor adventures, swimming and scouting around for little boys while parents had meetings! This all with other little boys who they get to see at least once a year the past number of years. Cameron and Tyler are very independent in this place with these people - off on their own before we're ready to join them for breakfast, etc..Cameron said one day, "Mom, I'm sorry I'm ignoring you so much, but I get to see you all the time. These guys here I only see once a year...I hope you understand...I still love you..." What a charmer.

It's a Very relaxed beautiful tropical atmosphere where we have some fun and learning and lots of good food.

This week Mike and Katie Crow brought their SWEET older boys along - in late teens, early 20's and those big boys were 4 years apart - I kept looking at them and thinking what Tyler and Cameron will be like in another 10 years....


KC loves JC: How can I be anything but happy with such a great guy?

My 42nd birthday

42nd Birthday! 

My quiet birthday was nice. Kids both had used their own money to buy me a
present that was pretty surprising. A first.

In the evening I had a rehearsal for our upcoming Easter production. When it was coming to an end one of the gals husband (the couple JIm and I did the wedding for) came in, in front of everyone there, and gave her a bouquet...I said, "sweet! what's the occassion?" She smiled and said, "Your birthday" and handed them to me. Pretty dear.

I also got 1AM call from Cynthi Knight in Arizona! Her anniverswary is the 23rd so she remembered. I didn't care that she remembered when I was sleeping! How nice that I have a friend who calls me on the other side of the world!

I feel like most of my days are spent regrouping from the piles that gathered from last year's busy-ness and helping the kids pass school exams. Started reading a new book: Sacred Pathways-Discovering Your Soul's Path God. Helping me to explore beyond Cognative Left Brain patterns of worship, and relating to God. That is about the only style I've really ever known - or thought was acceptable (and is actually so WRONG for how he made me).

Kids had a day off after the big sports meet for the school this morning. Once it was over at 10:30 I had a houseful of little boys. I made them all shower (As they get older they start to get stinky). I made out some slips with numbers then they drew who would go in which order. Then had them ring the service bell i have on our stairs when they were done. We made a race of it: 5 boys showered in 13 minutes!!! That must be some kind of record!

Myopic Tyler

oh no! i got glasses!

Yep, Tyler needs glasses. Got them Sunday. He only wears them in the classes where he's having trouble reading the writing on the board.
A result of highrise living in the computer, playstation and gameboy age and not enough getting outdoors to play baseball... Even with limiting TV and electronic game time, he's become nearsighted...

What I'm Learning About Me

.written to Ardath Smith

Our time the last 2 weeks with Karen has been so healing that I've told Jim I think I need a new name. After all the things I've learned about myself and the realization in a deeper way how God truly loves me the way he made me. I want to fill you in a little before the next time we talk.

I realized in the last few weeks that though I've always been able to genuinely encourage others about God's unfailing love and acceptance of them, I haven't offered that same encouragement to the gal I see in the mirror. (Bless my dear family -and husband- who until recently I thought of as "all good-which means I'm all bad." They really love me, but they were young and are all pretty non-emotional left brain types who ganged up on to tease and criticize me, and tell me to simply "get ahold of myself" when I was moody and feeling deeply about things).

I've spent a good part of my compliant life as a strange wild artsy type trying to reconcile Me with the models for being a good Christian woman I saw all around me. Though since puberty I've read and tried to be Anne Ortland, or Joyce Landorff, or Emily Barnes or or Cynthia Heald. God did not intend for me to be them. But I just didn't know it, or know that I truly had other options. I do know this is what has drawn me to you - you BEAUTIFUL unique spiritual creature! You have mystified me!

So, for all these years I've been reigning in the deepest parts of my heart. I've been trying to put that weird wild creature on the altar with memorized verses about "not conforming to the world, but being transformed as a living sacrifice holy and pleasing to God."

I've always wanted to be pleasing to God! And from what I was learning about the world around me, I couldn't do that unless I changed who I was. And Scripture seemed to support this notion.

My whole life, I've been interpretting that and all the other verses about "to live is Christ," or "be perfect" by trying to be the idea of what a "Christian woman" is supposed to be: A stereotype ingrained by the evangelical conservative family I grew up in (my mom is superwoman, super-servant, and now is -appropriately- the Women's Ministries Director of her mega-church). Reinforced by the college I attended (Biola a bastion of conforming Christianity). And sealed by the role I married into as a pastor's wife (in a "don't rock the boat" male dominated conservative church where we served for 12 years).

Trouble is, while truly honestly trying to "live my life for Jesus" I'd been suffering a slow death from repression and trying to get my life under control, in essence: stuffing my God-created passionate personality. My creative flair has obviously not been entirely squelched--you can clearly see her manifestations in the arenas where she can be safely wild and passionate: my motherhood and my work in theatre. But outside of these two safe arenas, no one who knows me would deny that I have learned how to "behave." I have (sadly) become a competant, capable, mature Christian woman and have learned to care for and relate to others in thoroughly appropriate and acceptable ways. I've learned a fine art of figuring people out and be for them what they expect me to be. It was when we had our troubles with our teammates here and in our NOT being able to figure out how to be what they wanted us to be - the stress from that began to show in troubling physical and psychological symptoms.

Over the last 20 years, since we began dating, I've experienced unexplainable jealous anger that would occassionally bubble up and be aimed at Jim or other men, or an inner disdain for women who did fit the mold. Now I know that it came from the buried feelings of being a hopeless failure, not knowing what I want to do or be 'cause my options were unattractive or I messed things up, not trusting or believing that God is good to me (he IS good to others, but I don't deserve his goodness), wishing I fit in as easily as Jim does in the circles life has placed us, and trying to stuff my uniqueness all these years.

I've had no trouble identifying with Paul, "for me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." 'Cause really, I was already dead deep inside, and heaven was a hopeful alternative to my joyless existence.

Karen asked me what I was afraid of if I were to "let go" and I was embarassed to say what I felt and saw - If I were to let go, I would start crying and never stop.

No, worse than that. If I were to let go, the roof would blow off this muti-storey cement apartment building and we'd all be buried alive in heaps of rubble. If I were to let go, and let my heart free, the earth would explode from its core and we will all die! She laughed and asked Jim who was going to tell me that I didn't have that kind of power. Of course.

But what could such strong images and fears mean?

The past few weeks have ignited the fuse to begin exploding my long-ago planted, ingrained, blossomed and root-bound notions of who I'm supposed to be. I've got to go demolish the hopeless idea that God wants me to "get myself under control" to be acceptable. I have to go back and start on a path of hope for finding out who this bizarre and beautiful creature God made me to be. So that THEN I can put her on the altar to burn up for Him!


April 2003 Discovering the Orchid Garden with Ardath Smith

Tyler's Worship

Had a touching talk with Tyler at bedtime. He reluctantly told me about how he began to cry in children's church while singing - he couldn't understand what had come over him, was embarassed by his tears, but he felt close to God. He's been wrestling with Biblical ideas of Heaven and Hell (more specifically friends who may not accept Jesus as their saviour and Lord and are doomed!), He's seen alot of suffering in the world, and wonders how God could be just, merciful, all-powerful and loving (which is also news we get from the Bible) with all the messes that are in this world...and on top of that - we've just got these small brains to figure Him out from the Bible and the sense of his presence that we can only feel....

So, God just loved him this morning with an "I'm present" reminder of his love and that his brain is bigger (much bigger) than ours!

He went to sleep imagining himself like a flea...How could he, if he were God explain to a flea the ideas of happiness, or saving money, or traveling to USA, or .... the flea just wouldn't get it!

It's the Year of the Monkey

It's the year of the Monkey!

We are all enjoying a couple of free days. Yesterday was the beginning of the Chinese New Year.

On a whim, cameron wore a Kung Fu outfit and china-man hat with the ponytail in back to school on Wednesday when they only had a 2 hour day and suggested that all the children wear red - he ended up winning a cash prize for the best dressed boy in the school! He was so proud of himself! "I had to go up in front mom! And not just in front of my class...THE WHOLE SCHOOL!" Tyler said he led the crowd in cheering the loudest for Cameron. They were both very cute about it.

Cameron dresses up for Chinese New Year 

On New Year's eve we went as a family to see CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN and laughed our heads off. That family is so much like how the Lassiters live (only with a few less kids) it made us remember fondly our visit last month. Except for fast food and cinema, most shops are closed since Wednsday afternoon, and some will stay closed through Saturday.

When we got back from Malaysia we caught a bad cold from Loonni! She feels really bad about it! First Cameron then Jim, Kimberly, and it looks like Tyler has the strongest immune system - he was feeling a bit of the sore throat last night, but felt fine in the morning. It wiped Jim and I out for a couple of days but we're only a bit foggy headed and coughing a little today.

On the afternoon of New Years (Wed), when all of the Chinese world is preparing their family feasts and cleaning their houses (sweep out all the bad to start with a "clean slate"), I thought I'd join in the spirit and not wait 'til Valentines to put away Christmas (like I'd threatened). Cameron, Loonni and one of the boys' friends pitched in. It was a fairly painless few hours...though we have to admit, we've only opened about 1/10th of our Christmas cards. That I've told the family I'd like to do together, so we'll probably finish in time for our visit to USA in June!

My old guitar was still at Mom & Dad's! Guests coming thru on Tyler's 11th birthday brought my old 3/4 sized guitar. Thanks 2 mom and dad and the Grimes for making it such a sweet surprise!

The kids are enjoying their birthday and Christmas toys and making some real strides in their music. The 3/4 sized guitar is a big hit. As he learns various notes on the stav, I'm putting little stickers on the correct fret on the guitar. He learned his second song today. SO now he can play a duet with me and one with Cameron. They both are happy campers.

HIT IT! Ready for a New Year

Last week i told jim that since Christmas 1996 i've jump started my new years feeling like an unprepared water skier. That was the year when we adopted Cameron with three days notice, at the same time we were making decisions about where we'd move overseas to serve as missionaries - which we did only 5 months later!

Unprepared water skiier? Yes. This is how I've started the last 7 years: rushing from the campsite, where I didn't sleep well the night before, my life vest is fastened askew, I somehow have ahold of the bar, but I haven't got the skis on nor have I gotten myself centered and crouched over them. Before I know it, Someone else yells "HIT IT!!!" and I find myself getting dragged (flown) thru the year at high speed clutching the line for dear life wondering if I should keep hanging on, or give up and let go, and sink to the bottom of the river!

This year, 2004, it was wonderful, I was prepared! I had read up on waterskiing, worked out a bit before the trip, well suited life vest on, I got both of the skis on in the shallow water, I was carefully crouched, and I, KIMBERLY was the one who called out "HIT IT!"

I welcomed in a new year standing up, enjoying the rush of walking on water. I'm not afraid of falling (I know I will). Because I'm confident in the life vest, and secure in the strong line connected to the one who's powering the speed boat!

Jim's been reflective too. Ignoring the fact that there's a huge pile in the inbox...e-inbox mostly (I don't know how he juggles it all), but he's learning to take himself less seriously, and even "dropping the ball" here and there - something I've NEVER seen him do. But GOOD for him. He's the kind of capable person who manages to keep his ball in play while picking up others' dropped balls as well.

Since the 2nd, both kids are off to a new year at their "little" school across the street (little here is just under 1000 students). They are happy, healthy, still sweetly holding my hand as we walk to school together. Cameron, now in his 2nd year of Primary School is proud of knowing the ropes and come home each day with a report of how his new teacher thinks he's a good boy. Tyler with the rest of the 5th graders has been assigned a 1st grader to look after at recess time the first 2 weeks of school He's also signed up to help with the "buddy reading program" for slow younger readers afterschool.

For a few weeks Tyler (10) has been wanting to learn guitar. When I suggested that I teach him a few things before we commited him to a class, I got out the dusty guitar from under Jim's side of the bed, tuned it up, and played a simple Christmas carol to my stunned son. I relish these pre-pre-teen moments where he still thinks I'm the most excellent mom. He merely said, "You play the Guitar TOO?" (as if knowing C, D, and G chords means I "play"). It's been fun to teach him, see his enthusiasm, and feel that old sting on uncalloused fingertips. He just wants to know how long until he can play like Marty in BACK TO THE FUTURE.

Planning for Christmas 2 sides of the world.

Written to my inlaws Howard and Lynn after returning from visit to Atlanta and Virginia.

(Get yourself a cup of tea and sit down! This has turned out to be a long letter!)

I'm checking in this early am (can you say: JET LAG?) to let you know that the package you sent for Cameron's birthday came yestererday! I'm sorry to not have followed thru much on their wish lists for Christmas. They are so content these days that they didn't have much to say about what they want. ADDED to that, Jim and I were in over our heads in November - and couldn't get on top of everything. By God's grace we didn't let anything earth stopping fall through the cracks! Now that I'm back, our December and into 2004 is thankfully open to do more relaxing and putting around and digging ourselves out from under the piles that have grown while we were out saving the world thru Jim's conferences and my drama.

Kids are sure happy boys these days. They got up early too and we did some reading. When they got down on the floor to start playing Star Wars action figures, I made my exit to my office! Jim stayed home yesterday as we unpacked and cleared clutter - getting ready to put out the decorations and tree today. He's off soon for an early morning and full day today (he took the car!).

Before my suitcases were unpacked, Jim had me busy helping him with a Christmas mailing to all those who've made donations to our account this year, thanking them for their generosity. We sure feel loved when we look at the list of those who give. I know sometimes you've worried about this for us, and I just want you to know how confident we are in God's provision. We're not living like kings, but we are so comfortable. Very comfortable compared to many of our colleagues. So many missionaries struggle with trying to make ends meet month by month. This far, Jim and I have been very blessed to not have to have our hearts and minds constantly occupied with these concerns. We don't have to spend much time each month checking the giving to CRM in order to make life or ministry financial decisions. Still, over the 4 years we have had a few drop off for various reasons.

ON the BIRTHDAY FRONT: We're just now beginning to plan a little birthday party for Cameron this Sunday afternoon. Doing it a Singaporean style (we've participated in a time or two): Calling a couple of his little friends ahead of time, and then taking the snacks and cake downstairs to the playground to share with whoever will be playing then!

Just so you know, I DIDN'T take the boys into the District this trip. It snowed the first night in Virginia (5"!). IT started flurries on our drive home from the airport! The boys kept busy building forts and igloos and feeding the cows and playing in the Lassiters basement that had been finished the day before we arrived. I just didn't want to enjoy taking them there on my own...without daddy along... and (especially after hearing your little tale of making the pact with Walt to take this unborn grandchild to DC when he is eight!) There is the remote possibility that in the future YOU might feel up to making the trip with them...(All things are possible! I know the healing is slow, but we are praying for you to gain your strength back day by day!).

ALSO: While on our trip, I did venture to the toy store and walmart (in both Georgia and Virginia!) and came home with suitcases full of Christmas gifts. I'll sit down with Jim to sort them out, but want to tell you that I did get some sure fire winners with the boys for their birthdays and Christmas. Would you mind giving me a budget for their gifts? I do know for sure that two awesome STAR WARS board games will be from you. The boys didn't see them in the stores (they were too busy looking at the Star Wars action figures in another row) and I know that they will be excited about such a surprise. I may find a few more things in the next 2 weeks, but they really will have enough to give from both us and YOU, if we call it quits with what I've already picked up.

If it's alright with you, and you haven't made other plans, Jim and I have decided to put your Christmas budget for us toward an "i pod" for him (a little portable digital music gismo that holds thousands of songs - Jim's diversion is his music these days), and a new cell phone for me. This time I'm thinking of having it surgically attached so I can't lose it. We want to go shopping for them the next time we have a date night. I'm charging everything these days on American Express - triple points! We're going to look into using them for frequent flyer trips in May to come see you! We'll probably need to get those reservations done this month!

FOR YOU: My parents have come home with a bagfull of gifts to bring by to you two to put under your tree. Souvenirs from all our travels this year...We've sure been to a lot of places this year! We hope you'll like them.

I picked up a novel at the airport in Detroit on our way back and read it...It made me think of you two SO MUCH that I can't wait to send it to you. Have you heard of John Grisham's SKIPPING CHRISTMAS? It was a fun story I really enjoyed it, and it made me miss you two SOOOOO much!

Write when you can. We sure miss you.

The boys are begging me now to leave my cave and help them get out the fake tree and start DECORATING!

Making Props for Quest

We did find bags full of props on Cambodia...save TONS of money!!!
My house has been a disaster area for more than a week! There's so much more
that could be done, but I'm personally working at not being too stressed
about the props. Not my show. I said I'd do what I could but needed for them
to find helpers (which they didn't). Will deliver to them tomorrow what I
have, and let the production team worry about it. They all seem to be
thankful for whatever I could do (and I guess were hoping I'd pull off some
miracle without help). Mine and Jim's lessons this year is to learn to be
flexible and not to perfectionistic. We tend to both be overly responsible
for other people's irresponsibility.

Had an interview for Anne Frank on radio this morning. That was fun. Tomorrow is tech rehearsal. Wed dress.

I auditioned and then got a call back for Godspell next spring, but after
praying about it, sense that I shouldn't do it, so I've declined. Sure nice
in the times when you can clearly hear God's Spirit leading and know he has
other plans. Some seasons of life he seems silent, but I'm glad I'm not
there right now!

Eager to have Jim back, but enjoying sleeping smack in the center of the bed
for the week! He forgot his cell phone so we haven't been able to SMS back
and forth like usual, so no news is good news I guess. I know he's having a
wonderful time...just pray that Satan is kept from the meetings...he sure
doesn't want to see missionaries start cooperating and working TOGETHER, so
i bet he's trying to mess things up...

Joni Tham as Anne in SINCERELY ANNE FRANK 

Bio: Short Version

I'm nuts. I moved to Singapore just in time for the millenium after spending the first half of her life on the other side of the world (Los Angeles). As a director in Singapore, I've also worked for itheatre on SINCERLY ANNE FRANK (2003) and teamed up with Paul Seow of All Good Gifts for THE CASE OF THE MISSING BODIES. As an actor, I was seen in 2003 as Anna Maria in itheatre's LITTLE VIOLET AND THE ANGEL. Also swam for two runs of RAINBOW FISH as Starfish (2002), and 3 times appeared as a game show host, Barbie Kew, for Trinity Christian Centre's XCEPT THE XCHANGE (2001).
Currently a Tampines Tai Tai where in addition to her occassional forrays into Singapore theatre; I apply my creative flair to making ours the funnest house for all the neighborhood children, and seeing my two primary aged boys grow in wisdom and character as well as knowledge.

No Halloween Here...Except at My House, My Way!

We're having a little Pumpkin party tonight with about 10 of the boys'
school friends...
They are scheming what costumes they'll make up or borrow...there is no
Halloween here (thank goodness!)
We're going to eat American STEW and biscuits downstairs and play a few
games. Then we'll go "trick or treating" to the homes of the boys who've
come...
I'm praying today for inspiration to teach them spiritual lessons through
the games. Last year I told them a "spooky story" about the evil prince who
wanted to overthrow the king, and hates all human children, and how the king
threw him and all his soldiers out of his kingdom, but they are still
working against the king trying to mess things up here on earth. You
should've seen their eyes! Finally one little boy says, "I get it! It's
supposed to be the Devil right?!"

Photos of Cambodia

Diamond Ensemble exercise 

Mirror Exercise 

Teaching drama at a chicken farm. 

THAILAND Vacation + what's on this week

GREAT TIME Soaking in the beauty and relaxing! The beach pictures were just one afternoon we took a boat ride to a nearby island then rode back in a THUNDERSTORM!!!


Cameron, Reuel, & Tyler's boat ride in Thailand 

We haven't met our maid Loonni's son. He lives a 15 hour bus ride from where we were. This little boy in the picture is a Singaporean neighbor friend from our first year here (the only little boy who's mom would let him come to play!). He and his sweet family moved to Bangkok at the end of our first year here but we've kept in touch and his parents let him miss 2 days of school to go with us to the beach. Praying for them...they were missionaries with a church here and got pretty burned. They've still not settled in a church in Bangkok, and sounded like they are not really looking right now...

Our Helper Loonni Worships in her own language.
We let her go on her own with our friends there...They are VERY sensitive and clever about indigenizing worship to fit the culture, so she was amazed how "ISAN" the worship felt to here. And, by her going with out us, this way she was the center of attention (and not us). She was asked to share her testimony. Which was really good for her to do. She and I talked about it for an hour the next morning. I'm sure she'll be telling her friends at church here about it this afternoon!

We'll be stuffing newsletters to send home this week :-) Always fun to put it together and send it to the printer, but SO glad for Loonni to help us with the folding and stamping and stuffing!

Helping Cameron prepare for 3 days of exams this week (he's SIX!)

Planning a week of drama training in Cambodia with mostly youth (three groups - one a christian arts ministry and the other church plants one in the city and one in a village). Studying Cambodian culture, and praying about what would work best cross culturally. Picking what themes and what aspects of drama to cover. Hoping and praying I can connect with a team from our church that is going to another church in Cambodia do a similar thing the week before I go with 5 others from other churches! Ah isn't God amazing how he orchestrates our lives and if we just listen, the harmonies are so beautiful!

I had a HEART OF THE ARTIST retreat last Thursday evening which was our second time together and only one woman was the same as the first group. There are a half dozen or so single women, actors, who have separately mentioned they'd like to get together for lunch soon, so I need wisdom in knowing who to call and what God has in mind...

We're going to expand ANNE FRANK to 55 minutes (from 35) for the stage in November, so need to start planning what technically and script-wise we need to do to make the show more theatrical and meaningful. The reason my heart is involved in the project spiritually is that I believe that God can use the story to convict our young audiences about the depravity of man...when so many want to believe that man is basically GOOD, this is evidence that we are rotten at the core...But need to do it in a way that isn't "religious," and let God's Spirit take over from the impact of the show...So, I need His inspiration.

"He's Been Faithful"...Singing for Worship + + +

I sang in church!

I do think that the service was really special, and it was really great to be a part of God's Spirit ministering to people in the congregation through our voices. For the two years we've attended this church I've helped the drama ministry a little bit (Got to direct a sketch last year, and 3 from the church were in MISSING BODIES cast, some of them have been in workshops, I had to even say "no" about being involved in helping produce their Christmas drama this year, which was quite an honor to be asked, but wrong timing for me to jump in on the project...).

A few months back I met for lunch with the drama leader and the Creative Arts pastor. That's when the "secret" got out that I'm able to sing. I told them about the Bank commercial/song and being invited to sing in the 3 Men and a Boot concert. I didn't mention that I thought it was very sad and strange that my homosexual anti-God friends have gotten to know me faster than people in the Creative Arts Ministry of my church. In fact the first time I had a meal with someone from the Creative Arts ministry I was desperatly lonely (probably a certifiable nut case) and that person said, "Oh, now that we know you're here for awhile, we'll have to figure out how to use you." Now, I'm sure it was an innocent statement with no intention to hurt, but I allowed Satan to twist it in my heart to mean "YOU'RE not worth getting to know, as a person, and I'm kind of threatened by you, but I'd sure like to 'USE' you for what you can do to help me." Wow. It really hurt at the time, but God has healed that hurt and used those circumstances to confirm his work for me here in Singapore.

Anyhow, I can no longer be just a bench warmer every week at church. I believe they are supportive of my time being mostly invested in connecting with Christian and non-Christian dramatists beyond our local church, so I don't feel pressured to and guilty that I can't spend my weekends singing with the choir.

Oh how I much prefer singing when the lights are off on in the house and I can't see the audiences faces (reactions) to me! It's less intimidating to sing "in character" in a spotlight, than to be myself up there...Even though Rolling Hills Covenant Church is so much bigger a church, I didn't ever have that feeling there, or the church I grew up in, since it was always like singing for family and friends :-)

Given we have so few we can call "friends" at church (the couple from our last newsletter who were recently married have been so sweet to us!), and I'm so obviously a white lady in a sea of Asian faces (and don't ever want to come off high and mighty as "the foreign expert"), I was feeling a bit more "scrutinized," and downright scared to sing! But, the choir was warm and friendly to me in the practices, someone gave me a "Creative Arts Ministry" t-shirt, and once I survived the first service without messing up the words (or passing out!), God really worked to heal my heart about all this past baggage and made me feel "a part" of this congregation instead of still a visitor after 2 years attending.

This experience from the past 2 years has really shown the light for us on how newcomers to churches can get really lost and struggle with meeting people. With James and I solid followers of Jesus and are really committed to the local church I think how much harder for many people finding their way back to church, or trying out God for the first time...They are a little nervous about it, wondering what God might be doing in their lives. Surely they find it intimidating and easy to be invisible. They are not necessarily going to know how to get involved in the body life of a large church.

Our church here has what I've called "the gauntlet" of ushers at the main door to greet you when you come in. Which is great to have people so friendly and warm, I mean REALLY friendly! But combined with my depression and lonliness the first couple of years, and an inability to find anyone at church we could get past "hello. God bless you. nice to meet you. hallelujah." with, this "gauntlet" felt so shallow and fake to me. I dreaded it as a necessary evil to endure in order to enter the worship service. See I told you, I'm a certifieable nut case! But one who can now identify with all the rest of the hidden hurting people who cross the threshold of our churches every weekend.

Anyhow, we sang this song from the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir "He's Been Faithful!" Wow! It was one of those songs where the choir comes in beautifully in the chorus. It was really sweet. And I think the word got out among the 20or so person choir about our not knowing many people, 'cause they were all REALLY friendly to me, and the congregation was busy looking at the words on the screen so I didn't feel so scrutinized, and when I did connect with people's eyes, they were smiling. A young actor friend and her blues band/guitarist boyfriend came to support me, and when I saw them in the audience they were BEAMING, then I knew how God could work through the lyrics in their hearts and lives which made me really happy to see them there. All in all, I feel that through this invitation to sing, Jesus has used this weekend to heal hurts probably not just with me, but with other individuals in the ministry as well as the congregation. Healing that probably we'll have to wait till heaven to hear all about! This is just my story. :-)

Love,
Kimberly

Entertaining without Sugar

Entertained last night. Our Finnish friends are leaving Singapore next Sunday so we had a dinner party. MMMMmmmmm. Loonni's day off so Kimberly had the kitchen to herself (Loonni made a yummy thai noodle salad and helped me with a dill potato salad ahead of time). I made some herb sourdough bread in the breadmaker, deviled eggs and I tried something new: Marinated chicken breasts and baby onions in a sun-dried tomato salad dressing (can't remember what brand), then broiled it (since we have no bbq). It was a hit!

We're going without sugar for a family "fast" this month. So dessert was fruit dipped in plain yogurt, and unsweetened coconut flakes or grapenuts...kind of like fondue without a flame.

Don't entertain much, but I'll tell you it's sure so much more fun when you have a Loonni to do all the clean up afterward!

A Kid with a Guilty Conscience...

2003 Tyler and his best friends Tom, Bob, and Ben (don't you love those Chinese names?)

Tyler had 3 10 year old boys over Friday afternoon and I had a heartbreaking conversation with one of them. He admitted to me that he had to lie to his parents to be in our house (YIKES). The boys normally have extra classes on Friday afterschool, but they were cancelled this week, so his folks thought he was still at school. His parents won't let him go to ANYONE'S house or have any friends over until he's 18...really sad. We talked about their rules being set in order to protect him from people with bad character, but he feels that he must lie to keep from being beaten, when he doesn't want to be a "liar." I asked him about his guilt in lying to them and whether it was worth it to come over. Maybe we can find ways to let them play without his lying to his parents. After we talked for awhile he said, "Thanks Auntie. Don't tell anyone what I told you about them, but it really kinda makes me feel better just to talk about it. My chest feels better.").

Griping about Flaws in the School System

Today my child stayed home from school.

I’m being a responsible citizen.
I’m teaching my children to care for the welfare of his fellow man.
He was not feeling well.
He didn’t have a fever, but he had an active cough and a runny nose. He was probably contagious. He’d probably have had everyone around freaked out that he might have SARS.

My child stayed home from school today.

Even though today was the day for his very first Maths exam. Ever.

He’s P1, and Math is by far his best subject. A subject he’s proud of his ability in.
It's the one subject that buoys his waning self-confidence when weekly he gets poor marks on spelling tests and ting-xie.

Today my P1 child stayed home from school.

And today I learn that the child who misses an exam for a valid reason has no opportunity to make it up.

It will be written “VR” on his report card.
A “valid reason.”

Next time I’ll think twice about whether my child infects his classmates.

Next time I’ll have learned more about the very “valid reason” for a distasteful Singaporean quality called “Kiasu.”

Next time will I start thinking like a Singaporean parent?

“Who cares if he spreads his germs to his classmates? My child should get the chance to show what he’s learned after all his hard work.”

But this time, he’ll get a “VR” for Maths and they’ll average his scores from the subjects he struggles in.

That’s the policy.

As a foreigner, it has been our choice to put our children in local schools.
We're not forced into this option and we’ve been happy with our choice so far.
The positive, we believe, outweighs the negatives.
It's a good education overall.

BUT we’re learning the system.

The system that now is so hyper about healthy kids that they are being questioned each day when they enter the school grounds.

A system that now has them checking their temperature during school hours.

And yet a system that doesn’t allow for illness on exam days.

A flawed system.

If I were a parent who really cared about his test results I’d have him miss his Mother Tongue test for a PAPERCUT.

The note would read:

“My child was feeling poorly on the day of the test…”

I'd manage to make it sound like a VR.

Will someone give me a VR for Singaporeans to start caring about each other?

Unlike the parents of my child's classmates, I don’t care so much about what my child’s average scores are, or where he falls in the class ranking. He doesn’t have to stay in the system as long as his classmates do.

His classmates are the ones who, starting with this exam, will scratch and claw for being top in their class until they are selected (or not) to be eligible for University.

My child with the “VR” will go to University if he applies himself, and we responsibly save for his education.

He will go to University as long as his self-confidence isn’t permanently damaged by having this VR averaged in on his very first series of exams.

BUT
Because my child stayed home from school today
He won’t have the right to show himself how very much he’s learned in Math.
He won’t have the chance to gain confidence from this milestone.
At the tender age of 6 he’ll surely feel the socially inflicted shame that will inevitably come from his poor showing in English, or his barely passing Chinese (if indeed he does PASS!).

Ah, me. Perhaps I’m making a mountain out of a milestone.

No. It’s the principle of such policies that have got me riled up.
Singapore wants her citizens to be socially responsible.
Singapore shouldn't need to make laws to govern our consideration for one another.
Yet Singapore penalizes those of us who are socially responsible and courteous.
And continues to teach us to know better
Next time.

New American & Finnish Friends & Xiao Xiao is a Christian!

We're in a new cell group here with 2 other families (Invited by the USC docrtoral grad who's a communications professor here - the friend of Jim's through the China connections who'd go out for coffee with him during Cameron's AWANA program on Sunday afternoons this spring). The other family is Finnish, but they'll be moving to Jakarta in July. Finnish! He workds for Nokia. I've never met anyone from Finland before!!! They've lived in Uzbeckistand, India, Australia... and they seem so NORMAL! Anyway, when she was asking us last night to pray for her about leaving her Bible study with unsaved Japanese women, and their needing a new leader that she could trust, I said, "Too bad the Webbs aren't considerring moving here until next year [a CRM couple who we adore who currently live in Indonesia]. Lori Webb speaks fluent Japanese and is the life of the party!" Can you believe that the world is so small that this Finnish woman KNEW Lori? Lori had come here for a conference last fall and SAT next to the Finnish couple!!! She'd even met some of the Japanese women from the Bible study!

Today a young woman came up to me while I was studying with Tyler in the public library. I didn't recognize her, though I've known her pretty well: she's the teenaged daughter of a good friend of Liu Yi Yan - my best friend from Kunming. He communist parents are very wealthy and have had her studying in Singapore for a few years now. We've only seen her a couple of times. We've tried to hook up with her more, but, ya'know, we're friends of her PARENTS....that's not too cool. I've known her as a very spoiled, uninteresting, and self-absorbed brat. Today she was this LOVELY young woman. She recognized me first and told me that she's become a Christian! Wow. Her school friends had started taking her to church with them when she was feeling blue at Chinese New Year. That made my day (well, that and having a great time studying with Tyler in a beautiful spot).

Kids are excited that this is the 3rd weekend Bob and Louis (their friends who are brothers) came to church with us. The mini-van is starting to come in handy!

Kids practices for their English composition exams by writing you letters, so look for them in your mailbox in about 10 days! Tests were all put off as long as possible. I love their school - many schools just made the kids cram to keep on schedule. THey've had their oral exams and 2 English Composition exams. They have Math tomorrow, Chinese on Tuesday and Tyler has Science on Wedensday. Neither boy is nervous about it and have prayed that they can encourage their classmates who are stressed out about their scores. The last day of the term is Friday, but we think we'll skip it! Tyler has to be back for extra classes the first week of the "holiday" 8am-12...at least it's a shorter day!

Chinese Pizza, SARS, & A Friend Who Gave Away a Kidney

----- Original Message -----
From: Jan Charlin
To: "K!Mberly Creasman"
Sent: Wednesday, May 07, 2003 10:37 AM
Subject: Re: Hello again!


Hello Kimberly...
We have a lady around the block who is wearing the mask. There is a lot of fear but very unfounded. It's sad, some people have stopped buying things made in Asia.

Your days are full. Mine have slowed down this year. I think I started back to fast after surgury last year and my body is kind of rejecting life right now. So, Dan and I descided I should slow down a lot this year and just let my body heal. It was one of those things that was so God, I still am amazed. Each doctor I go to always asks if it was a relative and when I say it was someone from my church, they can't believe we actually matched. It makes me realize that nothing is by chance and God planned this before time. It is still a very aahh thing and God's love is so amazing. I still don't know why God used me, He could have used anyone, yet He allowed me to give. I feel so blessed. Anyway talk about more than you ever wanted to know.

What kind of food do you eat. Pizza, but is it pizza like here or pizza with corn and fish on it(Japanesse like pizza) or something in the middle.

Isn't it amazing how fast children pick up other languages? Did your children speak with an accent? I know people are amazed when they learn English is Daniel's second language but he learned it in school at such a young age.

Well this has gotten long, I hope you don't mind. Thank you for answering all my questions.

Love, jan

MY REPLY...
We have a California Pizza Kitchen here! (not that I eat there!) When we were in China it took us awhile to get used to the style of pizza made by the pizza place we had in Kunming...Chinese pizza...thin crust..not too tasty, but close enough.

And then we had to go to Italy for some meetings in 1998. In going out for pizza there, we discovered that "Chinese pizza" was the authentic kind - ITALIAN!

Loved hearing your testimony (below). Life is full of seasons isn't it? Of the many books I'm enjoying, today it's the books TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE and THE DIARY OF ANNE FRANK...two non-C books that encourage us to be grateful and full of love for others and life.

As for my Wednesday, I'm cruising through my day fully aware that I am completely dependent on Jesus(even with both my kidneys!),

K!M

Photo: K!mberly in LIFE!

Rainbow Fish 2nd Run